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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Swearing in year 7

51 replies

Sweetie1980 · 30/09/2023 19:51

My ds has just started year 7 in a state school that is very over subscribed, it’s in a lovely area and he is really happy there . However , he has told me that half of year 7 swear a lot at break times .. is this normal in secondary school ? His friend that goes to a private school also hears swearing .. I am surprised at this .. is it a just trying to be cool and grown up thing?

OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 30/09/2023 21:04

Yep, swearing, watching porn probably. Every awful thing you can think of.

I was suprised at the disgusting things coming out of my sweet little girls' gobs a few years back. They look so innocent!

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/09/2023 21:04

Sweetie1980 · 30/09/2023 20:05

really for year 7 ? No I don’t live under a rock , I am just surprised so many year 7s are swearing , they have just left primary . Thanks for your helpful post though

They swear in primary too.

Mummyme87 · 30/09/2023 21:08

I have a DS on yr5. Swearing goes on on his friendship group, and the number 69 is hilarious although not sure he knows why. I remember in yr4 swearing starting

Fleamaker · 30/09/2023 21:09

Secondary school is a totally different experience to primary. Yes there's swearing, vaping, crude sexual remarks... suddenly they're mixing with older kids, so it's inevitable but little by little all their innocence disappears, sad to see really

BoohooWoohoo · 30/09/2023 21:10

My kids learned to swear in primary school. I remember my son asking me what a wanker was when he was in year 4. It's not a term I use very often so he hadn't heard it.

I've read posts on here where children pick it up at nursery.

DazedandConfused11 · 30/09/2023 21:10

Do you never hear kids out in town? Surely you’re aware kids swear? Or did you think because it’s a private school that they’re different from all other kids somehow?

IhearyouClemFandango · 30/09/2023 21:11

It's true, it's a running joke in our house that my (now year 9) daughter probably knows more swear words than we do.

We don't swear really as a family, certainly not around the kids. I have no doubt that they probably do around their friends, but they wouldn't around us or other grown ups so they know how to behave appropriately.

PrincessesRUs · 30/09/2023 21:16

The kids language is horrendous- honestly it'd make you blush - and I teach in a girls private school- I often think parents would be HORRIFIED if they heard their kids

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/09/2023 21:18

I am aware of what secondary school is like .of course . I was just wondering how normal it was for this stage in year 7 as my ds was uncomfortable with it. ( and he isn’t the only one ) not all 11 year olds want to be around swearing . And he clearly wasn’t around it it in a lot in year 6 or he wouldn’t be surprised by it . Tbh I am happy he is this

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/09/2023 21:20

@DazedandConfused11 he doesn’t go to a private school ..

OP posts:
KarenOzzySmitherson · 30/09/2023 21:20

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sleepyscientist · 30/09/2023 21:25

In my opinion the better the school the more swearing goes on. Kids at deprived schools are more likely to have been exposed to violence and swearing used as a weapon so are almost scared of it. Now little Theodore in the selective grammar sees it as expressive language as has never heard it used as weapon more expressive language when the silly man pulled out on mummy. The number 69 seems to be hilarious is DS's year 5 class at the moment.

smilesup · 30/09/2023 21:30

clary · 30/09/2023 20:47

Yes I agree with others, quite normal.

Swearing in conversation with peers - fine, normal, completely standard at 10+.

Swearing in front of your mum - TBC (see below)

Swearing at your teacher - probably be sent out or given detention. So don't do that.

My Ds1 swears quite a bit, sometimes in front of me, not really at me (maybe a muttered grumpy word); DS2 swears mostly in relation to or when playing his sport "f-ing well move up the pitch!" and then sometimes when he is talking to me about it - but soon corrects himself. I have never heard DD swear at all. \

So they have all (youngest is 20) grown up to find their own way of dealing with it. Your son will be fine @Sweetie1980 - as a PP said, it's just something else to deal with from other people. A good learning experience tbh.

Your DS2 needs to sort his shit out on the pitch..swearing at team mates is awful, swearing at the other team will get him sent off. Either way people will think he is a dick.
Harsh but true. DH and I play a lot of team sports and this is the case.

gotomomo · 30/09/2023 21:30

We taught appropriate language to our kids - home (with no visitors) and friend's language, school and general visitors language then Nanna visiting language when only exemplary use of the English language suffices (no mild expletives even!) They are well adjusted adults now, one swears a lot more than the other though (I'm not a swearer by nature, their father more so)

ZZGirl · 30/09/2023 21:39

They were probably quietly swearing in year 6 too.

Newuser75 · 30/09/2023 21:41

I have literally just today had a conversation with my year 6 son who said him and his friends do swear at break times etc. these are good, polite boys who are never in trouble. I've told him to be mindful or who they are around just in case.

I don't for one minute think they are the only ones.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 30/09/2023 21:46

Totally normal. Also plenty of swearing in primary school.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/09/2023 21:47

@sleepyscientist I think you have a very good point . I think it’s triggering for kids that have been around verbal abuse and aggression . I know it happens and kids are just being kids but not I didn’t expect so much of it ..

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clary · 30/09/2023 21:48

@smilesup this was football if that makes a difference and they all did it tbh. It was just a way of speaking I think. Hence my point about him sometimes continuing to talk like that off the pitch, then realising he was talking to me! I never heard him swear at the other team or the ref. Maybe my example was bad - he played in goal and had a role of encouragement and tactics as gk often does. It wasn’t nasty I assure you.

He plays American football now and I’m not usually close enough to hear what he says.

I don’t play any team sports myself, but if I did I don’t think I’d swear. I’m not a 16yo boy tho.

StopProcrastinatingGerald · 30/09/2023 21:50

It’s actually a developmental stage - and quite a normal milestone around Y6. Children start to try out ‘adult’ language - it tends to be out of earshot of adults, but at much greater frequency than adults would use in a conversation. Swearing is a way of emulating how children perceive adults and older adolescents and as such is a ‘belonging’ signal to other older children and adolescents, and a way of signalling to younger children that they are different.

So I’m entirely comfortable that all my dc will have entered a profanity-rich world from about age 9 or 10. I think it builds up until 12 or 13, and then by the time the kids are 16 or 17 they’re more or less talking like adults, although they will have some slang specific to their age group / demographics.

The kids wouldn’t swear in front of me though!

Wolvesart · 30/09/2023 21:57

Drastically declines from Yr 9 onwards as it’s just talking big and showing off. But there’s drink etc to worry about from then onwards.

Back in the mid 70s, I went to a comp after the village school. We village girls walked hand in hand and got called lezzers. No idea what it meant. Came home said my day was ‘crap’ - again, no idea what it meant.

LolaSmiles · 30/09/2023 22:04

It's normal for children to experiment with swearing at that age. There's a huge range of swearing from the odd word here and there, to swearing for humour, to swearing to intimidate. It's not all the same.

Even adults use swear words for different effects and in different contexts, although you'll still find some adults clutching their pearls claiming they have no idea how anyone could possibly be so vulgar and crass, they're obviously far too intelligent to swear, and other silly statements like that.

If all swearing is upsetting your DC the way you're suggesting, they're going to need to get a thicker skin quite quickly.

AnySoln · 30/09/2023 22:59

Dd doesnt like it either asd and says she is avoiding those kids.

FunnysInLaJardin · 30/09/2023 23:01

I'm sure my DC have been swearing since the year dot. Not to teachers, but certainly at home if it is appropriate

MissDollyMix · 30/09/2023 23:14

Crikey! My DS first told me about some children swearing at school when he was still at infants! Year 2! And that was a good school with a very ‘nice’, middle-class catchment. It was fairly common place by the time he got to hear 6. My DD is currently in year 6 and recently claimed to not realise exclaiming “bloody hell!” was a swear word 🤔

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