Really nurturing and caring secondary school SW London/Surrey

[MangoAF]

My 7 year old is anxious - it’s breaking my heart and I just so badly want him to be happy. There’s a variety of behaviours/focuses of anxiety and just this week it’s started to be about headaches and worries about having a headache at school and not wanting to go in because he had a headache. He’s been to doctors and opticians this week.
I’m just thinking ahead about whether he will thrive in the boys only large comps available to us that are known to be quite “robust!”. His older brother is at Tiffin but obviously younger one may not get in.

So I want to start thinking about whether there are any small, nurturing, gentle, dare I say loving! Independent schools that may suit him. He is very academically able.
Any recommendations welcome.

Happy with boys only or mixed.

I am interested in the same for my 7yo autistic/adhd academically able boy...
My FIL is a governer at Halliford and thinks my son would do well there, though that is obviously not going to be an unbiased recommendation.

Out of interest, will you put your younger one in for the Tiffin exam, do you think the environment there would suit him of he got in? My older child is at TGS (only y7) and I think I would say the culture there would suit an anxious child though I have only half a term to base that on and it's a completely different school to the boys anyway so I don't know about the 11+ journey for my son...

you are describing kingswood house school in Epsom. Have a look x

Is he in an independent now? Or state?
Any Sen / ASD?

You have ages to think about a secondary think about what’s happening now and try and work out the triggers / whether he needs to move school before secondary ….. something is going on if he’s anxious at 7 (I mean that in the nicest way I’ve got an ASD sen boy)

Good luck

Hi all thanks for replies
I have heard lovely things about Halliford, even as a child we all knew it as a nice school! Journey a bit tricky but doable.

I am not yet sure about putting him in for Tiffin - he has the smarts no doubt but I’m not sure about the tenacity you need for the admission process. DS has only been there for a half term but seems to have grown massively in resilience - he was always anxious in a perfectionist way but that seems to have gone.

Thanks for the tip about Kingswood, I do actually have a friend with a son there but I thought it was a specialist school for children with autism. I will take a look.

He is at a large state primary with really good SEN provision according to those who know. He’s actually just come in and had a great day. He’s had a drawing and talking intervention before in Reception to help around transitions and has no problem with that now. No diagnosis of anything. My instinct isn’t ASD. His teacher is going to do a concerns form after we had a chat at pick up but he doesn’t seem too worried.

That’s the problem. Teachers are not able to diagnose and they don’t know what to look out for. My boy flew under the rador for years (including very experienced teachers) …. But guess what mum always know best - so keep going 👍

Halliford, radnor house, Kew house also st thomas is moving from Putney vale to Richmond hill for sept 2025. I have one at Halliford and he is also anxious - stomach aches, nausea etc. the school are amazing and could not have been any more accommodating if they tried

Have you considered Canbury School, Kingston? That might be suitable for your son.

fedupallthisrubbish my experience too. Told over and over again no SEN and that I was wrong... I wasn't and so glad I pursued it. Also it is often not in the interest of primaries to pursue diagnosis as it brings with it obligations/costs etc. So many families get fobbed off until the wheels fall off at secondary... and then its years for an NHS assessment and years of associated trauma and damage.

Keep an eye on London Park School opening this Sept at Clapham South. It’s small (and will stay small) and they are advertising it as a more holistic, individual approach to education. Good staff. Time will tell how it turns out, but could be a good option.

Of course, kids can change a lot between 7 and 10 when you need to choose schools…

The London park schools Principal is Suzie Longstaff who was an excellent head at Putney High.

If you can afford independent, would you not consider a prep until 13? Mine are in state but with my younger less robust DS I could see the advantages of moving at 13 instead of 11. They change a lot and are much more ready for secondary by then.

pinkdelight unfortunately there isn’t an entry point at 13 for lots of private day schools any more, just occasional spaces, so it’s a bit of a risk. And some of the schools that do offer 13+ entry (boarding) expect your child to have taken a pre test in y6. It’s rubbish for later developers.

If he had an EHCP then I would say Brookways in North Cheam. Avoid Cheam high at all cost

I'd look at St James Senior Boys in Ashford. Lots of boys there with a similar profile. I wouldn't recommend it to a boy who was struggling academically as their SEN provision for dyslexia etc isn't great, but they are pushing their academic side up, offer a huge selection of subjects for GCSEs and A Levels and are used to dealing with boys with a variety of behavioural / anxiety issues. Our DS was very happy there, was able to explore subjects and sports (like climbing, kayaking, rowing etc) that he may not have even thought of elsewhere, and made a solid group of friends for life.

And if you're anywhere near Kingston, bus 285 to Fulwell then one stop on the train to Ashford is a relatively easy commute. Alternatively train to Twickenham, where there's a whole platform of boys travelling to St James.