Bexley, Beths, Chis & Sid - WWYD?

[ConflictedCheetah]

Does anyone have any thoughts/experience on these schools for boys? Or any light to shed on how to support DS' choice?

DS passed the 11+ and we're securely in the distance for Beths and Chis and Sid, and a bit tighter on Bexley (although probably fine). We now need to decide priority.

We've done the open days and I think, heart of hearts, DS probably prefers Beths, then Chis and Sid and then Bexley. However, he's absolutely desperate to go to the same school as his best friend.

For context, DS tends to gravitate towards close friendships with one or two people rather than big groups, although he makes friends easily and has a broad friendship group at school. He's just the kind of kid to very much have a 'best' friend. He also moved primary school in Y4 as we moved house, so he's had the experience of having to start all over alone and I don't think he's that keen to repeat it as it was hard.

His friend, seems to be gravitating towards Bexley though. Probably any of the three schools would be fine. DS is football mad, sporty in general and good academically BUT I don't think languages are particularly his strong point or passion (he's done a bit of primary French). I worry that Bexley's specialty as a language school, and insistence on 2 MFL for GCSE might be hard.

He'll be heartbroken to end up somewhere different to his BF. It was a major driver in his hard work to pass the 11+ as he knew his friend would .

Don't know what steer to give him at all… HELP!

Following and bumping as in the same boat!

Chis and Sid is great for sporty kids

It's a real rollercoaster isn't it? Hoping to sit down this weekend with him and really get into what's important to him. It's so hard for them though as they really don't know what to expect.

Thanks @Lampzade for that info. I do think that's a big draw for him.

I've heard what @Lampzade said from a few different people and DS is not sporty at all. I think for us it's whether you would be invisible because of that at Chis n Sid. We are a short walk away so it would be very convenient.

At the open days they all say the right things. Chis n Sid seems on the surface to have had a lot of investment in buildings and facilities whereas BGS seems to be quite tired looking but that's just the outside. I think Chis n Sid do a better sell but BGS must be the most popular for many years for a reason. Parents of BGS kids say it's the pastoral care and support. Unfortunately haven't come across anyone with a son at Beth's so don't hear anything about Beth's at all. Still not sure about the boys vs mixed.

The two girls who showed us around Chis and Sid talked about the pastoral support (unprompted) a few times and mentioned how good the support was. We also met a history teacher who does mindfulness lessons etc with pupils. Sounded quite positive. They were sporty girls though so definitely talked up the sporting life.

I have a son who has just started at Beths. He had his pick of great grammars (and comprehensives, as we live near some excellent comps) and he also passed Kent. We looked around 13 schools but the moment he saw Beths he lit up and from there none of the other schools matched up. He was consistent throughout that it was where he wanted to be. Mostly we just supported that- we had one moment where I tried to to a pros and cons list just to double check, and Chis and Sid had one more 'pro'. He visibly started to get upset and panic, saying we needed to find another 'pro' for Beths. After that we never questioned him again - that was all we needed to know! The way I saw it was - these are all amazing schools - there is barely anything between them in reality, and I seriously question how the newspapers come up with the league tables and what they prioritise (e.g., another local school of ours having a nationally reported scandal with mental health but remaining in one of the top spots!). So if your child is showing a natural attachment to somewhere, and they feel they belong there, my view is that is more important than anything else. So far Beths has exceeded all expectation for us. He's just seamlessly joined as if he's been there forever and he's visibly happy and excited to go in every day. The work is hard and a big step up, but the environment has meant that hasn't been distressing - in fact he seems more motivated than he's ever been. He's SEN and the pastoral care and support has also been amazing. Also, the huge pro for me (which also made it easy for me to support him) is that when they get to GSCE at Beths, the school is really flexible about their choices. Where as some schools force them to do a lot of subjects, they can pretty much do what they want (excepting of course the usual maths, english, science etc.). It's a way down the line, but I think that is going to pay off as it means they can follow their passions and really be themselves, so I'm excited for that stage too. Well worth digging the Y9 options off the websites and taking a look, especially if your child has subjects they love, as the last thing you want is them to have to drop the things they love so early because of an overbearing policy on GCSE subjects. So in summary... half a term in and we absolutely love Beths and would highly recommend!

Thanks @JustMeJustMe that's really helpful and lovely to hear. Great your DS is happy. I think your experience matches ours - DS just felt like he fit there. His only wobble really is his best friend suddenly wanting to go somewhere else but with a few days too think about it he's gone back to talking about Beths.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Hello - at the risk of sounding like I'm being paid to promote Beths (I'm honestly not!) - just wanted to share what I wrote on another thread...

I have two boys at Beths. It is a lovely school. My older son is in y12 now. He is v sporty - football obsessed. Beths is a big football school, much more so than rugby. They have boys at the school who play for academies and England schoolboys. Also v strong on cricket and basketball.

My other son is musical (they have a great music and drama department- they value creative subjects) and also has SEN and anxiety. He has had wonderful pastoral care and support.

I am happy with Beths. My older son has sailed through school and wouldn't consider going anywhere else for sixth form. My younger son has had a much trickier journey but has good support. I feel they really care about the kids.

It does sound like your experience is similar to ours - there seems to be a bit of a pull to the school for some boys. It's everso slightly quirky and a little bit different to a lot of the other grammars. I think it's got a more relaxed feel to it, it's quietly academic without pushing it in your face, and not afraid to show that it places value in things that aren't necessarily seen as 'traditionally' academic. My experience so far is it allows the boys to be themselves and to be authentic, it doesn't cookie cutter them, and that's kind of what I mean about the flexibility with the GCSE options in Y9 - they can genuinely follow their passions rather than be told to tread a well trodden path. The reading list they have been given for Y7/8 is amazing - loads of suggestions for books that prompt serious critical thinking about modern topics. It's forward leaning, so if you have a child that is academic but also a bit different and a bit of a critical thinker, I think they sense that vibe when they visit - that it's an inclusive place where they can be themselves. I think that's what happened with us anyway!!

Quirky is the right word I think. They seem to really celebrate the boys for their differences and they're very supportive of all extra curricular activities. It's ethnically diverse but also diverse in the kinds of kids who go there.

Like I say my younger son has really struggled with the transition to secondary and with finding his place but the care and time they have taken with him has astonished me. I had spoken to his head of year so many times on the phone before I met her, and when I did catch her to introduce myself, she gave me a hug! All the teachers are very approachable and responsive. Strict but quick to praise - I've had phone calls about good results in tests or if my son has had a good lesson. They have a counsellor at school the kids can book appointments with.

My older boy finds life generally much easier, and they have very different interests, so I was surprised to find a school that works for them both!

@groveparker0 thanks so much for sharing your experience too and to you both for the ongoing discussion. What your saying sounds like music to my ears and sounds like DS would really find his place there. Excited now!

Fingers crossed for you and your son, it's such a tough time figuring it all out - a year on I still feel a bit traumatised from all the exam prep, school visits, then waiting for the allocations! Nothing can ever be 100% assured, and things can change so quickly, but I honestly believe that if you listen to your child and follow their lead you have the best possible chance of a solid shot at happiness for them. Good luck with it all 😊

Thank you @JustMeJustMe and @groveparker0 it's great to hear some experiences about Beth's. In the last few days and yesterday DS was firmly Beth's and today he's not sure maybe BGS!

It's such a rollercoaster isn't it?

Yes I keep reminding myself that we are lucky to have the dilemma of choosing between three good local schools but it's still a worry. I will go with DS's choice in the end.

I cant advise on those particular schools (although I attended Chis &Side in the 90s... is the uniform still as vibrant?) But with friendships... there is no guarantee he will be in the same classes as his current friend even if they do go to the same school. However they can still be friends out of school. My DDs best friend moved away in Yr7 and still keep on contact online.

Are all three schools easily accessible?

Good luck with your choice.

That's true. No guarantee they will be together and he does live very local so they can still definitely hang out. All three are accessible on public transport. BGS is definitely easiest and nearest but the other two are still ok. Beth's is probably furthest from us and a 30-40 Mon bus journey (and 15 min walk from bus) which is definitely a factor, but he does love it.

I teach at another local school and what I don't like about BGS is that they're allowed phones at break and lunchtime. I found it really depressing when I visited and all the kids were very quiet on their phones instead of loudly enjoying real life interactions like at my school. (I don't know what chis and sid and Beth's phone rules are as I've never visited, so it might be a moot point if they all allow them!)

Beth's do allow phones but the vast majority of the boys are too busy playing sports at lunchtime and break - evidenced by my expertise in cleaning mud off school trousers and DS expertise in learning how to clean his shoes!

@JustMeJustMe I've just been doing the pros and cons list and DS was doing what yours did - panicking if any list looked better than Beths. Beths will be top for his list, with Chis and Sid and then Bexley. Reverse order for distance unfortunately but so be it!

Aw, bless him. Yes, that was exactly what happened - that was all I needed to know! He knew where he wanted to be! He went Beths, Tunbridge Wells, Chis and Sid, Judd, then two lovely local comprehensives as a safety net. We got Beths on the first round thankfully. Even six months later on allocation day he just kept saying 'did I get Beths?'. He hadn't forgotten! Fingers crossed for you.

Hi! I'm currently a Year 13 student at Chis, having joined the school for Year 7 in 2017. From my almost 7 years of first hand experience at the school, I must say it is intense. There is a lot of pressure placed on you from the moment you enter in Year 7, with SLT being very strict with everything from uniform to lates. This does teach you discipline very quickly. Year 8 onwards is a lot better, despite the same sanctions being in place. This is because you are used to the school (as it is obviously a big change from primary!). I found that I made friends very quickly, likely helped by going there with 6 primary school friends, and the year merge together very well. Compared to most schools, the behaviour of students at CSGS is a lot better, helped by the sanctions placed on students from the get-go. Overall this helps with learning, and the teachers are always there to support you. The only downside is that Chis and Sid I feel doesn't produce the same results as other grammars like Townley and Bexley, and academic performance is quite average when compared to these. The facilities are dated (but are being upgraded gradually). I definitely feel the school would benefit from a wider range of extracurricular activities being offered, as those other than the standard rugby and netball are usually arranged by students and fall apart quite quickly. I have enjoyed my time at Chis, but all the same there have been many occasions in which I feel my learning hasn't been supported as well as it could've, or situations have been managed incorrectly.