Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

How manage friendship issues.

13 replies

CurlyTop1980 · 03/10/2023 16:33

My daughters have started Yr 7
Things have started to become tricky with friends. Some of the primary school friends are pulling away and mine are struggling with making new friends. I've tried to support them and say these things happen. But I feel really sad for them. Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
HawaiiWake · 03/10/2023 16:44

How big is the year? Is it a single sex or coed? How big a primary school cohort entered the year 7?

TeenDivided · 03/10/2023 17:29

There is a lot of juggling of friendships in y7.
It seems to be quite common for people to pull away from primary friends.
Are there some clubs they can join to meet like minded people?

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 03/10/2023 17:39

I'd say it's very early days still. There are a lot of new people to meet, they need to give it time. But also look for opportunities to strike up conversations, especially if they see someone who looks as if she might be on her own.

Are they twins? Do they tend to hang out together a lot? Other people might think they're not looking for new friends, esecially if they're not identical and people don't realise they're twins, but think they're established friends.

Original poster
CurlyTop1980 · 03/10/2023 21:15

Yes they're twins & they're not identical. They're in the same form group.

They seem to be having more issues with existing friends pulling away from them. And they are becoming more reliant on each other.

OP posts:
HawaiiWake · 03/10/2023 21:59

Join clubs and meet new kids, try new sports, would drama or music be an option?
Set up meet up with new kids only. Other kids may think the primary school group is too strong and give the impression that they may not want to meet others. Find kids that join secondary school that don’t know anyone.

Houseplantmad · 03/10/2023 22:01

My DD didn’t properly establish her group of friends in year 7 until the spring term so I wouldn’t worry yet. She got involved in various clubs and that’s how she found her friends.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 03/10/2023 22:35

My DD didn’t properly establish her group of friends in year 7 until the spring term so I wouldn’t worry yet.

I didn't until the second year - Yr 8 as it is now. I was friendly with several people in the first year, but it wasn't until they shuffled the forms for the second year that I made a solid group of friends that lasted through the rest of my schooldays.

I think primary school friendship groups breaking up at secondary is quite common, even inevitable, and not a deliberate abandonment of DDs. Them becoming too reliant on each other is likely make it more difficult to make new friendships, though. Can they try to do something separately once or twice a week? Go to different clubs, maybe?

Original poster
CurlyTop1980 · 04/10/2023 06:15

Thanks all. Yes I've told them this. One of them is really good at drama and performs out of school.but she didn't go to the audition as she thought none of her friends would go.then she found out loads of them went and she missed out. The other one seems to be refusing to do anything..... its all Transitions I know.

OP posts:
Postapocalypticcowgirl · 04/10/2023 20:07

CurlyTop1980 · 03/10/2023 21:15

Yes they're twins & they're not identical. They're in the same form group.

They seem to be having more issues with existing friends pulling away from them. And they are becoming more reliant on each other.

Are they in most of their lessons together too? It may be that others see them as an established pair, and so are a bit shy to approach them. I think it would be really good if you could promote separate activities to them, to help them meet others a bit more 1:1.

In terms of the drama club, can you ask the teacher if they can audition for it a bit late? If you explain the situation in terms of friendships, they may be willing?

Original poster
CurlyTop1980 · 05/10/2023 07:44

Thanks. No they're not in a lot of classes together. I've made the drama one to email her teacher and ask of there are any roles for her. Such as back stage as she won't get a part anymore. So let's see. The problem also is the drama one is always with her best friend from primary which is fine. But her parents put another school as first choice and are on the waiting list. They're really vocal that the moment she gets offered a place at this other school she will be off. So that's why I wanted her to make new friends.

Her sister is not as bothered but she plays a lot of team sports outside if school so has a large friendship network there.

I hate all this change....

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlyTop1980 · 05/10/2023 07:47

It's a fairly large co-ed school. Most of their pri.ary went there. So about 50 kids?

OP posts:
twistyizzy · 05/10/2023 07:48

This is why people shouldn't get hung up about sending DC to secondary school with primary friends, by October half term most have splintered off abd found new friends. This is completely natural and normal. Clubs are a good way for them to meet new friends but I think Yr 7 + 8 can be quite fluid in terms of friendships.

Original poster
CurlyTop1980 · 05/10/2023 15:02

Completely agree. Friends kids who have started schools with no one from their primaries seem to have made loads of new friends.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page