Cross-London commutes

[Farpavilions]

Please could I hear from those whose secondary school kids have done cross-London commutes to school (45 minutes or so)? There are lots of posters who advise against but most seem to have made choices accordingly so have no actual experience. For those whose kids have done it, how do you (and more importantly they) feel about it? What problems have come up? How have you and the schools made it work? How has it affected their social experience and family life? Has it been worth it for a really great school?

I find there’s a timing element, but more importantly how many changes/modes of transport will be required. 45 minutes on one bus/tube isn’t an issue. 45 minutes over three tube lines or mixed services could be a mission.

My daughter has a 60 min commute- 45 mins on bus and short walk either end. She hates it!

My DD need to allow at least 45 minutes and they only live about 3.5 miles from school.

It's not just the journeys if it's a bus you need to take into account how busy they are - some days 3 buses can go past without stopping.

Depends on Tube line, train, bus options you have. 45 mins of walking? Bus? Tube and change?

Mine had had a 45 min commute with 1 tube + 1 bus. The change is a pain and causes unpredictability requiring 15 mins spare time in the journey. She's in 6th form now and loves the school so won't change but I'm aiming to avoid this for her sibling if I can. Challenges we faced:

• starting at 7am for 8.20 school to allow for waiting & change of transport and to avoid rush hour when buses don't stop on popular school routes
• one parent needing to accompany DD to tube station during dark months
• coming home takes ages after idle time with friends after school; by the time she's home she's been out for 11ish hours and exhausted
• the commute & fatigue leads to less productive time at home
• most after school/late evening shows/productions are not possible (esp when most kids would go home and come back for a 6pm event)
• girls who live near school meet up frequently and hang at each others houses which she cannot do
• several weekends we find ourselves driving twice to drop and collect her to social events near school
• parent being available on phone to sort out/support during evening return journey if tube/buses not running or pick up at short notice

Overall I would avoid such a journey if possible as secondary years need a lot of study, games, extra curricular and socialising which is at odds with a long commute. Parents' inconvenience aside the child loses a lot.

To answer your other question - if you are weighing up a great school 45 mins away with a not good school nearby I would advice you go for the better school. But if the difference is less about outcome and more about prestige or perceived gains, I'd suggest you go for the closer school.

5 years is a long time.

For 6th form I'd say go for the best option you can.

I had a 45ish minute commute to school - one train (30m) plus walking either end. The downsides were I had to get up stupidly early (6.30 am every school day for 10 years). But the main issue was the social side of things - most girls lived near school so I missed out on weekends. Also I feel like I didn’t grow up where I lived (as none of my friends lived there) nor where I went to school (cos I didn’t live there).

Plus side was it made me very organised (if I missed that train I’d be late for school as there were only two an hour) and independent and resourceful quite young (figuring out how to make my way home if the train got cancelled or terminated af a different station when I’d spent my emergency 20p on a Ripple bar so couldn’t call home. But this was in the 80s/90s - no one walked me to/from the station in the dark back then!

Lots of kids in London secondary schools travel across and so you get groups to travel together. Some car pools for certain areas. We heard parents getting together and sorting a minibus for a group of kids. Lots of options in London and some schools understand if tube strikes or delay.

I did this throughout my schooling but rather because I was in the countryside. It's awful. It exhausted me and it causes issues with making friends as you just don't live near anyone. Years later I still have bad memories of it.

A 45min commute was normal for me growing up in London, lots of kids do it. I had a great social life but the drive was maybe 30 mins in traffic & the vast majority of dc at the school were spread out. If it’s a grammar/selective stream/faith/private dc will come from all over.

Anton pissed off cos he knows it's true

Sorry wrong thread

We’ve made it work, we have family and other reasons for not moving and it’s one tube change (with back up train options, and double back up bus options). It would be easier to live near school, but it’s not stopped the DC doing late nights (we meet them at the tube), early mornings or any drama / music / sport they want to do.

Older DD recently had the choice to move closer for A levels, but decided that it wasn’t even worth looking at other schools as she’s so happy where she is.

@Farpavilions , the schools don't care, attendance is the priority and the importance is to get the dc to school in time for the school day, production, match etc.

At least with 45 minutes in London, there's a sizeable chance that there are alternative routes if something goes wrong (other bus companies, train, tram) or it's within walking distance. After all, once you get to 7.20am, something that's a ten minute drive direct is 45 minutes every day in outer London.

It's certainly better than a single school bus for a ten mile trip like DP had from his village to the nearest school - and if you missed it/got detention, you were walking.

Mine does 90 minutes each way - and has done since Y1, since Y7 she's done it independently.

She doesn't mind doing it - 2 trains with a change of platform in the middle and a 5 minute or 3 minute walk at either end. She gets a seat on both, the long one has wifi and tables so she just does all her homework, or downloads Netflix to watch.

With where we live, the shortest commute to any secondary school was just under an hour but involved a long walk, so she prefers this for the school she wants.

The station staff all know her and look out for her (and sling left-on-board items off at our local station for her!) and she's very good at managing things like cancelled trains or other issues.

In terms of friendships, her school has a huge catchment as it's lottery entry, so it's not the case that she misses out on things happening locally. She seems to have a solid online social life and will then go into London for parties, meet-ups etc at weekends.

She stays late several nights a week for afterschool clubs, and has music classes externally that are close to school another couple. It's her normal so there's never been any complaints. She's a bit tired first week back after long holidays but after that it's fine again.

The plus is that with London there are loads of options if something isn't working or if she misses a train there will be another along in 20 minutes. Any of the more local options geographically there was just the one bus or nothing. She has a lot of freedom this way.

Just to add, school are totally fine with it. I email in if DD is going to be late due to train issues and I have a tracker so I can see where she is. Train strikes are a problem as we don't have secondary options till she's near London, but they don't mark her absent for national strikes and she gets sent work on Teams to do at home.

Occasionally she's stayed really late for things and teachers have messaged me to ensure that she's made it home okay which is very sweet of them.

Have a trail run on the London peak hour with your DC to see if he/she enjoyed it, look at the total door to door time including walking/interchange waiting etc. Think twice if it is over an hour.

I'd always suggest that you don't just consider "great school" versus "not so great school" but "great school plus long commute" versus "not so great school plus more time to do things" to get a full comparison.

I'd also suggest that a child getting used to a long commute (and preferring not to change schools once they are settled) is not a sign that they enjoy it.

Take as a point of comparison - would you opt for a better job that was an hour's commute away versus one that was not so good that was 10 minute's walk away?

Downsides are the early starts and making friends who live a 45 min commute in the opposite direction. Also train and tube strikes