Ds about to leave college after only 2 months

[Stressey]

Ds is 16 and just stated A-levels at local college. He left his grammar school as his grades were not quite high enough. This has spiralled into a really difficult situation where he is not attending lessons and not telling me where he is. He is smoking weed too. I’m so worried about him but he refuses to talk. I have been asked to attend a meeting at college on Friday. He said he won’t go. If he leaves college I’m not sure what he will do and worry that he will become more involved in the wrong crowd etc. I have suggested looking at other courses etc but he refuses to talk. Any suggestions on what I can do.

Going for a long drive or walk may help to get him talking - no distractions, no eye contact. You need to get to the bottom of what's wrong - but he probably hasn't even worked that out himself yet, which doesn't help.

Or converse by text/whatsapp.

Where does he get the money for weed? Can that funding be stopped?

Given his background, is he finding A levels too tough? Could he switch to a BTEC - what's his career focus? For example, if he loves computing maybe an IT BTEC.

My son (mainly C grade GCSEs) did a BTEC and two mates moved over to his course after year one when they struggled with A levels (They had B grade GCSEs).

I did similar - went to college at 16, had too much freedom and missed too many classes. I felt I couldn't catch up so dropped out during October half term. My mum handled it by saying 'sure thing, your decision, but if you're not in full time education you're paying rent'. I had a bill on the side in the kitchen and she would add my weekly rent to it, plus any money she loaned me. By Christmas I was desperate for a job as I owed so much, but it gave me the kick I needed. I went to an agency first day back after new year and said I would take anything - I had an interview that week and started work the next Monday. I went on to do accountancy qualifications through work from 18 years old - A levels are fantastic but not essential to be successful if he does leave.

Legally, he has to do something- he can't leave education and training. If he really wants to leave college, he needs to come up with another sensible suggestion. He can't just go out and get a job, like people could in the past.

It does sound like he is really struggling. Would he engage with support from a youth worker, or similar?

If he really won't meet with the college, I'd suggest still going alone. They may be able to refer him on for some appropriate support.

My son struggled with A Levels despite getting 8's and 9's in his GCSE's. He just hated the learning structure and just didn't want to be there/ saw no point in the subjects he was studying.

Managed to get him on to a level 2 electrical insulation course and he loves it. Planning on starting a 4 yr apprenticeship once he is done and the feedback we are getting is wonderful.

We were at our wits end for the whole year he did a levels. Now he has a little p/t job and does 3 days a week at college.

Good luck with your son op x

If he just leaves and finds a job there is nothing anyone will do about it. I know people say legally they have to stay in education till they’re 18 but no one is actually going to enforce that.

I know a few teens who didn’t get on with college so left and they seem happier working, earning their own money.

Would he get a job do you think? Or move to a different college course and learn a skill?

Going from a Grammar to a college environment is very different. I know some thrive and love it but I also know a lot who really do struggle from going from a place where you were told when and where you have to be to not even having to be on site because no one is checking for you.

Does he like his subjects? Is the issue that he doesn't want to do A-Levels and would find Btec better for him? Oh and as for the weed, if he's using money from you to pay for it, cut him off.

Apprenticeship?
My dd went to grammar but absolutely hated it, to be fair, she'd have hated any school.
She is loving her apprenticeship!