Panicking about senior school

[Sohardtochooseausername]

Hi, I’m in Scotland.

11 year old DD was in an independent 3-18 school however due to the school not dealing with bullying or recognising her additional needs (attention and hyperactivity) I pulled her out after several heated meetings with the school.

She sat entrance assessments for some other senior schools but didn’t get offered places except for a waiting list for one private school with an excellent reputation for learning support.

I've spoken to them but it doesn’t seem likely that DD will get offered a place.

She definitely has a place in our catchment area school but they have a policy of not speaking to prospective parents and they don’t have an open day so I have absolutely no idea what this school is like or whether they will support my daughter appropriately.

I've heard horror stories about it from parents who have taken their kids out and it’s low in the league tables. I haven’t so far found anyone with something good to say about it.

Her child psychologist has warned she is likely to ‘disappear’ in a mainstream state secondary school as girls like her sit at the back and never complain.

She’s currently in a local primary school and seems happy enough but as she’s in her final year it’s not a permanent solution.

We are worried because we just don’t know how to support her to be her best. We feel like we’ve run out of options. She is a bright girl but since the bullying her confidence has plummeted through the floor.

I feel like no one is out there to help me and that no one wants my DD. Has anyone got any advice?

I probably named this thread wrong. It should have been called how can I find a secondary school where my child will be safe and happy and reach her potential.

My knowledge is very much England-based, but I thought in Scotland one could apply for a placement in an out of catchment school. I’m surprised that a psychologist has ruled out the state sector in its entirety.

Thanks. She hasn’t ruled it out but said my DD would get lost in a big class. We have both tried talking to our local school but they won’t without an enhanced transition for special needs and my DD doesn’t have that.

I can apply for out of catchment requests but I don’t think we would get very far with that as the schools are over subscribed and there is nothing special about DD. (I think she kid special obviously.)

Could you apply now for an enhanced transition for special needs? Who diagnosed her additional needs?

I can’t because the private assessment we paid a fortune for isn’t a diagnosis even though it was done by a clinical psychologist who works for the NHS. Her current school won’t even discuss it with us. She is on the waiting list for NHS but we are hearing 2-4 years.

they have a policy of not speaking to prospective parents and they don’t have an open day so I have absolutely no idea what this school

sounds bizarre.

Write here the name of the school and you will see the performance and also you can find their OFSTED report online. Also you can check parent's view here

I feel like no one is out there to help me and that no one wants my DD.
It is just an impression because she didn't get into one school

Has anyone got any advice?

You would need to be more specific and write which area you live in, what schools and then people who live there can give you more tangible advice

ah you are in Scotland. So most of what I written will be not relevant. Just now saw it

The first thing OP says is she’s in Scotland.

Everything so far seems to have been ruled out - the local state school, other state schools, independent schools. The only other thing that comes to
mind is the drastic option of moving to a different area with different schools. Hopefully, someone with experience of the Scottish system will be along soon to advise.

Thanks. The main options I have seem to be - try the local school, try other independent schools that don’t have entrance exams, or move.

the problem isn’t that she ‘didn’t get into one school’ it’s that actually finding a school that wants her and will be good for her seems to be really difficult and I can’t find the help I need.

I wrongly thought you’d tried all the local independent schools. If there are others, could you ring them for an informal chat about whether they could meet her needs? Do you have educational consultants nearby who could advise on which schools might be a good fit?

Depending on where you are in Scotland have looked into the possibility of a Steiner or democratic school? I was always a bit dubious about them, but one of DD's besties left the local comp and is going from strength to strength in her 'alternative' school. She only started in September but the difference it's made to her is huge.

I tried the indies she would contemplate… she refuses to go to an all girls school and another which has a snobby reputation. To be honest there isn’t a lot of choice. Had we known she wasn’t going to stay at her all-through school we would have moved into a different catchment area. There isn’t a massive choice of any schools because she’s been to half of them.

I don’t even know why it’s not working out when she is a pupil or in the entrance assessments apart from the fact that at 11 she is really obviously hyperactive.

There is a Steiner… I will check it out if it doesn’t work out at the local school.

Choose the school you think is best for her that you can access. It won't be perfect but predicting it will be a failure is not going to help her or you.

Have you considered boarding? Somewhere like st David's in Llandudno springs to mind. Put I agree, no school is perfect and I should think your dd ruling out any all girls schools is limiting your options a fair bit.

It sounds a difficult situation. It is still worth putting in a placement request for the secondary school you want as you might get lucky. If you want to go down the private route (and I'm guessing where you live) have you tried Clifton Hall school? Or even Cargilfield who go up to 13 which gives a bit more time and they will help you find a secondary school. Another option is Kilgraston near Perth although I know they were struggling but seem more stable since take over by a larger organisation. If I knew where you were then might be easier to give reccommendations. You can always try the scotsnet board too. Hope you find somewhere that works for your daughter.

Thanks @kaffkooks I’m actually now thinking about Cargilfield as an option - perhaps also Clifton Hall. Initially was thinking to suck it and see with the local school but it’s come to light at the weekend that some of the girls she’d be going to that school are taking advantage of her and getting her into trouble.

moving is not as easy as often suggested, cost, time scales etc for term times, new environments for everyone never mind your child. I would probably go with the state option and then set up meeting with head and senco at the start of term and set up additional support outside school if necessary. Like tailored tutoring or an activity they enjoy outside school. Sometimes having the spare cash to make them happier away from school can work wonders.

then keep on the independent one she’s on the waiting list. People move, kids leave for whatever reason. If you think it’s the right school for her - don’t let up. I know recently of two children with additional needs moving after 18 months at a rubbish comp. It’s not ideal but this scenario happens a lot in London. It’s tiring and shouldn’t be like this but you have to fight sometimes.

13+ prep might be an option but then you need route for a school post that. Quite tricky. It does often work out but stressful too. Educate yourself as much as possible with what’s possibly in your surrounding area. Talk to admissions etc. good luck !