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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

1 in 5 children missing school

84 replies

ladykale · 24/01/2024 10:40

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66701748.amp

I don't understand these stats in the U.K. a proportion of children suffer from mental health and SEN issues which are not well supported in school, but that can't be 1 in 5!

Mental health/SEN aside, interested to hear from mums on here - do you let you kids not go to school if they don't feel like it or push back a lot?

How come school attendance rates are much higher in other European countries and very high in developed Asian countries - are their children not subject to similar mental health challenges?

Are these children at home or on the streets while they don't attend school?

OP posts:
Nothankyou22 · 24/01/2024 13:51

My 12 year old asd son is off today because he feels he has no friends and can’t cope, he hangs around with others that have asd and takes anything they literally which causes issues

Nothankyou22 · 24/01/2024 13:55

Just to add his mental health needs have been passed from pillar to post since 2021 and latest been waiting since Nov 2022

SoLookUpTonight · 24/01/2024 14:09

At this point, my child would learn more at home than she does on many days at school. So many lessons are done by supply teachers who haven’t been properly briefed on the class or what they should be teaching them. Sometimes no teacher has turned up at all for the lesson and the kids are left standing in the corridor. Even some of the teachers that are permanent staff and in school, are understandably disillusioned and stressed with the job and not doing the job as well as they used to.

It’s no surprise that when parents hear this, they’re putting less value on their children being in school. Along with kids coping with ND, mental health issues, physical health issues and then the parents who never sent their kids to school regularly, I’m not surprised by the 1 in 5 figure.

If I had young children, I’d be very concerned for them and seriously considering home schooling. As it is, my youngest is in year 10 so almost done. The 6th form college she’ll attend is excellent thankfully but I feel for younger kids and their parents. And it’s not like everyone has spare time to top up learning at home....parents are often both working long hours and hardly seeing their children just to have the basics in life!

Huge changes are needed in society, employment, benefits, healthcare as well as education itself to sort it. Even if a Labour government gets in and starts to repair the damage, it’ll take years and most kids in school right now will be directly impacted by the issues for years.

My youngest is autistic and I push less now than I did for her to attend school. The problems in schools mean that it’s become an even tougher environment for her with the lack of support, less control in lessons, lack of regular teachers, having to changing rooms often and general chaos. It’s a fucking mess basically and it isn’t parents fault!

EasternStandard · 24/01/2024 14:19

Probably a few things but Covid shut down will have had an impact

Likely in other countries that did the same too

lanthanum · 24/01/2024 14:20

It's not completely clear what they're counting. If they're counting every child who ever gets one of those "below 90% attendance" letters, then I am unsurprised. DH did the maths when we got one, and basically, if you assumed a child's probability of attending school is average (and this was before the pandemic, when that was a bit higher), then there was something like a 25% chance that they would have at least one term when it fell below 90%. It only takes about six days - so chickenpox or a couple of nasty bugs is enough.

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:23

It's not (and never has been) an option for my kids to miss school....unless they're on their death beds.

Harder if you're both working FT outside the home cos you don't have the oversight of ensuring they've gone to school, but even then, if they were bunking off I'd be tempted to change locks and not give them the key so they couldn't come home again.

Lindy2 · 24/01/2024 14:28

My DD has ASD and ADHD. For the last 12 months she has had very low attendance. She's been very unwell due to autistic burnout.

Support from CAMHS is practically non existent.

There is a worldwide shortage of ADHD medication that has been going on for approximately 6 months now. It's a health crisis that seems to be going totally unnoticed.

She should be in a specialist setting. There aren't any places.

She now has an EHCP. It took a year to obtain when the maximum legal time is 20 weeks. The help it offers might have worked a year ago. It's too little too late now and so far I don't see much evidence of the school properly following the EHCP anyway.

My child isn't academic. GCSEs are too difficult for her. The old system of O'levels and CSEs catered for non academic children. When she had 100% attendance she still couldn't do the work herself. She has short term memory issues. Years of failing tests and not understanding the work have contributed to her mental health issues. The education system is failing non academic children.

Schools are too big and too regimented. My Secondary School was a 4 form intake. DD's is 8 forms on a school site that can't really fit all the children in. It's too crowded, too noisy, there's no room in the playground, the queues for food at lunchtime or to even use the toilet are too long. DD gave up eating, drinking or using the toilet at school.

After struggling last year she started this current school year trying to be really determined. Within 20 minutes she was given a detention for something very minor. A missing piece of stationary. The teacher chose to humiliate her in front of the class. The SENCO removed the detention, which should never have been given, but the damage to her confidence was done and it actually triggered a mental health crisis. She hasn't been able to go back to that class since.

Our neuro diverse children are being let down terribly.

Lindy2 · 24/01/2024 14:33

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:23

It's not (and never has been) an option for my kids to miss school....unless they're on their death beds.

Harder if you're both working FT outside the home cos you don't have the oversight of ensuring they've gone to school, but even then, if they were bunking off I'd be tempted to change locks and not give them the key so they couldn't come home again.

That's how I thought 12 months ago.

When DD first lay in bed saying she couldn't go to school (due to a traumatic incident the day before) I told her that wasn't an option and she needed to be ready in 30 minutes.

She self harmed. Blood was running down her arms. She later tried to overdose.

Even good parents who haven't had any difficulties before, can have children who can't cope in school.

TheNanny24 · 24/01/2024 14:34

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:23

It's not (and never has been) an option for my kids to miss school....unless they're on their death beds.

Harder if you're both working FT outside the home cos you don't have the oversight of ensuring they've gone to school, but even then, if they were bunking off I'd be tempted to change locks and not give them the key so they couldn't come home again.

Very easy to say this kind of thing if you've never had children with problems attending school.

If you had a child who was terrified of going to school because of bullying, or was burned out and experiencing a mental health crisis, you wouldn't just change the locks and skip off to work without a backward glance.

If you have a child who is refusing to go to school, then there quickly gets to a point where they are too big for you to overpower and force in to the school building (plus teachers can't restrain them once they're in either).

MariaVT65 · 24/01/2024 14:34

Pp makes a good point about giving out detentions for no reason. I read on here a lot about detention etc for things like having a logo on a school shoe. Wrong things are being focused on it seems.

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:35

@Lindy2 I'm not saying it means someone is necessarily a bad parent if their child isn't in school, just what I'd do.

Watchinghockey · 24/01/2024 14:35

Lack of access to GPs and the NHS generally is impacting badly on attendance figures. Teen DS has just missed 5 days of school - GP refused repeatedly to see him despite worrying symptoms. Eventually called 111 who sent him straight to hospital who treated him and had us bring him back the following 2 days. Had the GP seen him, we'd have missed less or no school and cost the NHS less. We ended up with 3 prescriptions, 3 visits, and several monitoring phone calls. If the GP had seen him in the previous 2 weeks it would probably have been 1 GP appointment and 1 set of antibiotics, much cheaper for the taxpayer.

TheNanny24 · 24/01/2024 14:37

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:35

@Lindy2 I'm not saying it means someone is necessarily a bad parent if their child isn't in school, just what I'd do.

If your response to your child self harming is to push them out of the house, change the locks and go to work then you definitely are a bad parent.

Ponderingwindow · 24/01/2024 14:40

As an outsider with only anecdotal evidence from reading mumsnet, it looks very much like the problem is absolutely awful provision of mental health and sen services.

even the concept of school refusers baffles me. When our eventually diagnosed SEN dc had issues, she was in therapy within a couple of weeks. It took time to dial in the perfect approach, but it never got to the point of refusing to go to school. No one, not us, not her teachers, not her doctor, would have been that passive.

Dacadactyl · 24/01/2024 14:40

@TheNanny24 who said that? Why so defensive.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/01/2024 14:41

Lindy2 · 24/01/2024 14:33

That's how I thought 12 months ago.

When DD first lay in bed saying she couldn't go to school (due to a traumatic incident the day before) I told her that wasn't an option and she needed to be ready in 30 minutes.

She self harmed. Blood was running down her arms. She later tried to overdose.

Even good parents who haven't had any difficulties before, can have children who can't cope in school.

Exactly what my dd did.

Fortunately she got an EHCP in December.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/01/2024 14:43

Ponderingwindow · 24/01/2024 14:40

As an outsider with only anecdotal evidence from reading mumsnet, it looks very much like the problem is absolutely awful provision of mental health and sen services.

even the concept of school refusers baffles me. When our eventually diagnosed SEN dc had issues, she was in therapy within a couple of weeks. It took time to dial in the perfect approach, but it never got to the point of refusing to go to school. No one, not us, not her teachers, not her doctor, would have been that passive.

Fuck off with passive.

I fought to keep my dd in school. She self harmed and ended up in A and E.

Wr had no choice.

WhatNoRaisins · 24/01/2024 14:45

How do other countries help their children and teens with SEN or mental health struggles access school?

Meadowfinch · 24/01/2024 14:47

As children, we had very clear rules about when we could stay home. We had to have a temperature of at least 99, or a genuine chickenpox style rash, and if we stayed off, we were to stay quietly in bed all day, absolutely no TV.

Funnily enough, we were almost always at school. 😀

IcedupTulip · 24/01/2024 14:52

Mine don’t enjoy school. Year 10 and 7. Think the year 10 will get through it but dreading the extra pressure year 11 will bring.

The year 7 I’m not sure about. Already says fed up of school and doesn’t want to go. Was ok at primary. Think it’s all the teachers off sick and substitutes and friendship dramas that she’s not involved in but watching from the edge.

seems like there’s always a test coming up too. Really not sure how her school journey will fare but I’m crossing my fingers and hoping.

SoLookUpTonight · 24/01/2024 14:53

even the concept of school refusers baffles me.

You could listen to what parents are saying and you would no longer be baffled.....or you could write your offensive bollocks @Ponderingwindow. I’m guessing you won’t listen and will continue to write shit. Go you. Well done. 🙃

SoLookUpTonight · 24/01/2024 14:55

Fuck off with passive.

I fought to keep my dd in school. She self harmed and ended up in A and E.

Wr had no choice.

Well said @ArseInTheCoOpWindow. I’ve seen you write about your daughter on many threads, I’m so pleased she now has an EHCP and hope things are improving. 💐

GettingBetter2024 · 24/01/2024 15:07

It's so sad. These children should be supported and be able to go into school and feel safe.

The constant fear of "detention for not having a pen" in these type of schools does not work for a significant minority of kids. Our local one was a "No excuses" school and even though my autistic child is very rule driven I knew it wouldn't work for her.

I'm so sad for the kids mentioned o. This thread. I'm a teacher amd would love to be able to offer a small nurturing environment. It is school that has made the problem worse and they only get one crack at childhood.

GettingBetter2024 · 24/01/2024 15:07

(((Lindy))) I'm so sorry 😔. Of course her mental health and wellbeing takes absolute priority.

Newchapterbeckons · 24/01/2024 15:11

In many countries where we lived the idea that you have a day off school due to poor mental heath is unheard of. This country is very very accommodating to this but in lots of countries you are told to get some fresh air and get on with it. If you are mildly ill ditto.

It’s a decision for you if you think this is positive or not. Mental health support is not a universal priority!! Truly in some countries excelling academically is considered of greater importance and/or poor mh not taken especially seriously.