Help request: independent school recommendation for a clever, gentle girl

[WhatHo]

I am looking for any suggestions of a school that would suit my daughter who has been very buffeted by her year. She will do well in any school academically so I'm looking for one with a rep for a nice normal children.

DD is a lovely person, very normal and likeable, albeit gentle and law abiding, and is being ousted and excluded by her previous friendship group and is struggling to find her feet with another one. Her year has been described as 'the bitchy year' by the rest of the school so I think she's just got unlucky with her cohort. She was fine in Y7 and most of Y8 but has been struggling last term and it's got worse this term. It is a non selective girls school and gets a lot of risk-taking behaviour, and I am wondering if she would suit a more academic and focused school instead. However I think a really thrusting one may not be best either.

Can anyone think of a middle ground? Midlands/ South East preferably. Would prefer single sex but mixed would be considered.

Do you know anything about Bootham in York? Not the area you said but if you are looking for boarding could work. A Quaker school so a bit of a different ethos though I don’t know much about it. We lived near Haileybury at one point. I wondered about it for DD after some friendship issues but didn’t think it’d work after exploring it a bit.

Bloxham?

St Helen's in Abingdon

St Mary’s ascot and Woldingham are both good pastorally (funnily enough both traditionally RC, although Woldingham is now open to anyone, not sure about Ascot)

Woldingham is solid academically, but not a hothouse (and more humanities focused than science.. I think, but that might be out of date), Ascot is more academically high flying.

It also would be worth posting this on the boarding schools thread

Mixed schools more likely than single sex to have an intake at 13. Oundle?

Honestly moving school might not be the easy answer. Friendships might have established and so your dd will need to adjust into a new place.

does she have friends at her school? The crowd she doesn’t like might just be a source of fascination for her rather than a massive issue. Can she keep busy with clubs/extra curricular at school? Year 10 tends to be better anyway as they settle into GCSE groups and become more focused.

Yes I do agree with PP that this is often a rough stage at any school. So might be a case of frying pan to fire and with the added stress of being new.

Does she have any friends? I had one great friend through this stage even when the rest were being (IMO) awful. That was enough.

However - it sounds like you think a more academic and possibly boarding school might suit her better anyway - even leaving aside the cohort issues?

Might be too far for you, but Mayfield in East Sussex has a very kind Year 9 cohort. It’s a great school for art, particularly ceramics, and a good mix of abilities including plenty of very academic girls.

St George’s Ascot or Heathfield could be a good fit

My DD went to Bromsgrove as a day girl and loved it. They have boarders too. Lots of extra curricular and my quiet DD gained a lot of confidence and was encouraged to join lots of groups.

Nottingham Girls High School is also lovely. It also gets good results.

@underneaththeash - I know of one girl who flex-boards but discounted Headington because she'd have to full board (we are 1.5 away) and was told that only oversea students full boarded. I could do weekly but she’d def have to stay 4 nights. It’s not un-interesting.

@HelpaFriend85 it’s not too far. We actually looked at it and discounted it because she wanted to board, but I do know it’s not an easy school in integrate if you arrive later and you’re not in the immediate Warwick/Leamington area. Rather wish we’d sent her in Y7 now… hindsight and all that...

@Promwasgreat thank you I’ll check it out

@RedPanda2022 oooh I forgot about Bloxham - I hear it’s great pastorally. Are the academics ok? People can be quite rude about it.

@wp65 I think Helkats is oversubscribed and possibly doesn’t have boarding, I’ll look again though.

@theduchessofspork thank you. Think Ascot might terrify her but will check out Woldingham

@minipie Somebody said Oundle and Rugby were surprisingly good pastorally and aren’t too far from me but the price is terrifying. I am not set on moving her and I really take on board what people are saying about frying pan into the fire - but you’ve put your finger on it, this plus the lack of interest in academic achievement within the cohort really bothers me.

@TeaEnthusiast ooh that sounds perfect. Miles away but I’ll check x

@caringcarer thank you

HUGE thank you so much to everyone who has responded. I'm not in a rush to move her and do hear what everyone is saying about frying pan > fire.

However it is incredibly hard to see her so distressed, and I feel much more able to be there for her knowing I can create a back up plan.

To be fair, I think most boarding schools are good at spotting the type of pupil who thrives in their setting.

It sounds like your DD does have a bad year group rather temporarily hormonally bad cohort.

St Mary's in Ascot, my friend's DD goes there - it's pretty academic, not quite Wycombe Abbey standard and it's also pretty Catholic.

If you're looking at Bootham in York, then you could also look at The Mount which is an all girls Quaker school in York. Fairly small but very gentle and close to the mainline train station.

I was going to suggest King’s High in Warwick too (my old school). I think they’ve just started taking boarders too?

I had a horrible time at school at this age and it is brilliant that you are trying to work out where she should go. Moving schools can be a good solution. But I’d also get her a bit of counselling. My parents just moved me and I think I have got quite a few unhealed psychological wounds from this experience!

Thornton College or a bit out of area but Queenswood or Tudor Hall

I think you should definitely consider co-ed. Girls' schools breed bitchiness (I would know, I went to one) and I have steered clear for my own dd: it's been a joy to be honest. The girls' school atmosphere is so rarified but with boys in the mix it's just so much more balanced.

I agree. The academic results might be better for girls in an all girls school, but not worth it in my opinion for all the other stuff that goes with it.