Advice please. DC hit trying to split 'fight' up.

[Meep2024]

Good morning. Long time lurker here and I'd like some advice please as to how to handle this situation. DS has ASD and ADHD and is in a mainstream school with support where necessary mainly for academic reasons.

A friend of theirs is currently being bullied by another student and this has been going on for months. Recently their friend had come up to DS and his friend group at lunch and asked if they could walk with them as they were being followed by the student in question. The friend asked the student to leave them alone and carried on walking with DSs friendship group. This was ignored and they then continued to follow DSs group when the bully suddenly started hitting their friend completely unprovoked. The friend never retaliated and as there were no Staff and no Midday Supervisors around, DS somewhat unwisely tried to stop it himself. He was consequently punched in the face by the same student for his troubles and although he didn't hit back he did swear. The student in question tried claiming they had been provoked but review of the cctv footage showed this not to be the case and confirmed DSs only involvement was to try and stop the physical nature of what has been termed an 'altercation'. I don't condone the swearing obviously but I'm struggling to find what would be someone's reasonable response to being punched also. When taking statements a lot of emphasis was put on DSs reaction to being hit by one staff member who asked him how he thinks mum would feel if they were to ring home and tell me what he'd said. I understand they have to be seen to be disciplining equally but it felt like the focus of this was being emphasised more than the fact the student had just hit two other students completely unprovoked.

Apparently the student in question has been known to get impulsively aggressive before and when I asked where the Staff were I was told that 'they can't be everywhere at once' (fair enough) and that 'they encourage independence in their students'. They later emailed me to inform me the student had been sanctioned appropriately (one days suspension) and that they would meet with DS to reassure him how they'd monitor the situation moving forward.

The student has been goading DS ever since and when DS recently went to speak to another member of staff when he felt unsafe (the reassurance meeting never occured), whilst sat there with the bruise and mark still visible on his face was told he needs to move on from this. I've been trying to draft a response to the email I was sent but to be honest I don't even know where to start. Am I right in thinking there are also safeguarding elements here and how would you word it or address it in your response please? Thankyou for your advice and for reading this far.

I don't have any helpful input regarding your email, but I just want to say well done to your son for helping his friend. It takes courage to do that, and he is clearly a good human. Schools infuriate me with how they handle bullying, because if the victim stands up for themselves, they are the ones that end up in trouble.

Hopefully you will have some helpful responses for your email

Thankyou so much for your kind words and flowers extratoebeans. Much appreciated.

Most secondary schools have an official line that they need to follow on this.

If violence is seen then the perpetrator will be punished.

If your son had hit back he would also be suspended.

There is a sense in which they have to do this in order to hold the line on violence.

Realistically they have to be seen to tell him off for the swearing, especially as it is on cctv but this is not a serious problem nor do the school really think it is.

I'd suggest that your son's friend finds out where the teachers who supervise lunchtime stand, and make about a metre away from them his new place to socialise with his friends.

Very few bullies are stupid enough to do it within 1m of a teacher.

The follow-up response is not good.

I would email quoting the part of their email about the reassurance meeting, point out that this never happened and the situation is still ongoing. Detail what happened with the other staff member and say that you have serious safeguarding concerns. To get over it and move on is not an appropriate response.

You can ask for their policy on bullying and physical violence, and what resolutions are available. If you're not satisfied, you can raise it with the governors - although this may depend on what their policy says.

Thankyou Octavia64 I completely agree and I'm proud of him for having the self restraint not to hit back and understand the need for them to be seen disciplining the swearing too.

Storey thankyou for your response also with regards to the email. I think that may be the correct approach to take. I discovered this morning that the student in question is in DSs tutor group. He used his time out card to leave yesterday as he was being goaded and to seek out his keyworker for further support (this was the one who then advised him to move on) and was given a truancy point for leaving. I think it has been rescinded now but will check that also.

Have you taken photos of the injuries your son and the other child sustained?

I would take these to the police and if there is CCTV of an unprovoked assault then I would ask the school to provide that to the police so they can sanction the abuser appropriately.

If you were walking down the street with a friend and your friend was hit by someone, and in breaking up the "fight" you also sustained facial injuries, would you just want that person to have a day off work because of it? No, you would call the police.

So go to the police for your child. It doesn't matter where the assault happened, it was assault. Protect your son and push the school to ensure that the bully is kept away from him in future.

I don't think the school's response here is brilliant - if your DS is still feeling harassed by this student, then they do need to address this.

Could your DS chat to his tutor or head of year and let them know how he's feeling?

If they are in the same tutor group, if your DS has friends in other tutor groups, could you ask for a tutor group move?

Ask then for a copy of the bullying and behaviour policy

Point out that while suggestions that he "move on" might be helpful after a situation has finished they are unhelpful when a situation is ongoing and ask them what they are going to do to address the fact that this aggressive child is now targeting your child

Explain that your child should not be expected to change there perfectly reasonable behaviour to accommodate a bully and tell then the meeting never took place ds continues to feel unsafe and its effecting his education

He has a bruised face, you have CCTV evidence and yet you have not gone to the police?

The school has a duty of care to your son, as well as other pupils. I'd be asking them what they are doing to ensure they uphold that duty?

Tbf the police will probably brush it off unless it spills out into the public streets

Hi all sorry for disappearing its been a bit of a busy week. Thankyou for all your responses you've all had great advice.

I actually did contact the police in the end, it's been referred to a school liason officer I'm not sure how useful they'll be but we'll see.

I emailed back stating I had safeguarding concerns and that they owe a duty of care to DS as well as others too, DS came home to say someone else had come and spoken with him (so that will be the meeting chalked off) and I woke up to a lengthy response to my email from the HOY outlining what they perceive of the incident so far and what steps they have taken since and reiterating that all parties had been told to stay away from each other and there'd be more severe consequences for any further aggression. Not quite sure how that's possible when they are in the same tutor and some other lessons but I guess time and the SLO will see how this plays out. I will keep you all updated.