Teacher seems to be targeting dc, how to deal?

[LadyHag]

So, Y10 GCSE.

Dc in top set for english.

One teacher seems to be pointing them out in class.

They have made 2 calls to me, one about dc being distracted (dc said it is same pupil they have had issues with before and asked to be moved) and another regarding misintepreting questions on a test (teachers words not mine)

I felt these the phoe calls were productive, shared medical issues eacher was suprised by, spoke highly of them that they are a lovely student.

Dc comes home, teacher pulling thrm up in front of class loudly sharing they are having to make phone calls to their mum who is very disappointed in them (not true, never said this), how poor their work is, how they cant write the date in the right place, constsntly getting digs in, to the point that other pupils are telling dc how its really obvious the teacher has it in for them.

Dc is now really upset and wants to drop sets to have a different teacher.

Whats the best way to approach this as the conversations I have had are completely different to what dc says is happening (they genuinely love school otherwise but feel tje reacher is out to make an impresdion as being hard line and they are the target)?

I would request a call with the teacher - see what they say.

If it doesn’t resolve, talk to the year head - probably a meet up with the 4 of you.

But I think they’ll tone it down after a call - it’s probably six to one and half a dozen to the other

I would imagine that your dc is trying to manipulate you. The teacher has only one motivation for calling you - to see if you can help pull your dc onto line so they do better and stop disrupting others. You can be defensive and push back. This suits your dc who just wants to piss around or you could tell your dc that you are disappointed and they need to behave. The teacher will therefore not need to notice or pick out your dc in any way whatsoever other than to teach them.

Is it the norm to telephone parents at home to complain that their child misinterpreted a test question? That sounds very odd to me. Surely that’s something easily dealt with between teacher and student?

As for the humiliation and lies in front of the class (especially after what you felt was a productive and positive conversation) that’s completely bizarre behaviour and I’d want to talk to the head of year at the very least.

Ask for a meeting with the teacher, head of year AND your child present (if you think your child can cope with this). On Mumsnet it is very difficult to get support for this kind of thing because children are all manipulative liars apparently, but in my personal and professional experience some teachers are manipulative liars and bullies and often have a mark. Nip it in the bud by asking for an opportunity where neither can put words in your mouth.

Worth remembering that secondary school teachers teach something like 300 + students a week. If they decided to call home for your child then in reality they were likely to be the rudest/ challenging child they’d seen all day.

I'd have a talk with the teacher first, see what their version is, what is happening in class, how your son's behaviour is- no point in telling you he's lovely if he's really disruptive etc. I would also mention the claim that you are really disappointed in him and ask where is that coming from. Then I would take it from there depending on what the teacher says/how they react.

And if that was the case why would they be singing the child's praises on the call and minimising the behaviour instead of telling the truth and asking for parental support for their poor behaviour?

It is really not worth the hassle of contacting parents in most cases. They are either
Ineffectual
Aggressive
Defensive

It is incredibly rare to have a parent say thank you for letting me know he is not behaving properly. I will speak to him. Please let me know how things are going in a week or so.

When this actually happens it makes a huge difference. It is very rare though and usually you get the response that the teacher is picking on the child or is incompetent or whatever. This means that it is not really worth it which is a shame as the child usually does not improve. They think however that as their parent supports their behaviour that they can go further. Often six months down the line the parent is at school requesting help as their child is now rude and impossible to manage at home or has had a terrible result in a mock and won't study etc etc.

I would talk to a head of pastoral care or a deputy headmaster. The teacher's temarks were utmost inappropriate

I'm sure if you were called, your DC isn't responding appropriately to the usual cues the teacher will give pupils. The teacher might well have agreed DC is lovely, but there is a duty to tell you if not meeting expectations and this is their own detriment!

It doesn't matter one bit if pupils think the attention is predominantly on one child; if it is, if needs not to be, through some acceptance of the need to change on behalf of the child and parents.

If a top set English pupil isn't bothering to follow simple instructions about dating work in year 10, it'll be harder to revise for the terminal exams at the end of next year. The teacher isn't asking this for the good of her own health, but because good presentation and organisation will support learning and retrieval and help DC find the important knowledge.

As much as you'd like to believe she had it in for DC, she just wants the whole of her top set class to meet their potential and DC's behaviour needs to be dealt with so as not to mitigate her effort and expertise.

I’d not immediately trust what your kid said

I sometimes do these kinds of calls then wish I hadn’t bothered.

Parent once replied to me that perhaps it was my fault that their child was under performing. 🤔

The email was obviously sent when they were drunk.

not unusual

We always get so many teachers on these threads saying assume the kid is lying.

Some teachers are wonderful, others unfortunately are bullying sadists. Some are worse: I can think of two teachers (who taught at schools my family attended) who are now in prison for raping pupils. In addition, I know of two local primary teachers who have been quietly fired for sexually assaulting pupils in the last few years. So let’s drop the assumption that teachers don’t attack pupils or lie about them. And please, for the sake of all the children who do get assaulted or bullied by teachers, let’s stop assuming that all children are liars.

OP - you know your child best. If you’ve got a rebel who’s lied to you before, proceed with caution. As you’ve got a top set child who loved school until this new teacher arrived and your child is now distressed and asking to go down a set, I would insist on a meeting with the head and the teacher and make it very clear to both head and teacher that there is a serious problem now that didn’t exist until this new teacher started. I would not allow my child to be at that meeting as their teacher will intimidate them. Don’t make accusations, simply present facts and ask questions. Fact: you are concerned. Fact: your child loved school until this teacher arrived. Fact: the school had no behaviour concern about your child until this teacher arrived. Fact: your child says that they feel bullied by this teacher. Fact: your child says they have been publicly humiliated and lied to by this teacher. Fact: the child now wishes to move sets. Fact: what the teacher said to you on the phone does not match what your child is telling you. Question: how is the school going to return to a situation where your child is learning well and feels safe in class?

When the teacher realises that you’re going to call meetings with their boss if they bully your child, they’ll move on and find a new victim or perhaps even find a better way to establish authority.

Bullies try to isolate their victims. Expect the teacher to lie to you and try to make you doubt your child.

Love how you know all the 'facts' about a child from a short description on the internet.
Yes I think your advice is spot on. Absolutely do this. It is guaranteed to get you what you want. It can't possibly be a 15 year old misbehaving and trying to impress his friends.

In times like these I think the only approach is to go in with an open mind.

Talk to the teacher, say that you thought you had had a veyr positive conversation with her, but now ds is giving you very different feedback. You are confused and wonder what is going on. See what she says.
then you can decide if you quote your ds or not, and challenge the 'disappointed' and the pulling him up in front of the class.

You can also tell your ds you are going to phone and is there anything more he needs to tell you about this class and teacher.

If the phone call does not get to the bottom of it, then is the time to ask to speak to the head of year etc

So, update.

The teacher, after another incident holding up dc work and declaring "Mini hag clearly hates me so lets have a look at some of their work..." and handed out photocopied work from dc to the class, amongst issues brought up by other pupils / parents, was placed on long term leave shortly after.

They are making a phased return after a few months of but only to support existing teachers.

Dh had a face to face meeting prior to.this event and when having what he described a "a joke of a meeting" where the teacher was describing dc as an angel, prompting dh to ask why there were concerns and could impartial pupils provide their opinion to SLT re dc feeling targeted she said dh was making threats towards her and dh at that point said thanks for the meeting, we'll leave.

So, no clear outcome but it seems some time off was needed, reason unclear, but while off... no further calls / contact and dc much happier.

I would imagine the teacher has gone on sick leave due to the stress of dealing with certain parents. Your suggestion she has been placed on leave by the school is somewhat ridiculous.

Hmm.
.placed on leave was my phrasing to say off school, as it was unclear, and none of my business, if it was sick, sabbatical, or other.

LOVE your implication of the certain parents (me) forcing the teacher to go on sick.

Are you a jaded school staff member cansu who needs to dig at someone because you are unhappy in your job?

Lets be clear, when your child is in tears over targeted aggression which is denied and discussions they invite are met with bizarre accusations of threats, methinks the issue isnt the parent. I know the shit school ataff deal with, day in, day out, the relentless pressure, the paperwork, the marking, the reqired highlighter colours, the moderation where other schools bring out books that are n no way a reliable ad accurate representation of their pupil's work, the SIPs that can be a help or a hinderance, the undefinded SENproision versus a growing need, the saturated childrens services that push concerns back to school because they are overwhelmed so the bar is dropped so low gor acceptable parenting snd living conditions schools have to feed, clothe, transport, nuture pupils, the behaviour out of control, the safeguarding concerns that get batted back down to school to deal with, thr lunch covers staff get lumbered with, the loss of PPA, the unwriiten expectation to pick up clubs after school, work over, pacify parents, get teams updated with every lesson, answer emails from parents snd carers, respond to.incudents....

Yep, I think i have a good enough idea to know the environment school staff are in

But you know what? Shouting at my dc because of the above? No. My dc doesnt create the above, and they dont cop for the flack.

I always thank and apologise if there is a reason but tbh rarely ther was as my son is not violent or aggresive. But in most cases it is about a nonsense. E.g. my son in primary called once his peer Chicken in revenge for the other one twisting his name.

In my opinion this is something that school
should handle especially that it was one off. Bothering parents with such nonsense doesn't speak well about school. Yes, notifying me about that was ineffectual. When they suppose to do stupid things like that if not at the age of 7?
In receptuon my son organised competition which boy wees the furthest. 6 boys were involved. The school called me and I apologised but also I laughed. I could not control myself. Obviously I explained to him that it is inappropriate

Sharing your child's work with the class to critique it, is not professional, particularly if permission wasn't sought. This teacher sounds as if she has had a breakdown if she has returned to support existing class teachers and not teach her own classes. She is likely to have been signed off on health grounds. I don't think you have anything to gain if she won't engage in a restorative conversation. Best leave matters.