Mixed or single sex for a girl?

[VoiceofRaisins56]

My DD could get in to a good comp on a sibling place (DS is already there, and likes it). Or a good girls school on a distance place. I cannot decide what to put first on the form. Both Ofsted outstanding. She’d like to be with her brother. I went to a girls’ school and I did well academically. I have difficulty getting my head round the idea of dealing with boys while you’re trying to learn maths. But is my own prejudice colouring my view? Is it better to keep them together if that’s what they want?

I experienced both as a teen and ime the girls in the single sex school were boy mad, for not babies boys as someone you could be friends with and were far worse behaved than the mixed school. I was so shocked! They couldn't believe I had make friends!

I chose mixed for my DD. We were both heavily involved in the choice. However based on what I know about her personality, mannerism and outlook on education - I felt comfortable allowing her to go to a mixed school.

I think there is nothing wrong with girls school - I know many parents choose single sex schools based on their children's personalities as well as academic performance.

DD chose to go single sex as did DS and looking back (in their 20s) neither regret it. It was the right choice for them.

They kept in touch with friends who went coed and the levels of bitchiness and humiliation sounded similar.

If your DD wants to go to school with her brother I'd let her. If both are good there is no reason to not.

It really depends on your DD and what school she likes most.

Do people really allow their 10yo child to decide where to go for secondary school?!

I don't think single sex schools affect a person's relationship with opposite sex as long as they have an active social life, clubs etc where they can mix. Both mine went SS and both as young adults get along fine with the opposite sex.

Our eldest daughter is in an all girls school (local availability) and it suits her down to the ground. She has recently been diagnosed with ASD and the school have been amazing so that may have coloured my view a bit. However - she has no interest in friendships and couldn't give a hoot what people think of her so we haven't had any of that sort of drama. I don't know if it will be as good a fit for my youngest when it is her time to go - she would prefer a mixed school, so we will look at the co-ed schools near my work.

So yes - depends on the child and it depends on the school. If you think that the school that your son currently attends cannot control the teen boys that are there, and that he and his friends are disrupting their female peers education maybe you should consider placing him in an all boys school.

@FoFanta whoa Nellie, did you mean to be so rude? No I don’t think my DS and his friends (who represent maybe 0.03% of the school pupil body) are disrupting the girls’ education. Lawks.

What a vile thing to say. My dd enjoys being in a girls school...it's actually a very supportive environment and she has good friends. It suits her better. She noticed a difference straight away compared with her mixed primary. She said it is far easier to concentrate in class without boys disruptive behaviour.

Girls are fucking horrible without boys to impress

This is what you said. It's horribly misogynistic. There are many ways of explaining your experience without resorting to this sort of description.

You can try and turn it around and think you're very clever but I merely told you what my DD said to me...I didn't say boys are fucking horrible and disruptive.

I don’t buy this argument at all. For a start, she has a brother so has plenty of experience “dealing with boys”. Boys don’t become a mystery other species just because you’re at a girls school.

All of the evidence suggests that girls do better at all girls schools. They are also more likely to choose STEM subjects because they’re not considered “boy” subjects and participate in PE and sports without the fear of looking unattractive in front of the boys.

Our co-Ed schools are rife with misogyny and sexual assault. Putting your daughter in that situation doesn’t make her more able to deal with misogyny and sexual assault in later life. Would you willingly expose your ethnic minority child to racism in order to prepare them for the inevitable racism in later life, or would you chose to protect them from it in their childhood?

You didn't say I found the girls in my school to be fucking horrible.

You said girls are fucking horrible.

Big difference.

I detest the stereotype that all girls are bitchy.

And please don't think your experience decades ago of being in a mixed school will be the same nowadays.

Pornography is now a huge issue. Teenage boys are now exposed to absolutely vile, misogynistic, violent pornography which is doing untold damage to their brains. It's quite terrifying and I'll happily keep my DD away from that.

There you go. That's describing your experience rather than lumping all girls as fucking horrible.

I went to an all-girls school and this wasn't my experience all. Yes, there were some disruptions and fall-outs (I'd worry if that were never happening, when you have groups of teenagers, whichever sex.)

But overall, it was a supportive environment. There were probably some girls who didn't enjoy it - when there are 100s of people together, it would be odd if everyone all had the same experience. But there are also quite a few of us who look back on those times fondly (going by FB,) and I'm still good friends with people I met there (we're now in our 50s.)

I think this means the school itself is what's important - someone (parent or child) might prefer single sex or mixed, but I'd have thought a good school that suits the child (and what suits one child may not suit the next,) would be better than sticking blindly to a principle. Not that that helps when, as in the OP's case, both possible choices are good.

Mind you, if you grew up where I did - smallish town with a large rural catchment area - there wasn't really a choice. There was (and is) only one secondary, so the other options are to go private or have to drive some miles away to another town. School buses from the villages only went to the one secondary in their catchment area.

@VoiceofRaisins56 you can look at the progress 8 score for just the girls at the mixed secondary if that's of interest. Often in a mixed school the girls results are better than the boys when you look at them split out.

www.compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk/find-a-school-in-england

If you find the school and then look at the most recent data, there should be an option to look at the "results by pupil characteristics", which will show you the results split by sex.

Apologies if you have already done this!

It all depends on your dd and the schools in question and whatever is important for your dd and you. Her having a brother would mitigate the “not being used to boys” factor.
How good is the co-ed school when it comes to misogyny? Do girls choose the sciences for GCSE? Are they touched in the corridors? Can they play football or do they all have to do dance?
How is the culture at the girls’ school? Is it all drama and bitchiness? Science uptake at GCSE?
Asking for opinions on your local Facebook page might be an idea.

As stated in meeting boys in the work, class, study situation and environment; did not imply social situations. This goes for boys in single sex schools meeting females in in work, class, study situation at university.
Racism, all parents will/should cover it as it is on the news and kids do hear and ask questions as well as issues such as social inequalities etc. This really start from primary school years.
@EBearhug , agree, depends on the DC character and which school single or coed is more suitable; and also if DC wants to be with older brother.

No, I didn't mean to be rude, and I am sorry it came across that way. The point I was trying to make was that your son is at the school already, so you should have some reassurance that the school manage the safety and well-being and education of all the children attending - regardless if they are a boy or a girl. You mentioned in an earlier post that you were worried about "pinging bra straps". So either you have confidence in the culture of the school with regards to the equitable education and safety of all children, or you don't.

If she wants to go to that school, and you think mixed education is a good idea for the girls in your son's class, why isn't it a good idea for your daughter?

None of this is easy, and we make loads of choices that we don't (can't) know whether it was the right one until years later. So my apologies for my clumsy tone. I hope your daughter, and your son, thrive whatever decision you all come to.