Independent Secondary Schools in Surrey for DD with mild ASD

[Sam1979Oct]

I'd love to get some advice on secondary schools that have been recommended to us by our ed psychologist.

Our DD has mild ASD and is coping in a large primary state school (in yr5) but we have been advised she won't cope at the even larger secondary school (without an EHCP which we havent managed to get as she is 'at expected levels' academically).

So we are looking at Notre Dame in Cobham, St Teresa's, Manor House and Kingswood House. Looking for a kind and caring school where pastoral care is really important and a school with a strong SEN department. It is the social aspect of school that gives our DD most anxiety.

Would LOVE some advice...

My friend's child is at Manor House and they said it is very kind / nurturing school. Their child has flourished. Not sure about the SEN side but there are children with SEN attending. It also has now linked up with St Teresa's - so there are more options when it comes to the older years.

We attend external Netball training and some older children help the younger ones train - these girls are from Manor House and really lovely positive girls.

We didn't choose it for my Daughter as she is happier in bigger classes and we wanted Co-ed, but from my friends experience I'd say its worth considering.

@May09Bump Thanks so much!

depending on where you are geographically Sutton High is v close to Surrey and very strong on individuated learning / SEN

Similar to us! EP suggested St Teresa's for my ADHD DD so following with interest. I'm guessing it is worth having a few options as she will need to sit the entrance exams. Hoping to get an EHCP to cover but not really sure how that all works!

People I know have looked at Sutton High, Ewell Castle and (though possibly Wandsworth is too far?) Thames Christian College.

That’s why we were a little surprised by the some of the school recommendations- they are quite academic and have entrance exams that will course a lot of anxiousness for our DD and whilst she is bright, I’m not sure an Exam/test would bring out her best!

We went around Kingswood and really liked it there - just a bit nervous that there aren’t enough girls yet

We tried for an EHCP but failed because our DD is doing fine academically. It is the social side of school and slow processing that she struggles with. Plus Surrey are reknown for not giving them out atm as they cost them so a lot of money and of course, they are under-funded.

if you think your DD could get into St T’s there is probably a strong chance you won’t get an EHCP sadly! We looked at a tribunal but were advised the costs would spiral so private schools seem like our best option.

We tried for an EHCP but failed because our DD is doing fine academically. It is the social side of school and slow processing that she struggles with.

I take it you applied for an EHCP needs assessment and were refused? Please bear in mind that this is how the system works - you apply and get refused because they want you to give up and go away. It’s appalling I know, but it’s a standard part of the process for most families. You can - and should - appeal.

A child does not have to be behind academically to get an EHCP. SEMH (social emotional mental health) and slow processing are perfectly valid grounds to seek an EHCP. I will be doing the same for my year 3 son as he approaches secondary.

Sutton has traditionally been less academically challenging because a lot of the very academic girls leave at 11 for nonsuch / wallington etc. It would definitely be worth talking to the head - she is really open to that kind of conversation. I have two girls who have gone through Sutton - one with SEN and one G&T and the school has supported both superbly.

You are exactly right @Jellycats4life !

I was simplifying my post tbh. We knew we would get rejected as that is almost part of the process with Surrey (so ridiculous!) and you dont have to be behind academically but it can make getting an EHCP harder if your child is keeping up academically.

It so happens that our Ed Psych said that in our case an EHCP would not be very helpful for our particular needs and that private school with smaller classrooms and good SEN provisions etc would be best case. As we can afford that route (just!), thats the route we are going to take (and avoid the stress of a tribunal).

Another vote for Sutton. Will do some digging as hadn't considered them!

Fair enough @Sam1979Oct

If we could afford private then I would do it in a heartbeat!

I have a DS with a similar profile at Kingswood and they are really thriving there. They found primary tough on many fronts but find the small size and nurturing stance at KHS really suits them. It's a school that totally gets that SEN kids often need a bit more space and support and with it they can do amazing things. The kids are all really supportive of each other too.

There are more girls every year, and from what I've heard, having fewer of them makes the social side of things less drama-filled and easier to navigate. There are very good links between girls in different year-groups too.

Notre Dame has been superb for my daughter who has mild dyslexia and ASD. She has been there since year six (she left Manor House due to bullying issues in a small year group and a lack of SEN recognition/support). It is a very kind and caring school, with outstanding pastoral care, and SEN support has been brilliant. There have been no bullying issues at all and there really put the focus on kindness, respect and good behaviour. I really recommend it and would not recommend that you look at Manor House school. My other daughter had to stay at Manor House in senior school as she could not in to other private schools because her maths was so behind, and let’s just say, it was not a good experience.

@anniepclaire thanks so much. Really interesting as that is the first negative sentiment I’ve heard about Manor House - so it’s surprising but great to hear a different opinion. Will be able to ask some better informed questions at their open day now.

Your Ed Pysch sounds a bit crap. How convenient for her that you could afford what she thought would be suitable.

Do they not know about teen girls burning out? Even in small supportive schools? The struggle gets harder the older they get.

l would go to appeal over EHCP.

Mild ASD doesn’t exist. It just means they can mask better and behave like NT. This is what leads to burnout.

A friend's DS with similar issues found Kingswood House perfect for him (but appreciate that doesn't address your query re number of girls). She was worried that being in a small nurturing school would make transition to larger sixth form an issue, but he's now settled in well to a large state sixth form, which is very different to what he was used to.

@AliMonkey thanks so much. I have heard nothing but positivity for KWS!

And a v v high number of appeals for a needs assessment win, C. 97+%. Look at the SEN jungle web site. It's not that hard to appeal.

My friends DD started Notre Damme in September. She has ASD. Shes getting on great. I also know someone who works there and she says it's a lovely calm, nurturing environment.

I know it's been a while since you asked for some feedback, but we are now considering exactly the same schools for one of our DDs, who is Autistic, experiences anxiety and is currently in an independent mainstream prep school. I would love to hear how you have got one with your school search and what your thoughts were on KHS vs Sutton High and Notre Dame?

If you are open to chatting, I am happy to DM if that is preferable to you.

Whilst there is no 'mild ASC' there is 'atypical ASC', where one of the diagnostic criteria/characteristics are not observed, but other behaviours still suggest challenges that only an ASC diagnosis can explain. Equally, no two autistic individuals have the same expression of the potential differences, and what may appear mild on paper can be challenging to live with in practice, and vice versa.

I could have written this post myself! I am really keen to know which school you chose is the end and how they are getting on- how was the process with an EHCP? Thank you so much

We didn’t get on with KHS. But loving Ewell Castle which has a fabulous SEN lead & team. Worth a look.