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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Choosing a school - if you could go back in time..

28 replies

moderationincludingmoderation · 28/09/2023 13:53

If you now have children who have been to secondary school, or At secondary:
If you could go back in time to when you were applying/choosing - what advice would you give to yourselves?

OP posts:
Spinet · 28/09/2023 13:54

Calm down a bit. A school is a school. Don't get caught up in other parents' panic or opinions, trust in what YOU think is important about a school.

sunshineandshowers40 · 28/09/2023 14:00

Be realistic. How likely are your DC to get into the school (check the admission criteria).

Don't just look at ofsted and results (are results improving?)

How will they get to school? If they can walk to school life is so much easier.

Listen to what DC want (doesn't mean you have to agree).

If a school says they have no bullying they are lying (in my opinion!).

Trust your instincts.

PuttingDownRoots · 28/09/2023 14:01

Currently choosing fir DD2... we chose for DD1 during Covid protocols, so it was all online. DD1s class parents were a lot more relaxed about the process than DD2s class parents as they can go and see more schools and get the hard sell.

DD1s friends and parents are all extremely happy with the local school. We didn't see it beforehand unless there was an older sibling, nothing to compare it too... but they are all getting good lessons and are happy and safe.

So yes... relax.

Original poster
moderationincludingmoderation · 28/09/2023 21:05

Spinet · 28/09/2023 13:54

Calm down a bit. A school is a school. Don't get caught up in other parents' panic or opinions, trust in what YOU think is important about a school.

This is exactly what I thought about Primary applications and must remember to apply the same process to secondary!

OP posts:
CoQ10 · 28/09/2023 21:42

Avoid public schools.

AnySoln · 28/09/2023 22:38

Take what they say will happen with a pinch of salt.
Setting or not can all change
Your dc may not go into the sets you expect
Primary friends may disappear in weeks
Clubs may not start straight away. (After term 1?)
Ask how many teachers per subject. Dd has 4 for one subject.
How do they decide pe setting? Ours used 1 netball game.

Dc can change a lot at a different school.

Yourebeingtooloud · 28/09/2023 22:40

It will probably be fine.

dubsie · 28/09/2023 23:00

I probably wouldn't change my school but if I could change one thing it would have been to stop bullying. I wasn't bullied myself but my school was a pretty tough place to be as a boy...lots of fights, lots of kids being picked on and the teachers turned a blind eye to most of it.

So when I look for a school I'm always looking for signs of bullying.

clary · 28/09/2023 23:43

The local school is fine. They can walk there. Their friends will be local. There is a good choice of subjects. Lots of the teachers are good. The Ofsted is not great.

[they all went there and it was OK]

DreadingTheSalon · 29/09/2023 06:34

Don't fret too much about ofsted. Between DH and I we have worked in or had DC at 4 of the local.schools. 2 good, 2 outstanding.
1 outstanding is well....not great in some elements, but a good school. Got a new head now. Could all change....
1 outstanding was outstanding, but new head has meant some rumblings
1 good..but new head means it is actually better than the 2 outstanding
1 good but but was probably only just scraping a good. New head started....could all change (we think for the better)

So what I am saying is, even if you think, on paper, you have a dead cert....it can all change.

I wasn't sold on DCs school when he started, but it was OK, local and he'd be happy there. Now, I am super impressed with new head snd delighted with how he is doing

lavenderlou · 29/09/2023 06:41

I would worry less about the journey and put my child in the better school.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 29/09/2023 06:51

Be realistic about which school is going to suit your child. They cannot thrive if they aren't happy.

Windseven · 29/09/2023 06:55

Ofsted means next to nothing. DDs (Y13) school is requires improvement after a couple of years of a wayward now sacked HT. DSs old school (he’s at uni now) is outstanding. DD has had by far better teaching than DS had.

Let your DC judge the schools at open days to see how they think they will fit in. Both mine had a vibe - and strong feelings about this. Their perceptions weren’t wrong and they’ve both been very happy. Who they mix with in these years is crucial - peers are more influential than parents in teen years. Are the DC at the school ones you would like at a sleepover at your house?

Don’t be swayed by the HT. The one at DSs school was excellent but he retired a couple of years in and was relaxed by the DHT who was and is appalling. DDs school HT also retired and was replaced by a rogue nutter who massacred stuff for a few years and has now been replaced.

Check out the turnover of teachers and especially on a department level. DS was lucky to have brilliant economics teachers in sixth form but the whole dept have now left - presumably bc of shit HT.

GransAreCool · 29/09/2023 09:10

My DD is in her late 20s now. However the thing I wish I had done differently….
I would have stuck to my guns and not been swayed by a 10 years olds friends, other parents and a sales pitch at a private school. My DD was in state primary OFSTED grade 5 (yes, it was a thing in the early 2000s) basically meant it was vey bad, but she loved it. I wanted her to go to a state secondary (not the local one) but it would have meant a 40 minute bus journey. DD said she didn’t want to go to the state secondary (she hadn’t even seen it! - idiot parent I was back then, I will never get over this) and we looked at one of the private schools friends and other parents were all talking about and I was hooked. I sent her there and it was the worst decision ever. She hated it, I told her to persevere and it would get better, she suffered from horrendous MH issues and depression and we had to have CAMHS involvement. I took her out in Y10 because it was getting to much and she ended up in the local special measures secondary school (not the one I originally wanted her to go to). This really helped her and she got back on track and passed 12 GCSEs all B and C grades, which I was really proud of her for considering everything. Yes, they weren’t as high as they could have been but she was happy so she did well. She was on track to fail at the private school. Funnily enough, she ended up at the school I originally wanted her to go to for 6th form and she loved it there, she did amazing, As at A level. She went on to get a 1st class in Engineering and has a job she really likes.
We did have a conversation about why she didn’t go there in year 7, all I could do was apologise to her. She doesn’t hate me for it, but I really wish I had stuck to my guns.

Original poster
moderationincludingmoderation · 29/09/2023 10:34

Agree about Ofsted. I've never paid much attention. Also agree about ignoring what other parents say.
My DD went into a Needs Improvement Primary, with a tenporary head, that all our peers totally wrote off and dismissed down to rumours. We went with our gut as we felt it was just a really good fit for us. Got the good vibes.
Now in year 6, DD has thrived. The school is now Ofsted Good and the new head who started as we joined transformed the school. We are going to be so sad to move on!

OP posts:
Original poster
moderationincludingmoderation · 29/09/2023 10:35

Thanks all for contributing. Great to hear everyone's hindsight experiences and perspectives.

OP posts:
OhCrumbsWhereNow · 29/09/2023 11:15

Wouldn't change what I did.

Ignore where everyone else is going (friendships change massively in Y7).

Visit every potential school your child has a chance of getting into.

Take Progress 8 and Ofsted with a pinch of salt - but do look at things like percentage getting 5+ in English & Maths, and if there is a cohort getting straight runs of 8s and 9s.

Look at the extra curricular offer.

Closest isn't always best.

Make sure the school is right for your child - just because it looks great on paper doesn't mean it will be in practice. No point picking the school with amazing sports if your child prefers art and chess.

Have a list of questions that are important to you and find a member of staff at every school and ask the same questions. You will learn a lot from that.

Do the school tours alone and then take DC to see the short-list. 10 year olds are swayed by the weirdest things and you don't want to hate a school and find they are fixated because the school canteen serves chips.

Start looking in Y5 if you have plenty of options and make a list of key dates - things like aptitude tests tend to happen in the September of Y6 and easy to miss the deadlines if you're not aware in advance.

GodessOfThunder · 29/09/2023 11:21

Go to Eton: you can emerge an incompetent liar and still become PM

Nitgel · 29/09/2023 11:42

nothing, he went to the local (bog standard) comp and walked there (horror) he then got good grades and went to university and has a good job now.

teenysaladandsniffofarose · 29/09/2023 12:13

Unless it's an absolutely atrocious school.. let your child decide. (Unless they don't particularly care)

My parents pushed me into a certain school where none of my friends were going and i was absolutely miserable.

Sungazing · 29/09/2023 12:49

I would not have sent DS to prep school but most of all I would never have sent him to the boys boarding school he attended.

It has destroyed our family, I wish I could go back in time. Sadly the Labour party's new policy will have very little effect on the school.

At least Sunak will be gone.

Neveragainamidoingthat · 29/09/2023 12:53

If I could go back in time I would tell myself that being tired and exhausted because of travelling is counter productive. I would tell myself to choose the closer secondary school and put the £400 a term per child we spent on bus fees into tuition at GCSE level. (Imagine a tuition fund of £6k per child - we wasted that on transport, I look back and think - why?!)
I thought the further way school with better results would be worth it. In reality we spent a lot of money on transport, DC1 and DC2 were travelling for 2 hours a day, they were exhausted and didn’t do as well as they could have done. I think they did worse than if they had gone to the less well performing local school 30 minutes walk away. They would have been better more local, to be able to do after school activities, to have local friends and for us to put the money into tuition if they needed it.

Im contrast DS3 (big age gap - happy little accident) has gone to local school, it’s still performing worse than the one the other 2 went to but DC3 is happier, not exhausted and doing better. And yes, we are saving the £400 a term we would have spent on transport in case it is needed at GCSE level. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

12345change · 29/09/2023 16:17

Know it's NOT a choice but a preference...

When it comes to it so many don't get their first choice - you need to know this and be happy with second or third preference.

ADogAndThreeCats · 29/09/2023 18:11

I think it is important to read OFSTED report if it is relatively recent as they are now much stricter and more descriptive. If its old Ofsted just don't bother. Not so much because of of OFSTED grading but the content of it . There is a lot of interesting information there about school specialism: more sporty or more music? Strong at maths? And then find out what are weaknesses: safeguarding? Pastoral care?

MintJulia · 29/09/2023 18:32

We managed to get it right. I'd do the same again.

DS was isolated and frustrated at the slow pace of the last two years at primary, so I got him involved in choosing his senior school.

He went to five different school taster days. He was 10 and wasn't aware of catchment areas or state/private, so chose completely on what he saw and how he felt.

I went to six open evenings.

Then we discussed pros and cons for each, and then chose favourite and second choice each. We found we agreed on the first choice, so that's where he went.