Moving to a school 11 miles away, how to maintain friendships

[Longingforsummer583]

So my son has been lucky enough to get a place at a specialist engineering and business school . It is a free school but you need to take an entrance exam. It has an 18 mile catchment area and all students arive on school transport.
He has been at his current local high school for 2 years and will be moving to the new one from September (year 9). You can't go any earlier .
He has made friends at his current school who live in our local area but i am worried they will drop him once he's left their school.
Whilst he will make friends (I hope) at the new school, I am concerned about the socialising outside of school aspect. Particularly when he goes to the college, such as parties , those kind of teenage experiences.
A potential friend can live 18 miles in the other direction from us so would be 29 miles one way or a 60 mile round trip to see them. He won't get home from school until about 6pm and on weekends he plays for a local football team. More concerned about school holidays really .I work full time so would not be able to drive him to see anyone .
Anyone else have a child in a similar situation? My son is very social and I want to make sure we are making the right decision. His school currently is a below average comprehensive with a lot of badly behaved kids

Yes it is unlikely he can maintain existing friends when he leaves. It would be very unrealistic to expect to do so unless he does a sports club or something similar. You and he need to decide how important this is for him. He will make friends but you will need to do more ferrying around and he will have to travel more.

Is there public transport to the area where the school is? If not I would reconsider.

I think realistically if he’s not home until 6 (and will need to do homework etc) and busy on weekends, the friendships from the old school are more than likely to drift.
With new school friends rather than going on a 60mile trip, the kids can take the bus somewhere and meet somewhere together, I went to a school with a large catchment area and people would just bus to meet each other st the cinema etc

Kids manage and find a way to keep in touch with friends that are meant to be or that are special to them. Esp in this day in age with technology. It is so easy to stay in touch and if they are local he can meet with them easily. I have a friend that left my school when she was 7 and she lives a 10 minute walk away. Our parents knew each other, but were not friends (but were friendly, just different interests). Anyway, I would bump into her from time to time like once or twice a year. Then one day when I was 13 I decided to give her a call. I still remembered her phone number. I called her and we decided to meet that day so I could show her my new puppy. And from that day onwards we became good friends, calling each other and hanging out regularly. We never went to the same school again and remained friends that hung out almost daily. I have not lived in the same country as her for over 20 years now and its an 8 hour flight away, yet we are still in touch, sometimes multiple emails a week and most definitely at least once every two weeks. So if it is meant to be it will be. Kids will make new friends as well. Friendships change and sometimes you outgrow them. But your closest ones will remain. Unfortunately, my best friends are all in different coutnries.....My best friend from University is a 7 hour flight away!!

The school provide the transport there and back. We live in the countryside and there are no bus routes to anywhere near the school so he would need me to take him to see a friend. Obviously this is OK now and again but I wouldn't be able to do it all the time, I work full time and have other kids.
He has friends who he plays out with after school every night and all throughout the summer. If that can continue then there won't be a problem but if they drop him I know he would be devastated.

There's no reason he can't maintain his local friends with a bit of effort. You just need to make that effort.

With friends from the new school you might need to do some sleepovers so it makes it worth the journey, but also completely doable.

Get him a bike and make sure he knows how to cycle safely so he has the most freedom possible.

This lack of access to friends is just something that kids in the countryside have to deal with with unfortunately.

Hello! My children go to a middle school which is 20 miles from our house/their old primary school.

The old friendships they made at primary school have been unsustainable. Although quite a few of their old school classmates also moved to the middle school so they are all familiar with eachother on the chartered bus they take every morning and night.

The new friends they have made at new school have been great. But it's really hard as I want to invite their new friends round for tea after school, or just let them hang out but logistically it doesn't work.

We had planned to move into their school area soon after they started however we have been priced out of it as house prices sky-rocketed. All a bit rubbish really.

They go to a really good school and I'm really happy about that and they are doing really well academically. There are also lots of opportunities for them to do extra curricular activity and the staff are supportive.

DS goes to a school 15 miles from where we live, he chats in the evening to his friends via playstation etc at night. They revised together over group chat this week for their mocks, he gets a bus down to the town his school is in or I take him down.

i live in a funny area and children scatter for secondary, and all schools are 10+ miles away.
So not only have they had to maintain local primary friendships, but maintain secondary friendships with children who may live 15/20 miles away.

my children have managed it by online gaming, minecraft worlds have been brilliant for that. And scouts for the local ones. But mostly it’s been online, dnd nights, jackbox, minecraft. I also make myself available to be group taxi, our house is always open and suggest lots of things like golf, cinema etc.

My DSes are at a different secondary to most of their primary school friends, and if has a big area. The older one kept up on PS4 for a bit with local friends but then they dropped away as he made “new school” friends. The younger only sees those locally who also go to scouts or sports locally - any crossover like that with you?

Also - whilst some friends might be from the other side of the circle, some will probably be quite near you (we did encourage ours to take a special interest in those on the same train!)

I wouldn't worry too much OP, i don't think many people stay friends with the kids they went to primary school with forever.
Ours are at school 15 miles away, and I’m afraid have little to do with primary school friends except over the Xbox occasionally.
It’s too much effort really as they’re not home till 6pm or 9pm depending on the day and also do Saturday school.
They’ve made really good friends at secondary though and before you know it they’ll be driving anyway. If its the right school i wouldn't let this be a concern.