No motivation for year 10 DS

[Spacemoonpf]

I'm pulling my hair as I feel like like a failure of a parent. DS is in year 10 but zero motivation. No motivation to do his homework, or study. He's got assessments this week but zero motivation. I have to keep pushing him to study or do his homework, if I don't neither will be done. He only wants to play games. I have told him he needs to come up with a plan on how he studies and his homework, also we have taken his xbox during school days and no allowance money for now (which he all spends on games). Told him when he's ready I will be here to discuss and help him.

So my plan is to leave him for 2 weeks and see if he will reflect. Breaks my heart but I'm hoping this will work (especially because I know when he applies himself he picks up in his subjects). Am O wrong for doing this?

No you’re not wrong. You’re teaching him a lesson with love. TBH, I think I’d be more strict than that. I’d force him to work and pay for utilities. His only obligation is to study (I’d assume). If he doesn’t learn your way, he will learn the hard way (life). Reality check: world becomes more competitive and parents will not be living forever + online relationships will never be as valuable as offline connections.

Thank you for that. I think tough love is the only way sometimes

@Spacemoonpf Time for a how will you afford your x box/the latest console in the future talk or going out with your mates if you earn shitty wages and are forced to spend all of your money on things like gas and electric. MN has a money board with people talking about the cost of living crisis and how it is affecting them.

You do not live with your parents, he cannot live with you forever. He needs to get good grades to move him onto the next level whatever that might be. We had a massive talk about this when the children were around year 7, looked at wages (teachers, supermarket workers, waiters, things they could relate to around them) then looked at house prices, mortgage lending, sort of every day maths calculations, listed utilities, council tax, insurance, phones, food costs etc. You see minimum wage looks like a lot of money when you don't have any bills to pay ie living with your parents as they assume like now they can live rent free.

My line has always been I will be on your case about it because I love you and am willing to be disliked by you because I can see the bigger picture in life. For us we have a family member who is still on minimum wage jobs in their mid 40s and has no money ever, not even a car now. Their washing machine broke and now they use the laundrette as they can't afford to replace it. No holidays ever, very rarely a meal out. Hearing those real life stories helped drive the message home.