Secondary school making ?ADD increasingly apparent- any tips?

[Boomarang]

Maybe, maybe not ADD.

My son moved up to his ferociously academically selective (independent) secondary school in Sept.

DS (one of 3 children) is academically very talented- much more so than his siblings. He’s popular, thoughtful, quite sensitive, plays sports, sails through objective exams, can tell me all about every element of the periodic table, can describe the flag of any country in the world, can discuss the nuances of world events etc.

But blooming heck, he cannot find his way out of a paper bag. His executive function is terrible. He needs prompting for every daily task. He looses school bags, games kit, coats, bus pass etc etc on a daily basis. We could just about manage it at junior school but this first term in senior school has involved at least one weekly parent trip into school to track down his gear.

Hie report came though today- all comments very positive re exam results and attitude to learning but a thread across all subjects about needing to organise himself, late for class, missing books of kit, handing in prep late (which I know he has done but neglecting to hand in), forgetting he has an instrument lesson.

It’s started to cause him real anxiety now. He is never sure what ball he has dropped. If I ask him ‘have you got your English book’ he just looks terrified until he has found it.

He messages me at work when he is on the bus home saying ‘I’m such an idiot, this just proves it’ when he has misplaced his school bag/ games kit etc.

He has always been scatty, forgetful, messy and we have tried every approach- star charts, penalties, positive reinforcement. Each just seem to lead to him being disappointed in his own organisational failures..

I think he has ADD and his photographic memory and rapid curious brain has got him this far without incident, but at his senior school it’s becoming increasingly apparent this is not enough (nor will it be as he grows up).

I’ve asked school for a meeting next term, they will hopefully give us some guidance.

My main worry is the constant angst he has about what he has lost or forgotten. If you met him you would never know- he converses brilliantly with adults, has a wicked dry sense of humour, is very kind and world aware..

Do any of you have any advice, recommendations, words of wisdom to help us set up for the new term? We have a special drawer for all his school subject folders, timetables and homework planners. It just feels as soon as he gets on the school bus it all comes unstitched.

If you do go down the private route for assessment, make sure your GP will accept the diagnosis and will take over prescribing from that diagnoser. In my LA, CAMHs are overrun with requests for assessment so GPs are giving the option to use the Right to Choose pathway. However, even the private providers still have long waiting lists.
https://adhdaware.org.uk/what-is-adhd/getting-nhs-diagnosis/right-to-choose/#:~:text=To%20go%20through%20the%20Right,think%20you%20might%20have%20ADHD.

We have a bright autistic child and executive function is a real struggle. He’s also in year 7 and I am still “scaffolding” a lot - I pack and unpack his bag, make sure homework is completed and submittted etc. Yes he needs to learn these skills himself, but this term has been about adjusting to secondary school, there’s enough to worry about with the general transition and I don’t want his confidence knocked by detentions for forgotten things. I wound suggest you get a referral, but in the meantime pin up a weekly visual timetable or checklist (laminated so it can be checked off daily) with everything they need will be helpful. My son has a timetable book in his blazer pocket, which also has reminders written in it. But if I tell him to put his bag away he will still ask me where it belongs (same place for the past 7 years!!) so we are very much a work in progress!

This thread turned out to be so super helpful! Thank you, OP, for starting it!

But if I tell him to put his bag away he will still ask me where it belongs (same place for the past 7 years!!)

It made me laugh @Swim23. It sounds so much like my own DC. I literally can never understand how his brain works sometimes 😂, even though I myself have ADHD too.

There are lots of good tips from you and other posters. Notes are taken for my DC next year!

My son was recently diagnosed with ASD (his older sister also has ASD with ADHD). Both academically brilliant, my eldest also artistically gifted, but also needing support with planning/organisation/short-term memory (you send them upstairs to get item X and they forget not only what you’ve sent the upstairs for, but that they were supposed to be getting something at all - and be out the door and off to school ten mins ago!!) The diagnosis was excellent as it was ‘information’ for my son in particular. He uses phone apps - and other tech - to make detailed notes on homework, set reminders etc as he recognises that his brain doesn't prioritise this info. He’s learned to chunk things down - as have we (’can you 1. Go and get x, 2, do y and then 3. do z asap’).
He’s predicted 7-9 across all his GCSEs but will need help and supervision by us around revision. We have a white board so that he can organise his week kinesthetically/visually and tick things off as complete. He wants to study medicine, so he is keen to be positive and explore all the tech tools available to take the stress out of his day. Like your son, now that he understand why he found social situations stressful/anxiety inducing, he copes better and really no-one other than teachers with kids on the spectrum would spot the signs now. He is socially charming and beloved by his peers and teachers for being kind, funny, polite and willing to get involved now. We don’t regard it as a self-limiting diagnostic label, but as a bit of information as to how his brain works and to pre-flag situations that might be an issue so we - no, HE - can put support in place if he needs it.
We’ve Used Berkshire Psychology for ASD diagnoses and the Oxford ADHD Centre for medication for my eldest (is on ‘Ritalin’/Methylphenidate).

Hi All,

We suspect our little girl (5.5 years old) is 2e too. She is super bright but some difficulties transitioning and controlling emotions at school. The school (private) is aware and have a plan in place for her but they want a full assessment done. Does anyone has recommendations for a private assessor who has expertise with 2e kids in or around London? If so, could you please share?

Thanks