Yr 12 burnout any advice please

[HaggisHhahaha]

Ds2 said to me today he feels really burnt out and exhausted

4 alevels and about to start another round of mocks
maths Fmaths physics biology
(last mocks got A maths, B physics, B biology and U for Fmaths)

he works really hard, stays after school, is attending a maths course at the local uni on a Saturday, doing DoE gold this summer has a few dog walks to boost his pocket money (saving to do camp America)

he does game in the evening (I switch off wifi across the whole house at 10pm apart from h and I) and I’ve said he could get more sleep (more than 8 hrs) which would make him feel better

he says it’s the only thing keeping him sane

hes supposed to start driving lessons soon but I think this could all be too much

is this typical panic?

older brother did maths/physics/chemistry/CS and floated through in a dreamy way and is now at a top RG uni doing physics

could he be feeling pressure, his brother is very supportive and they chat frequently and do a bit of gaming online too

is there any magical things I could do to help support him that have worked for you?

I would be wary. Yr 13 is a lot more intense. It's a strange he couldn't have a bit of a break this year, his school sounds over intense. Listen to what he's telling you and offer suggestions for what he could cut without being too set on anything. Personally, I would drop an A level. But ultimately keep the dialogue open so he can keep coming to you with problems.

Definitely consider putting the driving on hold. Does he need the further maths for his offers? He can put the D of E on hold too if he wants too. As you know from your other dc it's the grades on results day that count.

Plus you could ask MN to move this to the Higher Education section.

Sorry I saw he was year 12, definitely consider dropping 4th A level. Unless it's a top grade in further maths it won't help with an offer.

How are they teaching the further maths?

Some schools teach the a level maths in a year and then the further maths. That tends to be more successful as you do really need to have studied the a level content before you do the fmaths.

Other schools don't. That doesn't tend to work as well and confuses the kids.

i hope he has a gap year, a bit of freedom

Thanks for all replies much appreciated

it’s a big standard state school that he stayed at for sixth form
everyone who starts alevels at yr 12 has to do 4 (older brother struggled with chemistry which he didn’t need to do for physics degree but they wouldn’t let him drop until yr 13)

other sixth forms said we only do three alevels as you need 3 top grades (instead of accumulating UCAS points)

I'd consider dropping the Further Maths. It isn't enhancing his maths grade and won't help. Does he really need to do the weekend maths club at uni? Is he even enjoying it? If not then step back from it.

Things like D of E could also be put on hold in order to reduce pressure on him.

He’s planning on camp America and hopefully some travelling but definitely, his brother did and when he went to uni all his halls flatmates had taken a year out so everyone was 19

What does he love most and hate most of all that?

DC both dropped D of E, as did most of their friends. It was just too much at that stage. Both DC dropped the fourth A level. Trickier if one is FMaths and he might to do Maths at uni - but could maybe drop Biology? If he is planning to drop one, he can really cut back on what he does for that subject and just hand in the bare minimum homework, do little revision or none for any tests.

Definitely put learning to drive on hold.

He has the right to manage his time at this age and find a balance between work, rest, and socialising.

These are all things that he has chosen to do (the maths uni thing is just a short course of a few months but is finishing soon)

the DoE he wouldn’t change as he is with his friends and it’s usually a yr 12 thing

Apart from easing things at home like helping with his laundry and cooking the food he likes is there anything else that can help soften how rubbish he is feeling

Argue his case here. Of course they can let him drop an A Level, they just don't want to.

Tell them that his mental health is in jeopardy and his struggles with further maths are not proving beneficial for him or for them so you will be supporting him in stepping back from it now. Then he will have more time and energy for his main subjects.

Same goes for his extra-curricular activities. Schools can go overboard on their pushing of these so if he is finding them too much support him if he needs to step back.

OK, fine if he likes it all and wants to continue.

The grades do suggest that further maths is not beneficial.

He also has recurrent chronic tonsillitis (also hospitalised with EBV) and missed some gcse exams and I’ve had a check of his attendance for this year and he’s at 90%

gps won’t refer to ent until he has numerous infections

Dropping FM is a no brainer surely?

DS totally burnt out in Y12. He put a lot of pressure on himself with his GCSEs and as soon as they finished he travelled with his squad to an international comp, did work experience over the summer and an international swim camp. By the time he started Y12, he was still training every night and 3 mornings. By October half term, he was totally burnt out and not achieving anything both at school and swimming.

In the end he had to take a couple of weeks off swimming and just focus on school. He also underwent several medical tests as he had a suspected issue with his heart.

Things started to pick up after Xmas, but tbh, he didn't fully recover until the start of Y13 as we insisted he totally relaxed and unwind over the summer.

They say 6th Form is meant to be the best time of your life, but for many the pressure to achieve academically, plus do the extra curriculars to put on the UCAS form is just too much.

That's unusual about 4 a levels. DD is at one of the highest performing state 6th form colleges nationally and they actively discourage taking 4.
Plus those doing Maths and FM do each in one year - so full Maths A level in yr12 and FM in yr13.
My DD has massively cut back her extra curriculars in yr12. She dropped DoE and a voluntary weekly role she had. Swapped to an adult hoc on once or twice a month. She's an exceptional student but really needs down time and she is currently coping very well.
I would encourage your son to try and cut back a bit so he's still enjoying his activities but has enough time to rest and recharge too. Gaming is probably more downtime than activity.

I think showing any compassion will help (eg. Driving him places at times or letting him off a chore) but I don't think he can let everything go j in order to pursue all he wants. It's a really valuable life lesson in prioritising, especially if he has health concerns. I think you need to guide and empower him to make decisions for himself but you can day you are worried that it can't go on like this.

If he were mine (I have a Y13!), I would:

• Go through each option and pros/ cons of dropping them/ keeping it on eg. An A Level (Further Maths particularly), D of E, Job, Driving

It's worth doing that just to think it through even though I agree D of E is probably great mentally. Even driving might be good as a different brain activity but without pressure to take test (I'm leaving that for my son till he finishes A levels because he doesn't handle stress well).

I think if you go through it all (maybe over a Costa or something), he'll be able to make a good decision. If he doesn't want to drop anything then he can also Iive with the consequences of that but it will have been his choice.

Does he know what he wants to do after 6th form?

I second dropping FM. It is a very hard A-level and he got a U last mock so will burn out even more of he tries to get a high grade.

It's no use having a D in FM if it also brings down your other grades and affects your mental health.

Why don't you take to him about it, explain that doing 4 A-levels plus everything else is exhausting, especially with his health issues. Advise him he needs to drop something and have an open and honest conversation with you about what he does next.

I also agree that gaming is probably helping him unwind, and if he is playing with friends it is also a way to socialise so maybe chat to him about whether he feels 10pm cut off works for him. That sounds very early for someone in Y12 but he may be someone who goes to bed quite early anyway, in which case it's not a problem.

I do sometimes think that recurrent illness is often stress related. Maybe in some people they don't take enough time to properly recharge so their immune system drops?

I have a 21 year old DD who is in her final year at a top university. She's the sort who would consider 9/10 a bad mark and puts herself under huge pressure, both with her academic studies and with her social stuff.

She too is getting recurring tonsillitis, very badly. Her GP is considering sending her to the hospital ENT if it returns again now.

They are a worry, aren't they? I too worry about burnout with my DD as she just continues to pack everything in and then wonder what is missing! 🙄🤔 Burning the candle at both ends doesn't really begin to describe her and it all seems impossible to me.

As for getting her to slow down a bit, I have never really managed to figure that one out so I just have to wish you and your DS all the best. If you discover the answer then let me know. 🙂

Thank you so much everyone I really appreciate all your thoughtful comments

it’s a busy few weeks until Easter and I’m going to do as much as I can to cushion him

he is s as determined stubborn (middle child) and won’t drop FM until yr 13 despite my suggestion to do so