What kind of secondary for a bright child who struggles to focus?

[Secondary00]

Ds is a very bright and able child, according to his teacher, always in “exceeding expectations” in school reports. But - we’re always also told - he struggles to focus when he needs to, and messes about and talks too much and frequently gets into trouble for chatting. Conversely, his teacher says, he loves learning.

He doesn’t like school that much and never really has. Says it’s too much sitting down and not enough playtime. He hates sitting all day, he says, and he doesn’t get to be physical enough.

I hated secondary school. I think I was a little bit like him when I was child a little too, but DS is more able to get things down academically than I was. So I want to get secondary school right for him so his teen life isn’t a misery like mine was!

What kind of secondary school for a child like that?

We have the option for him to sit the 11+ for a selective school (grammar or private). But would he hate that? Or would the more studious nature of the school rub off on him and he would enjoy the learning?

Or we could afford to pay for a more liberal, not academically selective private secondary school. Or there’s always the local state, which seems fine academically but obviously less pastoral care and I worry the teachers would be constantly telling him off and wouldn’t “like” him.

We live in London, so we have a lot of options.

What would you do?

Gosh sorry that was an essay! I’m very grateful to anyone who can give me any advice!

My DS is similar. He did pass the 11+ (without tutoring) and we’re going the grammar school route. I’m still not 100% sure he’ll have the focus for grammar, I’m just hoping that the culture there will rub off on him and he’ll want to do well and focus.

We don’t have the option of going private but our local non-selective state school is good and a back-up for us if grammar doesn’t work for him. The grammar just edged it with its wider range of subjects and extra curricular clubs

I'd get him assessed for ADHD. It's a classic description of ADHD in bright children.

But that said, my DS1 is like this and has done well in the local (we don't live in UK) version of grammar school. He's very very easily influenced by peers so having peers who were studious and sensible has been helpful.

I do despair sometimes as he is ridiculously laid back and does the minimum, but the minimum he can get away with here is likely more than the minimum expected at other schools so I think it's been ok anyway. We were lucky to have the opportunity.

I agree with @BertieBotts - a diagnosis is going to be the biggest help.

In a similar situation, we went for the selective school, pre-diagnosis, and I think they were much more helpful than the state school would have been for a pupil who was just bumping along in the middle of the class.

Medication made a big difference, dropping unwanted subjects after GCSE was even better, and they're now heading for As and A*s in everything.

If your priority is his happiness go for liberal private school.
If the priority is his academic attainment go for the grammar.

It sounds like he enjoys messing about. He will find plenty of like minded peers in your standard secondary so he will get into trouble and probably won't work as hard as he should.

Is he into sports? That might help. In private schools they have more focus on sports. Dd started year 7 and she does sports before school, during lunch and after school. She is loving it. My ds also thrives on a busy schedule of sports.

Also echo the sport point. Does he find it easier to concentrate if he’s had plenty of exercise. If so choose a school that will get him doing sport for a couple of hours a day (probably will have to be private).

He is the sort of child who would have loved a forest school nursery if I’d thought to send him to one. He used to ask us constantly if we could move to the countryside as he has a real love of nature.

He also likes playing football. It’s the best thing about school to him. But he’s not good at it - I hate saying that! But he couldn’t get into a competitive team, I don’t think. He plays futsall outside of school - that non competitive football play. What he gets out of it is being outside and being sociable and part of a group play.

So he’s outdoorsy, and does enjoy sport; but he’s not a natural sportsperson if that makes sense?

@Secondary00 sounds like he needs an independent school with lots of sport and outdoor space. A school on the edge of London, possibly boarding with day pupils so they have longer days to fit in extracurricular.

He sounds very like my son. Does he have a preference? From the options I'd pick the non selective private school as I'd worry the grammar school may be too strict and perhaps stifling for him (purely my own thoughts based on where I think my son would fit in).

It might be worth having him assessed as a high potential learner. Have a look at PPUK.

Whereabouts in London are you?

Check out Liberty Woodland School in Morden. My daughter goes to their affiliated forest nursery and loves it, and from what we've seen the school looks like a wonderful place.

I think the current curriculum is boring! Of course 10/11 year old boys don't want to sit still all day learning SPAG
It doesn't mean they all have ADHD!
I'd go with where seems to have the happiest atmosphere OP.
Bright kids learn if they're happy.

He might or might not have ADHD. The OP's description is very suggestive of it and I would be looking for an assessment.
The problem is that if he has it, but is not diagnosed, he'll underachieve all the way through school, with a knock-on effect on self-esteem, because he'll be labelled by teachers as : "bright but lazy - could do well if he tried, but won't work", which is very different from "bright but with an undiagnosed, untreated condition - could do well if he was supported, but can't work effectively until supported"
Re: schools. Flexibility is key. A relaxed private school with small class sizes and an emphasis on sports might suit if you can afford it. He is less likely to get overlooked in a smaller school.

He sounds exactly like my DS2 who has just been diagnosed with ADHD as a young adult.

With hindsight, it was obvious but he didn't struggle to perform highly at school and everything else was just "him" in my mind.

I would look into ADHD but also at getting the WISC-V assessment, it shows strengths and weaknesses in cognitive ability and comes with lots of ideas to support the child.

DD scored extremely high in 3/5 sections but 'just' average in working memory and processing it explained why she found mental arithmetic and following multi step instructions so difficult but was so academically gifted in other areas. It did wonders for her self-esteem to know why she was the way she was and the WISC-V brought around more changes at school than her autism diagnosis.

Is it possible that he’s not focusing and chatting too much because he’s bored because he isn’t being stretched enough, academically? That happened to me at primary school.

I went on to a private secondary school that was very academic and although that particular school wasn’t the right fit for me (way too socially conformist) I definitely started concentrating more because of the increased focus on academics and having peers who were as clever or cleverer than me. I was no longer bored.

You need to visit the schools and consider the atmosphere though because different schools suit different children. It’s not all about the results. Listen to what the teachers say about the kinds of things they focus on regarding the children’s development and welfare. And think about whether that suits your son’s personality.

I see a lot of people saying he might have ADHD. I feel like people very quickly jump to that as a possibility. Maybe he does have it. But then again, maybe he’s bored. As I say, I had similar issues at primary school which were resolved by going somewhere which let me learn at a faster pace. I do not have ADHD.

@StrawberryEater but if the OP has the means to send her DS to private school then she has the means to get him an ADHD assessment and can cross it out rather than years of guess work. If it turns out he doesn't have it then great, he needs lots of physical activity and possibly some harder work presented in a way that works for him. If he does have ADHD then great, he needs lots of physical activity, harder work presented to him in a way that works for him and he can get the support he needs and understand himself better.

@Singleandproud I’m not suggesting that she doesn’t seek an assessment if she wants to. I’m just explaining that in my experience bright children who are not finding the work at school challenging might seem to lack focus but are actually just bored.

And that is exactly why I didn't get an assessment for DS2 when he was a child. Wrongly as it turned out.

People will suggest ADHD assessment as the original post screams 'ADHD' to anyone who has an ADHD child. Including me. I had no idea until Yr7 when it became very obvious.

@Secondary00 a lot of big state comps have amazing pastoral & send support as they don't select kids. They work with all children

Everything you say about him screams ADHD, OP. I think you need to be looking at a diagnosis and treatment for that and his life will be much easier.