Page 2 | Secondary School Stalemate -help!

shoogal · 2023-10-24T09:49:08+00:00

Secondary school applications are due end of the month and we are stuck between 2 for my son…. School A Our catchment school Small, rural Felt welcoming at open evening Some current classmates going and most dc in our village free bus- 20 mins School B Larger, rural Shinier eg better facilities, better kept Lots of extracurricular at breaks/after school More trips according to Facebook Bus 20 mins at a cost of £1000 a year, leaves 20 mins later so more time in bed! Both schools are similar on results. Husband wants school A as it’s catchment, he went there, thinks it would suit son more and free bus. I’m on the fence. We’ve had terrible time with older sibling who due to asd etc has school refused for years. I just want my son to be happy and go to school. My son wants school B as most of his friends are going there and it looks better (!) What to do? Pay £1000 for the bus because friends are going? Even though these friendships might not last (his best friends aren’t going to either school). Help!

clary · 24/10/2023 13:47

sorry for typos!

Neveragainamidoingthat · 24/10/2023 13:55

I feel like I’ve said this a million times over the last few days, so apologies to anyone who has read a version of this more than once.

However, in my experience, having DC who are tired and exhausted because of travelling to a “better” school can be counter productive. I sent DC1 and DC2 to the better school, albeit because that school had/has better results, but this doesn’t factor in for you. I wish I had chosen the closer secondary school and put the £400 a term per child we spent on bus fees into tuition at GCSE level. (Imagine a tuition fund of £6k per child - we wasted that on transport, I look back and think - why?!)
I thought it would be worth it. In reality we spent a lot of money on transport, DC1 and DC2 were travelling for 2 hours a day, they were exhausted and didn’t do as well as they could have done. I think they did worse than if they had gone to the less well performing local school 30 minutes walk away. They would have been better more local, to be able to do after school activities, to have local friends and for us to put the money into tuition if they needed it.

In contrast DS3 (big age gap - happy little accident) has gone to local school, it’s still performing worse than the one the other 2 went to but DC3 is happier, not exhausted and doing better. And yes, we are saving the £400 a term we would have spent on transport in case it is needed at GCSE level. In your case, the money you save could be spent on out of school activities, holidays or whatever else you want to spend it on to make up that “gap” from the other school.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/10/2023 13:57

What reputation does the school bus have? Ours was rife with bullying.

HappiDaze · 24/10/2023 14:07

If your DS wants to go to School B then you put school B

HappiDaze · 24/10/2023 14:09

I went to school by bus and we had loads of fun on it with all age groups and DC you'd never have met in class

biarritz · 24/10/2023 14:28

I’d go for school B for the extra curricular and trips. Also as it is bigger I’m thinking it might have a better sixth form which will attract good teachers. I would look at the subject options before making a decision. Eg languages and music and were important to me when we were choosing between schools and one school was stronger in both than the other.

tiglit · 24/10/2023 14:33

I wouldn't choose a school blindly for "more extra curriculars" what are you after exactly? My kids do most of theirs outside/separate of school. It's also something that can change easily.

Original poster

shoogal · 24/10/2023 14:55

Husband is very much for A, son B and I’m in the middle. After school isn’t a problem. Can pick up from both in 20 mins

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Original poster

shoogal · 24/10/2023 14:58

FallingAutumnLeaf · 24/10/2023 12:02

School B, because you and DH can't make up your minds, and DS has expressed a preference.

Unless- there is no way back after any extra curriculum stuff - so the paid bus lear at, say, 3.30. What happens if he stays til 4.30?

Husband very much for A, son for B, I’m in the middle.
After school late pick ups not a problem for either school.

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:01

stonedaisy · 24/10/2023 12:02

Wow you're super lucky to have two schools you would be happy with. This end my friends are panicking like mad as they're unlikely to get the school they want and the other options are not good..

Yes we are lucky to have 2 schools nearby that I would be happy to send to. They aren’t high flying by any stretch but good schools nonetheless. It’s all so stressful!

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:04

tiglit · 24/10/2023 12:07

The thing I would be mindful of with school buses is that the prices change, our school's prices have gone up dramatically the last few years. Also, routes can change, if it's not a catchment school there is no guarantee the route will remain.

If it were me, with the school bus price and the fact school A is the catchment school, I would stick with catchment. We need to go back to the days where you go to your local school IMO. If school B outperformed school A or had something really head and shoulders above the rest then of course I would do school B, but where it's so tied I'd stick to catchment.

Whilst we listened to DS's opinion, he's 11/12, you make the decision. School friendships dramatically change in high school, it's not a good reason to base a school on.

Yes good point about bus prices and routes changing. Yes there is something about staying local unless local awful. I know someone currently thinking of a primary school 12 miles away… she would pass many good schools on the way! Yes 10 is young to make such a big decision. Did you go with your decision in the end and did it work out?

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:09

MrsAvocet · 24/10/2023 13:38

Is the bus to B a dedicated school bus and are there alternatives like a regular bus service? Bear in mind that the extra curricular activities are likely to be after school so the dedicated bus will have gone. If there's no regular bus service home then you'll either have to collect or you may be able to arrange car sharing if there are other parents in your village in the same position. Same may apply to school A of course but if the majority of local children go there then it's more likely that you'll be able to lift share. Having lots of extracurricular activities is only good if you can actually access them.
We had a similar situation though our school B is about 30 mins away, but it's also head and shoulders above our school A academically so it made the decision easier. For us there is no question that the inconvenience and additional cost have been worth it as the advantages of our B very clearly outweigh the disadvantages. But there are disadvantages - after school pick ups, collecting if they're ill, friends living long distances away etc - and if we had had another good school nearby I would probably have opted for the closer one. You get used to it and there are work arounds but there are times when I wish we had a school nearer home.

Yes bus B is dedicated and there is no alternative. If one had better results it would be an easy decision. Both schools are 10 miles away, both would have friends living a good drive away potentially

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:14

clary · 24/10/2023 13:46

I see you have said how small and big - I don;t think that's much of a difference then. Personally I wouldn't be keen on a school of less than about 900 pupils as much less IME offers fewer options for GCSE and sports teams and the like. But 175 in a year is OK.

What is the GCSE offer like at the smaller school?

Does either school have a sixth form? this may colour your view.

You know that if you plump for B, you can put A next on your form and you have just as much chance of being allocated it (ie pretty certain) as if you had put it first?

Hmmmm overall I would ahgree with the PP who says it doesn;t matter that much. If there is not much advantage to the £1k school bus one, I might put the other one and save that money . And as another PP said, bus rtoutes might change etc wheras I imagine the bus to the catchment school will continue to be offered. Woudl DS be able to walk to the bus for school B? You mentuon that some ppl drive to it?

I believe GCSEs offerings are similar
Both have sixth forms, , B more choice
Its a lot of money to save
Both buses literally end of our road, A 20 mins earlier. 2 people drive to bus stop as they aren’t in catchment for B. There are a few people o know who’ve chosen B over A despite not being in catchment as they believe a better school but results are similar. I guess B is more impressive.

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Original poster

shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:18

Neveragainamidoingthat · 24/10/2023 13:55

I feel like I’ve said this a million times over the last few days, so apologies to anyone who has read a version of this more than once.

However, in my experience, having DC who are tired and exhausted because of travelling to a “better” school can be counter productive. I sent DC1 and DC2 to the better school, albeit because that school had/has better results, but this doesn’t factor in for you. I wish I had chosen the closer secondary school and put the £400 a term per child we spent on bus fees into tuition at GCSE level. (Imagine a tuition fund of £6k per child - we wasted that on transport, I look back and think - why?!)
I thought it would be worth it. In reality we spent a lot of money on transport, DC1 and DC2 were travelling for 2 hours a day, they were exhausted and didn’t do as well as they could have done. I think they did worse than if they had gone to the less well performing local school 30 minutes walk away. They would have been better more local, to be able to do after school activities, to have local friends and for us to put the money into tuition if they needed it.

In contrast DS3 (big age gap - happy little accident) has gone to local school, it’s still performing worse than the one the other 2 went to but DC3 is happier, not exhausted and doing better. And yes, we are saving the £400 a term we would have spent on transport in case it is needed at GCSE level. In your case, the money you save could be spent on out of school activities, holidays or whatever else you want to spend it on to make up that “gap” from the other school.

Yes I agree about time, money and energy spent travelling. That’s why we didn’t try for the grammar school as transport was an issue. Yes £6000 is a lot of money that could be spent wisely on other things. Isn’t hindsight wonderful. If only I had a crystal ball lol

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:19

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/10/2023 13:57

What reputation does the school bus have? Ours was rife with bullying.

I’ve not heard anything about either bus. My son would definitely know more people on bus A as lots from the village. But his B has a friend from village who would be in his year.

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shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:22

HappiDaze · 24/10/2023 14:07

If your DS wants to go to School B then you put school B

Even if it costs us £6000 in bus fees? The friends he wants to go with aren’t best friends as such. 2 of his good friends are going to totally different schools. But yes his opinion does count as he needs to be happy.

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Catwoman1985 · 24/10/2023 15:24

TBH both sound good options but I'd try for B if he wants it. Just make sure if the bus to B isn't available for any reason e.g. he gets detention, goes to a club etc there is a way of getting home. If not, A.

PuttingDownRoots · 24/10/2023 15:35

My DD is only in Yr8 and the extra curricular is changing constantly. It all depends on teacher goodwill.

What would that £1000 be spent on otherwise?

Original poster

shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:42

PuttingDownRoots · 24/10/2023 15:35

My DD is only in Yr8 and the extra curricular is changing constantly. It all depends on teacher goodwill.

What would that £1000 be spent on otherwise?

Tuition if need later for gcses
future savings for uni, a car etc
if we were disciplined, otherwise frittered away no doubt

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Pipsquiggle · 24/10/2023 15:49

We had a similar issue with 2 good schools last year - my DS said he didn't mind which one he went to. 1 school he had to take the train the other school he would take the bus - both would have to be paid for,

In the end we went with logistics - as in ease not costs.
We went with the 'train' school as when he is a bit older and hanging out with friends, he can get himself to and from where most of his mates live. The other school, I would've had to be his taxi driver as the bus doesn't run at other times.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 24/10/2023 19:23

shoogal · 24/10/2023 15:22

Even if it costs us £6000 in bus fees? The friends he wants to go with aren’t best friends as such. 2 of his good friends are going to totally different schools. But yes his opinion does count as he needs to be happy.

Show quote history

For some people, that's not a lot of money over 7 years, but if for you it would make a big different to family life e.g. having holidays or not, or the difference between comfortably affording your bills and scraping by, then I think that needs to be a serious consideration.

It's also worth bearing in mind bus prices can go up year on year- the cost for our students who don't get free transport has gone from about £500 to £700 this year, and could go up again next year. We can't do anything about this, it's down to the bus company and the council.

Also, if it's a public bus, is there any chance it would stop running?

If the £1000 is going to have a significant impact on the family budget, then I don't think it's reasonable to spend that on going to school B, unless it was clearly going to offer your son something amazing he won't get at school A.

Do you think he'd be unhappy at school A?

Original poster

shoogal · 24/10/2023 19:36

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 24/10/2023 19:23

For some people, that's not a lot of money over 7 years, but if for you it would make a big different to family life e.g. having holidays or not, or the difference between comfortably affording your bills and scraping by, then I think that needs to be a serious consideration.

It's also worth bearing in mind bus prices can go up year on year- the cost for our students who don't get free transport has gone from about £500 to £700 this year, and could go up again next year. We can't do anything about this, it's down to the bus company and the council.

Also, if it's a public bus, is there any chance it would stop running?

If the £1000 is going to have a significant impact on the family budget, then I don't think it's reasonable to spend that on going to school B, unless it was clearly going to offer your son something amazing he won't get at school A.

Do you think he'd be unhappy at school A?

Show quote history

No it’s not mega money over the 7 years and totally doable but feels a bit daft paying when we don’t need to. Thought could be money well spent if he’s happy at B.
Bus B has gone up a little each year so yes I guess it will continue to do so. It’s a private school bus so should continue.
Happy at A? That’s the big question… I think he would like it but he seems fixed on B.

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SayNoToDoorToDoor · 24/10/2023 19:44

School B because the schools are very similar but your son wants to go to school B. He’s the one who’s going to be there for 5-7 years so go with his choice (and start saving for the trips).