I thought I'd share my story as a couple of years ago I was feeling pretty despondent scrolling through threads where posters' biggest issue was which of multiple high achieving schools to pick for their DC.
My youngest son is at a Prep school and is clearly bright although not exceptional/gifted. He performed extremely well in CAT tests though and got the highest possible score of 141 in both NVR and Quantative tests and 134 in Verbal with an average of 139. This led us to believe he should be sitting for some of the top, highly selective schools.
He sat a mixture of 11+ and Common PreTest (for a move at 13+) for what I would describe as a mix of very highly selective, selective and one mixed ability school.
He didn't even make it past the ISEB/first round exams for the selective schools - no interviews, no waitlists, nothing. He only received an offer for the mixed ability school.
It was made clear to me that the selective schools will not allow pupils to sit again for the same school a couple of years later. For the 13+ moves we had in any case assumed he would stay on at his Prep for year's 7 and 8 and so that's what he did, holding onto the 13+ place at the mixed ability school.
I happened to chat to another parent at a school event. She told me that her elder son had been in a similar position. Like us, she had another child at the mixed ability school and though it was right for her eldest, she hadn't felt it was the right fit for her younger son. Despite being told repeatedly that there was no option to resit for a school he had failed to get into, she told me that she called the admissions department repeatedly for over a year and that eventually he was allowed to sit for an occasional place at the school and ended up securing it.
We spoke to our Prep school who confirmed they were extremely surprised that our son had failed to secure a place at the more competitive schools and said they would support us in any further applications.
I got back in touch with the super selective school we most wanted him to go to. After several emails they confirmed they would allow him to sit for a place on the 13+ waitlist. So he would need to sit another entrance exam in Year 8 and if successful we were told a number of times it would only entitle him to waitlisted place. It was clearly a longshot. We didn't want to put him through multiple exams and face failure all over again so sat for just that school which was both his and our first choice, and another he hadn't sat for previously.
To cut a long story short, we showed up on the day of the exam and I was expecting a handful of boys given we were applying for a occasional chance at a place on the waitlist. There were literally hundreds of boys and it seemed I had set him up for failure all over again.
He passed the exam. He was then interviewed a few weeks later. And then some weeks after that we received notification that not only had he been successful but he was being offered a guaranteed place to start in September.
Clearly this won't happen for everyone. My son was able and for whatever reason didn't deliver to his potential in the ISEB and other tests but it shows that the door doesn't necessarily close completely once the 11+ results come out and for many kids there are still options.
My eldest son is slightly cross with me that he didn't get a second chance and is at the mixed ability school (which to be clear he is enjoying) but I feel that it's the right environment for him and that it's much better for him to be in top sets at a mixed ability, sporty school than struggling in something that is too much of a stretch academically. He can always move for A Levels if he chooses to do so.
Would my youngest get just as good results in that school, very possibly. But my motivations for wanting him at the selective school were more complex and from a size point of view, a cohort point of view and for other reasons we felt it was a better fit. It is a lesson in resilience. He has matured hugely over the last couple of years and his approach to learning is very different to what it is at 11.
Whether you are disappointed with your options or not I do firmly believe that things typically work out in the end. There are many times where I failed to get the job I thought I wanted most in the world at the time - but something better always came along and I look back now and know that it was almost always the right outcome.
Good luck. It can be pretty soul destroying reading some of the high achieving threads here (although huge kudos to the kids and parents who nail it first time). I just want people to know that its almost always ok in the end.