Has anyone withheld an ADHD assessment from a school?

[Forestschool1]

We had an assessment carried out just as DC left primary school and it concluded there was mild ADHD. Our school at the time didn't think it was necessary to assess but we felt there were problems with concentrating, so we had the assessment but didn't give it to primary school because we had about a term left and didn't think it necessary.

We also did not submit the assessment to our new secondary school (an independent school).

We now want to submit the assessment to school because we see symptoms and it's causing problems in class, but worried they'll ask DC to leave, which I'm sure they'd be within their rights to do.

Has anyone had experience of a similar situation either as a parent or teacher?

I don't believe the actual diagnosis would state 'mild'. This is usually a statement made to explain how much it affects the person's day to day life. It's outdated and imo harmful. Someone can appear to be managing well and therefore it's 'mild'. However, they have learned to cope or mask. They aren't struggling less and a slight change in circumstances can have a drastic effect on them. This may be the case with your dc. The change from primary to secondary is huge.
Although the school can't get rid of your child for having ADHD, they will be able to say they can't manage them due to their needs or behaviours and can ask you to pay for the extra support. It sounds like DC is finding it hard so they will have noticed. They may already suspect ADHD anyway.
They may well be frustrated that you lied on the forms. Although if he showed symptoms previously, the primary would have passed that info on. As there's usually formal and informal handover of information.
Have you asked for help in managing the ADHD? Some try medication, some have counselling, mental health strategies and help in creating supportive routines so they can manage their day to day.
DC with ADHD have a high risk of developing self esteem issues and poor mental health because of this.

Whatever the outcome it's best to work with the school to support your dc.

Tell them now, so you have best opportunity for a state fall back. Most independents expect full disclosure.

You don't have to disclose the full diagnosis initially, could you test the waters by discussing any specific challenges that your child has without labelling?

You wouldn't know I had ADHD either, not my child. When I tell people, I'm often met with disbelief, I'm one of 'those' parents, an attention seeker perhaps. If I'm lucky, they might conceded that it's 'mild' and aren't I lucky?

I'm 50 years old, IQ of 140, highly qualified, articulate and ambitious. I can become accomplished at pretty much anything I turn my hand to. I've never held down a job. I've been financially dependent on others my whole life. I have no pension. I'm trapped in my current situation. I'm so normal and yet, somehow different. The difference is so subtle it's barely noticeable and yet, perhaps on a subconscious level, others sense it. It makes them feel uncomfortable so when I engage with others, 100% of my effort is ensuring their comfort. If I tell them I have ADHD, I'm met with disbelief, an attention seeker as I say. If I don't tell them, it's uncanny valley. I can't win. This is the reality of being neurodiverse.

When you say 'mild' you're referring to how much of a nuisance we are to others, it has nothing to do with the individual's experience. That's why we don't refer to autism as 'mild'. Please don't do it to ADHDers, it's ignorant of the struggles we keep to ourselves and how well we mask.

Can you get another assessment then if your school queries it say you didn't agree with the initial diagnosis and wanted a second medical opinion before disclosing it?

In my experience it’s not just private schools mainstream schools do exactly the same especially the ofsted outstanding ones

OP, please tell the school.

My DS in indie school, had no diagnosis on arrival aged 11, but we were constantly having to explain his behaviour.
School approached us and suggested we get him tested for ASD and a diagnosis was made.

School have been exceptional in supporting him and us. We do pay for LSA time for him, but they have strategies in place for him, exceptions are made and we have a really positive ongoing relationship with his LSA about exams and support needed.

You will know if your school is SEN friendly, ours is. But either way you should let them know. 💐

I get it. It's hard to survive in this world that is tailored to the norm. But I still think there is a difference. I am ND (ADHD and bipolar) it can be tough. I see the world differently than many people but 2 of my children and I can navigate through the normal world to some extent. It is with added stress but we can get to school, hold down a job, have friends, a relationship etc. DS struggles with all of the above. He is unlikely to get any GCSEs, has very few friends as he is very impulsive. I feel my experience is is nothing like it is for my son and it diminishes his pain but not acknowledging that.
The same as my friends son who is autistic and at 18 wears nappies, only has about 3 phrases and can't ever be left alone. Compared to his dad who works as a well paid civil engineer.

If you don't, your child will continually be reprimanded for behaviours they may not be able to control. This can destroy their self-esteem.

Also, there is never "just one" diagnosis. It comes with lots of other things that your child will need support and probably be diagnosed with later on.

You need to be upfront and you need the school to be onboard or it won't work.

Obviously you probably want to name the private school but you could ask on here - some are better than others and some are just rubbish at sen even though it's a private school and paying all that cash.

Why did you lie? That’s very odd. Also, as his primary school were unaware of his diagnosis I’m assuming you paid privately for it.

If you are highly qualified, why have you never held down a job?

The terms and conditions are irrelevant. You can’t contractually opt out of the Equality Act. If private schools really are doing this they need reporting to the EHRC.

But if you've knowingly withheld information from the school?

State schools are allowed to, and frequently do, say they "can't meet need".

Yes, schools can’t contractually opt out of the Equality Act. Schools are required to make reasonable adjustments for children with disabilities as part of the Equality Act, whether they’re private or state schools.

When we were asked to remove our DC with ASD from a private school, they claimed that his needs were too great for them to meet them with reasonable adjustments.

Personally I think in our case that it was more about that particular school not wanting to make reasonable adjustments, and that they could have done more to support him if they’d wanted to.

He’s now at another mainstream school, and while he does need extra support, his needs aren’t severe enough for him to qualify for a special school.

Maybe we should have complained about the private school managing him out, reported them to the EHRC or whatever. But at the time, we had no appetite for fighting with a school that clearly didn’t want our child there and wasn’t prepared to try and support his needs when there were alternative, more supportive schools out there.

Then you lied. Why on Earth would you do this? ADHD does not go away. It is lifelong and the teachers want to be able to support him and help him.

You must contact them immediately and say you were mistakenly under the belief that it was very mild so not having an impact on him.

They can and even a state school can if they can show they do not have the resources to cope with a child. Let’s say you have a non verbal child with toileting and other issues and various diagnosis a local comprehensive may not be able to meet their needs. So they absolutely can. The LA then has to provide it, but even they can continually say they don’t have place until a tribunal and that requires money etc I would say that lying means your contract is null and void. If you lie about that what else have you lied about? Trust has broken down. Within reason, any pupil can be asked to leave any private school. The school will have a legal team.

Different way of thinking and communicating, lifetime of being 'wrong', lifetime of being judged, it's had a huge effect on my self esteem. Not that anyone would notice, I mask very well. However it's exhausting, as is the constant sensory input of a work environment. When I did work (20+ years ago) I would get home and spend four or five hours just staring into space in order to recalibrate. I also drank a lot of alcohol. Routine is extremely stressful, appointments and getting places on time is extremely stressful. I was always late. I appeared chaotic.

On the plus side, I was massively productive. I could do a week's work in an afternoon (bored the rest of the week!) I had laser like focus and could follow through and resolve issues like no-one else. My attention to detail is second to none. The inefficiency of others and institutions as a whole was what drove me to distraction. In short, yes I have deficiencies, I also have an abundance of ability which should be an asset but in practice, it was impossible to apply in the workplace. I'm all or nothing in every way. Employers don't like either, they want middle of the road.

That's the long answer. But I think the answer you're looking for is that I'm a lazy shirker - so there you go - take it.

I’d imagine ADHD can well be ‘mild’ - my DC has a diagnosis of combined type ADHD, ‘moderately-severely impacted’. It’s right there on the paperwork, so I imagine someone who is mildly impacted by it would also have that specified.

@AndThatWasNY

There is mild ADHD.
I have 3 children with ADHD. 2 can manage to attend school, their lives are pretty normal. You might not notice they were ND if you spent 15 mins with them. You would if longer. 1 can't as can't sit still for any length of time. He constantly talks and moves about. You would notice he was ND within 1 minute. Much harder challenges for him

Other people noticing ADHD doesn't mean the person had mild ADHD though

@LydiaPoet your example of a non-verbal child with toileting issues is irrelevant. OP’s child is already a pupil at the school and the school is accommodating them. If on receipt of a diagnosis they decided that they could no longer accommodate them, despite having managed to do so to date, it would likely be unlawful.

Ah yes, private schools’ legal teams - the same legal teams who thought it was perfectly fine to operate a 50 school price-fixing cartel. Not the sharpest knives in the drawer.

@Forestschool1 Are you at forest school in London- seems so from the username? It’s in the terms of the school that you have to declare any ND on application or they can withdraw the place.

Not been in your shoes but personally I would tell the school. If they don’t want him there then he is best of in a school that do want bimy

What, at the time of the application you signed a form saying no diagnosis? That was a bit daft and, if that's the case and I were the head I'd be inclined to ask you to leave as I'd never be able to trust you again.

Why did you do that?

You obviously don't know much about ADHD and it's challenges in the regular/norm/office workplace... Entrepreneurism and creativity (writing, musician, actor, artist) are roles best suited to ADHD... and they can be tough to break! So moving from one role to the next to support yourself/family is usual and so hard...