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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Not choosing local school impact socially

28 replies

Mobey78 · 05/11/2023 12:24

Those of you who chose to not send DC to the local secondary school how has it been for them socially?

The town we live in has one secondary school which is not good - poor reputation and poor academic results.

We're considering sending our DC to a school in a neighbouring town but I'm slightly concerned about what impact this may have socially.

Does anyone have any positive stories of not using the local option but their DC still being able to maintain local friendships ?

OP posts:

Brownhairdontcare · 05/11/2023 12:29

Kind of a different scenario because I'm in London, so there are loads of schools to choose from, but my eldest didn't go to the 'obvious' school a lot of her friends went to. It just wasn't quite the right fit for them. They're all in year 8 now and are still friends, recently went trick or treating together! But the choice of going to a different school really helped pave the way for new friendships to be made, which was very helpful after a slightly 'tense' year 6. If it's a better school for your child then go for it, so many friendships shift and alter once they're in secondary anyway x

Ahtishoo · 05/11/2023 12:33

My DC doesn’t go to the local school. We are in a small community so it is relatively easy to maintain friendships. There are kids he is friends with because they are all in the same village, not just because they went to the same primary. Obviously it takes more effort than if was with them on the school bus etc. What’s particularly good is that he also now has a completely new group of town friends from high school.

Bluevelvetsofa · 05/11/2023 12:36

You may state your preference for a school further away, but will you meet the admission criteria?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 05/11/2023 12:39

Depends on where you live and how many other DC will be going to the other school. We have a good local school but there is a regular bus to the High School in the next town. If not many make the trip, I'd just send them to the local one or move.

You also have to be prepared to give them lifts for possibly 7 years too.

Caravaggiouch · 05/11/2023 12:43

I live in a city and the “local school” issue just isn’t a thing. The kids in my street all go to different primary or first schools, never mind secondary schools. And friendship groups usually completely change in secondary anyway.

I can see how it’s different if you live somewhere with only 1 obvious school but honestly I think the whole local school thing gets massively overblown on here.

justanotherdaduser · 05/11/2023 15:08

Mobey78 · 05/11/2023 12:24

Those of you who chose to not send DC to the local secondary school how has it been for them socially?

The town we live in has one secondary school which is not good - poor reputation and poor academic results.

We're considering sending our DC to a school in a neighbouring town but I'm slightly concerned about what impact this may have socially.

Does anyone have any positive stories of not using the local option but their DC still being able to maintain local friendships ?

Not good (but you probably already know that?)

We are in London. DD's school is about an hour's travel (2 trains or a train + bus) away from where we live. All her close friends live close to the school.

As they are growing older (DD in Y8) there are more impromptu meet ups, after school, in the weekend, during holidays etc. DD often cannot join and it's obviously a disappointment.

Also, many after school activities are simply impractical, especially in the winter months.

She has local friends from her primary days but those friendships have weakened a bit and they meet much less frequently now they used to just over a year ago. Am fairly certain this situation will only worsen over next few years.

With hindsight, I would say go local unless your local option is really bad.

PupsAWeasel · 05/11/2023 16:43

How far is the school, is there a school or public bus your dc can take, will you be able to drive them if needed? Are any of your dc's friends also going to this school?

Go for the best possible school but there are disadvantages with not choosing a local school. Socialising is the obvious one.

Vermin · 05/11/2023 16:45

Have a listen to the Serial nice white parents podcasts on this

BrimfulOfMash · 05/11/2023 16:51

What’s the transport like?
if it’s not too far, there are regular easy bus routes etc, no problem.

The issue is not so much maintaining friendships with local friends but building and maintaining friends in the new school if they can’t easily socialise out of school.

Pixiedust49 · 05/11/2023 16:52

Not a good experience here. She’s now year 10 and the lifts are constant …..though public transport is poor here. Dreading the party pick ups which are inevitably about to start.

ZittiEBuoni · 05/11/2023 16:55

It was fine for us. School was 9 miles away with decent bus and train service, dd maintained friendships from local area and made new friends in the other town. She's just back from uni this weekend and has been for a night out in both towns.

ZittiEBuoni · 05/11/2023 16:55

Should add that she did extra curriculars e.g. musical theatre club in home town so had a good friendship group from that too.

Gumbo · 05/11/2023 17:06

Where we live in an almost identical setup to what you describe (tiny town) and this was also a big concern for us. Because of this we met with the head of the local school to try to understand whether it would be detrimental (academically) to send our DC there, and decided to risk doing so. I'm so glad we did, it means he can meet up with friends at the drop of a hat, walk everywhere (including to school) and not have any issues when the school closes early for some random reason(seems to happen more than I anticipated). They can also walk to and from local parties etc which he'd probably miss out on if it was in the next town.

The biggest advantage was that due to the town being small we already knew lots of his friends and their parents. The kids all go to the local gym too so often meet there in the evenings.

100% the right decision for us!

Original poster

Mobey78 · 05/11/2023 19:46

@PupsAWeasel the school is about 20 mins on a bus. There would likely be a few others from DD's year going there but no close friends

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Original poster

Mobey78 · 05/11/2023 19:47

@BrimfulOfMash the transport on a school day is fine but not regular on weekends for meeting up.

DH and I are fortunate that we can work flexibly so can be around to facilitate lifts although that isn't ideal

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Starlightstarbright2 · 05/11/2023 19:51

My Ds went to a local school - a friend of his moved to boarding school ..

I think because he did many sports activities and friendships he was quite missed and had something quite exciting to bring to the party if you know what I mean.

DelilahBucket · 05/11/2023 19:57

DS is at a school that isn't local to us but we are just within catchment. He's in year 11 and goes out most weekends with his mates. He usually goes to them or they meet up in the main town. He has a bus pass so can travel without limits and we often take him/pick him up from the next village on from us (which has a bus direct to where his mates live) or from their houses. They also come over to ours to stay. It hasn't hindered him at all. If anything it's done him the world of good as he found his people at the school, whereas I don't think he would have at the local school.

SwottyDaisy · 05/11/2023 20:39

We live semi-rurally and drive past the village secondary (poor) to a much better school 15 miles away.

We drive a lot, and the kids are good on busses. It is fine - they’ve had great friends and know kids in other secondaries through sports/clubs/etc.

It was the right decision for our family. The price is driving them around.

elliejjtiny · 05/11/2023 21:59

Our dc go to the closest schools but we are fairly rural so the older they get the further away school is and the more spread out their friends are. Dc1's friends are spread out across 3 counties which is a massive pain for socialising.

eurotravel · 06/11/2023 01:49

My DC went to local state big comp (It's decent). Made loads new mates and still mates with all existing ones.
Aren't really bothered about old mates who went other schools.
Their old (big) primary mates that went to schools elsewhere / private schools don't seem to have really made new mates. They still have parents organising parties and inviting what was the Yr6 friends groups.
I find it interesting and odd. My DS has defo moved on. He'll go to party as invited but his connection with those boys has gone. He's not hanging onto primary mates

eurotravel · 06/11/2023 01:55

BrimfulOfMash · 05/11/2023 16:51

What’s the transport like?
if it’s not too far, there are regular easy bus routes etc, no problem.

The issue is not so much maintaining friendships with local friends but building and maintaining friends in the new school if they can’t easily socialise out of school.

That's what I see. Yr7 at local huge comps (x2) with both my DC make new mates. They hang out locally after school. Everyday. They all walk / bus locally.
Old mates at private schools with big catchments still seem to be meeting up with yr6 class mates

SamPoodle123 · 06/11/2023 11:35

We managed to find others that live in the area also going to the non local school. Also, dd still sees her best friend from local primary every week via sports and play dates. She meets up with her new school friends too.

StressedMumOf2Girls · 06/11/2023 13:49

We didn't pick the local school. In fact, lots of people in DD's year went to schools in another Borough because the good schools in the Borough are oversubscribed or people aren't in the catchment for them but are for the other schools (I know, it's weird).

She's had no problem making friends. She has to use public transport to get to school and has made friends there that she's happy with. And she's in touch with her primary friends who still live locally through birthdays/guides/meeting up.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 06/11/2023 14:05

DD (Y10) is at a secondary that is 90 minutes and 2 trains commute to get to.

She's never gone to school locally, and also couldn't have gone to the secondary where all her primary friends went (we lived in London, moved rurally when DD was Y1, but kept her at primary in London and now secondary too).

It's worked out quite well for DD.

Her secondary is lottery entry with a vast catchment so no issues around everything being centred on the school at weekends.

School run a massive extra-curricular offer and so DD stays late 2-3 evenings a week. Being London there are loads of trains and transport options whereas if she'd gone to local school there would have been a single un-misseable bus.

DD has a season ticket so it doesn't cost anything other than time to pop in to London at weekends and see friends. She's not left out of anything.

She also pops back to see friends from primary still, and has friendship groups through other hobbies. In many ways it feels less intense having friends from all over and means when there are fallings out it isn't always then an issue in school.

Original poster

Mobey78 · 07/11/2023 21:28

Thanks for responses. Mixed experiences it's seems which is why it's so hard to know what is best.

I think having local friends is an important factor and if the local school was a bit worse than the one in the next town I would definitely go for the local one but it's quite a bit worse.

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