Year 6 child - secondary school worries

[Hopepark]

I wasn't sure whether to post on the primary or secondary thread for this, but hope that here some people may be able to give me advice from experience/hindsight - or solidarity!

My Yr6 child is already getting really worried about secondary school.
They will be moving from a small village primary to a large state secondary that they will be able to walk easily to, have local friends etc. I believe that it’s the right school for them, the best 'fit', has the best opportunities and it has an excellent reputation so we are lucky, but it is possible that they might be the only child from their primary going there (we live in a different secondary catchment area from most of their classmates).

How on earth can I help them, other than just listening and not trying to dismiss how they are feeling? I'm sure it will likely work out fine in the end but obviously this is not guaranteed and saying that really isn't going to help at the moment - they can't believe it. Should I speak to the school ahead of them starting to raise it with them or would that be OTT?

Also feeling mum guilt that we moved to a different area (trying to do the best in terms of secondary options….) and that I should have thought more carefully about moving them to a more local primary school ahead of secondary. They were just very happy and settled at the other primary and wanted to stay there and we can still get to it easily.

Anyone been through similar?

Both my children went to a secondary that no one else went to. There is usually a transition day where all year 6s attend the secondary in July. All the current year 7s move up to their new year 8 class etc. There are also usually additional mornings or days for children who are not coming from the feeder primaries and were held after the transition day, so they knew their new classmates by sight and also who else might be on their own.

As a form they all move round to their classes together at least for the first couple of weeks so stick with those from your class as they walk through the corridors. Ds stuck to the kid who sat next to him in form, he was from a feeder primary so Ds just tagged along with him at both break and lunch and the had a small group of kids to hang around with.

Ds2 didn't have a friendly kid so he just followed the mass of his class but at break rather than standing alone he just walked round so it looked like he was heading somewhere. There were also clubs on at lunch that he could go to. After 2 weeks some kid said I always see you walking around, are you ok, Ds said yes just don't know anyone, kid asked which school he came from and they are still mates and in year 13.

The other thing to do is in school holidays or on the weekend is walk up to the school, get used to the route so it feels really familiar when they come to do it on their own. Later on they can work out times, by X time I need to be at this roundabout or crossing this road. Ds1 was walking home with some kids who just walked the same route as him, I think one was year 8 but it is just familiar faces and everyone walking in the same direction.

When school allocation day is over find out who else is going to the school and if no one put feelers out through other parents to see if anyone knows anyone else who is going.

If it helps any - better this way around than the way I was - thrilled to be going to a school where I could get away from the kids I'd been at primary school with.

Hope transition days serve well to reassure your child.

Yes, further to poster's dc walking round at lunch to look buy rather than stood about on tjeir own, I told dc to take a book with tjem, then at lunch if they were on their own they could sit and read and look engaged, rather than sat doing nothing, so less self conscious, plus a couple of times other solo bookworms came and sat with them.

Do you know of any other parents (neighbours? friends of friends?) with children who are also going to the new school? It's a good time now for both of you to develop those friendships. Invite them over, invite them out.

You can often get in an extra 'visit' by buying tickets to the school show at easter, or any other event that is run at that school. Eg some clubs not part of the school may use the school facilities.

I'm a secondary teacher in a rural area, and every year we do have children coming up not knowing anyone else. They do soon fit in and make friends, but as you say, telling your child that now doesn't help, and you've got months of anxiety to go.

I do think if you can get your child to join a club in your new area it will help- would they try it with bribery or similar?

The other thing I would do at the moment is downplay the issues e.g. "school hasn't been allocated yet, we don't know who is going where, maybe one of your friends will be going etc"- I know this just pushes the issue down the road, but they may be worrying about a scenario that won't happen anyway?

Hi - I completely understand your worries as I felt them too.
We moved areas as my daughter left Year 6. As a Year 6 teacher .. all my friends wondered what I was doing !
It was hard for her for about 5 mins .. on Transition Day she was in a red uniform and everyone else was in blue or green . We moved from Surrey to Sussex . When I look back now my heart skips a beat at what a big move it was and how brave my daughter was.
On that day she made 3 friends … 2 of them are still very close to her.
She is now 21 and says it is the best thing we ever did!

I think it’s quite difficult to meet dc in advance and then hook up with them at school. It’s too big for that. As not going isn’t an option, I just think being positive about friends and possibilities is the best way to go. So many dc move away from primary friends anyway. Mine both went to a school with no other friends from y6. Just didn’t look back. They accepted the challenge and made new friends. It’s difficult not to worry but it’s important to help them move successfully and there’s not a huge amount you can do except tell the school that DD doesn’t know anyone.