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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Only one from current y6 to get his secondary school..

16 replies

AnnonymousMum · 04/03/2024 07:30

DS got his first choice school, which is great... however, none of his friends or even anyone else from his class have gotten in. Several of his friends applied, but we live just a stone's throw across the county border, which has made the difference here.

The school itself seems great, we (DH and I) and DS preferred it to the one most of his friends are going to, but now they are all discussing which house they're in etc.. he was really hoping at least one friend would move up with him.

Has anyone had a similar situation and can advise? Any tips on making new friends? He's into guitar (older rock music mostly - doesn't like anything in the charts) and reading (reads everything from Alex Rider to Jules Verne), he's academic and quite nerdy, not a big football fan but likes running, cycling and swimming. He's always been quite confident in himself, generally doesn't follow a crowd, wears his hair long and has his own (scruffy) style! I worry he'll stand out a bit but also proud of him for being himself and don't want him to feel he has to fit in.

He has one friend there in the year above but I don't know how much they'll see each other.

I'm just after some reassurance I guess and tips! Thanks

OP posts:
Piggletta · 04/03/2024 07:38

Please don't worry too much. Firstly there is a chance that someone else from his school will get in at second round of offers. Secondly lots of children will be in the same boat.

FrenchandSaunders · 04/03/2024 07:44

Even if they do move up to secondary with loads of kids from their primary, the chances are they are separated and barely see each other.

whatsagoodusername · 04/03/2024 07:47

He'll be fine. As Pigletta says, there will be loads of other kids in the same situation, and they shift and change friends a lot in y7.

DS1 knew nobody at his school. He went to primary school several miles away due to SEN and the secondary is all local kids. It hasn't been an issue.

DS2 went with five of his classmates. He's still friendly with them, but he's made all new friends, very quickly.

Giter · 04/03/2024 07:51

Mine did this, there is usually a transition day in July where all the year 6s go to their new secondary and spend the day with their new teacher in their form room. He will then know faces at the very least for when he starts, especially the person sitting next to him. Schools sometimes also offer an additional morning for non-feeder or lone children coming to school. This shows them that they are not alone and again more familiar faces when September rolls round.

If any of them seem super friendly he can take their mobile phone number or give his to them so they can maybe message and meet up over summer. I have said this before about mine as they are now through secondary, Ds1 was introvert but made friends in the first week that are still his friends today at 21. Ds2 is "quirky" so loves DnD, a reader, hates football or rugby, very dry humour, made friends in week 2, they are thick as thieves at 18.

In primary there are usually 30 children in the year group, when they go to secondary this can be anywhere from 200-300 children. More choice, lots of primary friendships move on, people make new friends, it is new and exciting. There are clubs at lunch and after school, homework clubs etc where he can potentially meet new people.

Fireyflies · 04/03/2024 07:59

Same happened to my DS, as we'd moved out of catchment so he couldn't go to the school all his classmates went to
He made a new friend on the induction day in July, and they've been beat mates every since - now aged 24 sharing a house together.
He did keep up with a couple of primary school friends for a few years, though they drifted apart over time.

anoukis · 04/03/2024 08:09

I wouldn't worry much - same thing happened with my DD - all the kids from her school got placed in separate forms and they made new friendships. In fact even early friendships from year 7 dissolved and somewhere around early year 9 we realized she has a very stable group of friends which hasn't changed since - 4 girls and 2 boys. They feel like they can conquer the world together and have each other's backs. She's now year 11 and they are making plans how to remain close, even if some of them will move schools for 6th form.

silversmith · 04/03/2024 08:14

My son was the only boy from his primary school to go up to his current school. His tip would be to join clubs to find like minded people. My funny, non sporty, initially shy but very chatty with his mates, quirky music tastes boy found the first week a bit tricky, but by week 2, he was in Robotics Club, Boys' Choir & some group that tidies up the recycling, and by the first half term he was bringing home a bunch of completely delightful new friends.

AND, as a bonus, he still has all his primary school friends as well, who he sees at scouts & other holiday activities.

It'll be fine. Emphasise the fact that he'll just have even more friends.

AuditAngel · 04/03/2024 08:22

All 3 of my children were the only child from their primary to go to their secondary. The older two knew no-one and when delivered on the transition day they were put into a group by the teacher on the gate. The youngest knew a girl from an out of school activity and they were out in the same form at our request.

ItsMeHi48 · 04/03/2024 08:22

FrenchandSaunders · 04/03/2024 07:44

Even if they do move up to secondary with loads of kids from their primary, the chances are they are separated and barely see each other.

This is very true! And whilst the safety blanket of knowing people when they start might be great, actually going alone - while a bit scary at first - gives them more freedom to make new friends without the sometimes challenging juggle of balancing old and new. I’d see it as a positive thing in the long run x

SamPoodle123 · 04/03/2024 08:56

I think many dc go through this. My dd just went through this and she was excited to make new friends. She is year 7 and very happy at her new school.

MujeresLibres · 04/03/2024 09:00

My kid was one of only a handful from primary to go to secondary. Made friends on the transition day and summer school days and now mid year 7, has plenty of friends and happy so far.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/03/2024 09:03

Same happened with my oldest DS. He made new friends and never looked back. It's fine, and was actually more awkward with the younger DS whose best mate from primary did move up to secondary with him but they changed and grew apart, so that all had to be managed as they made new mates.

Bluevelvetsofa · 04/03/2024 09:27

There will be other singletons who are going to the school and they’ll meet on the induction day.

It’s amazing how quickly children find new people to make friends with.

Iwantacampervan · 04/03/2024 13:31

At least one of the schools around here have an extra transition day for those coming from a school with only a few applicants (less than 3). They are then buddied up. Does he do any clubs/activities out of school where he may know someone who's going to the school? My youngest ended up in a form with a friend from guides.

Original poster
AnnonymousMum · 04/03/2024 15:33

Iwantacampervan · 04/03/2024 13:31

At least one of the schools around here have an extra transition day for those coming from a school with only a few applicants (less than 3). They are then buddied up. Does he do any clubs/activities out of school where he may know someone who's going to the school? My youngest ended up in a form with a friend from guides.

Unfortunately his friends at the club he goes to are all older or younger. That sounds like a great idea I hope there is something similar organised.

OP posts:
Dadzzz · 04/03/2024 17:49

Dd2 had one boy from her class go to secondary, whereas DD1 had 7 from her class. I would say that dd1 relied on the comfort more in Yr 7, now in Yr 8 she has made a newer group of friends. DD2 has had to find a new group and seems to have settled in that quicker than dd2

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