Were your DC keen on a particular private school?

[PaperDoves]

My son is 10 years old, very bright, not at all sporty.

We've visited seven schools, four state and three independent, trying to find the best fit for DS. To be fair he hasn't been especially keen on any of them, but I'm surprised at how completely unimpressed he's been with the private schools with their beautiful buildings, excellent facilities, and over the top attempts to woo us. He is unmoved by any of it -- the academics, the subjects on offer, the clubs, the grounds. I mentioned in passing the incredible modern architecture at one site (I have a weakness for a beautiful building) and he said, "yeah, it's pretty. Doesn't really matter though, does it?"

He prefers our local state option.

I don't think, at 10, he's best placed to pick the right school for himself. But I'm also not inclined to throw so much money at something he's not even moderately enthusiastic about when we have excellent state schools on our doorstep (despite the lack of beautiful buildings). He's a bright child and will undoubtedly do well anywhere.

But is this normal? Do other people's children get excited about a particular school after taking a tour or attending a taster day? Or is that asking too much at age 10? And how much did you take their preferences into account if they were more keen on the nearby state school?

I think your son sound like he has got his head screwed on.

My dd did have a particular preference, but that was because it was a specialist performing arts/ballet school.

My son went to an academic private school with amazing facilities but he was so unhappy there and they were very poor at dealing with his asd so we moved him to a local state school and for the first time ever he had friends there.

Also don't under-estimate the problems that an increased travel time can bring

@Comefromaway I'm so sorry your son had a bad experience (but it sounds like he found the right fit in the end!). DS also has ASD, although most people wouldn't notice at first. I was worried he wouldn't be "what they're looking for" but they had nothing but praise after the taster day. He tends to come off as overly intellectual and his social skills, while not great, aren't necessarily noticeable until you've spent a bit of time with him. But I'd absolutely hate to choose the wrong school and have him be miserable there. And he can be incredibly obstinant if he doesn't see the value in an activity the school is asking him to do, so it would quite possibly be a problem down the line.

His ASD is also why I'm completely convinced he would straight up flop the interview. He doesn't see why he should say something that isn't the truth.

And yes, I didn't enjoy the 40 minute drive across town at rush hour either! It's a privilege to be able to walk to school with friends.

Ds found the commute on top of the homework demands exhausting & it impacted his music/sport activities. Dd is also autistic and she had a worse commute but because she was doing something she loved (her special interest) plus the school had minimal homework demand.

Your son sounds very sensible. Private schools aren't all that - your sons choice sounds like the best option. An easy commute is extremely valuable - more time to do homework, other activities/hobbies, and chill/relax (important too). I'm sure you son will do well.

Thank you @Potterinthegarden, I'm sure he will too.

Our ds (currently in prep school and now yr8) has been extensively involved in choosing his next school, to start in yr9. However, we have final say! We have two comprehensives that we would probably get into in the lottery as we are well within catchment, both middling in results/reputation. DS saw state and private options locally (he visited 10 schools in total with us) and was able to give pros/cons of each. Ds has high functioning ASD and his main objection to some of the schools, specifically the three comprehensives and larger privates, was the size. He was clear he wanted a smaller school. There is a vast difference between the schools with 1000-1500 kids and 500ish. The specific facilities were less relevant to him, although he was able to note that some of the private schools offer a much wider array of subjects, clubs, sports, extracurriculars. He was also clear he didn’t want a very pressurising school, I.e. academic hot house.

we applied for several schools in the end and attended open days, went back for individual visits on a school day, went to various events, I tried to speak to current parents at each school and due to ds’ ASD & dyslexia I met with the SENCO at each. Sadly the SENCOs at both state schools said that ds was fine academically and as he has no ‘behavioural issues’ or attendance problems that they couldn’t really do more than have his name on their list of kids with extra needs. I know this is because they are so stretched but it worried me that if ds had difficulties then support would probably not be forthcoming. For obvious reasons the private schools can be more flexible.

DS is going to a private 13-18 coed school next year and they have been great in organising a transition programme for him. He is spending time (a half day or similar) at the new school each half term to familiarise himself with the geography, school day, key staff like SENCO and housemaster. He will be a day pupil but it is a school with boarders so he can stay late for dinner/homework/clubs some nights if desired.

@RedPanda2022 it sounds like you found an amazing fit for your son! That's fantastic. Do you have a lot of choice near you? We only really have three private options for boys (oddly we have much more choice with state) within a reasonable commute unless you're willing to at least flexiboard (which I absolutely am not at this age).

The state school that we listed as first choice (mine and my husband's, anyway, for DS it's second choice) is also very small and I'm told has amazing SEND support. I have a friend with two children with ASD who both attend and she loves it. I haven't actually spoken to the SENCO though -- DS's diagnosis is only a week old so it wasn't something I felt confident discussing at the time.

The school DS prefers the most is similar to what you describe in that the support is given to students with visible need. My eldest went there and while it's a great school in a lot of ways I'm also aware of its weaknesses, and think he would thrive more in a smaller, more focused environment. It's a lottery though, so he may well end up at either.