Detention and behaviour marks due to others

[nothingevergoesright]

My DD is Y9. She has a Chromebook we bought for her, but it has the school's software and is monitored by the school.

Before the summer holiday she left her Chromebook on when she went to speak to someone and another pupil wrote something offensive on it. It was flagged up and she was spoken, luckily the other pupil confessed (and also said sorry via WhatsApp, so it was documented and no further action taken against DD.

Today she was with her best friends and one of them asked to borrow her CB and wrote something about their mutual friend (who was with them), thinking it was a "giggle". It was that this girl was a S**t. The girl who it was written about also found it funny.

This was of course flagged up and DD has been given a detention and behaviour marks. She didn't want to implicate her friend who wrote it (and the friend gave DD money).

I've tried to impress on DD the seriousness of the situation and that she must never let anyone touch her Chromebook again. She's tried to imply that I'm telling her to not trust her friends, but doesn't understand that they're writing things on hers, not theirs, which isn't cool.

I've no idea what else to do. DD wants me to tell the HoY after the detention, that it wasn't her, but I can't help but feel that the Chromebook is her responsibility and that she's responsible for what is written on it, even if she didn't do it herself.

I'm worried that this will keep happening if she doesn't stop it being used. There is no way to lock the screen as the school's software doesn't allow it.

Is it worth mentioning to the school or not?

Might be worth telling HoY about the whole thing so hopefully they can impress on her that it's her responsibility to keep her tech safe and not to let others use it. So they can back you up basically.

@phoenixbiscuits thank you, I will try that.

Where are the nasty things actually being written? And how is the school seeing them?

I definitely would be bringing it up with school. But be prepared to be told something different to your daughter's version.

How precisely are other people writing things on BBC a Chromebook that others can see!?

School will know because they have key logger software installed on the computers. So if someone types swear words or searches for anything dodgy, an alert is raised.

@Soontobe60 I think the software flags up inappropriate language. The behaviour issue I can see says that something was written on a Google doc and was flagged up by software.

Yep she needs to learn that her computer is her responsibility. It's the same as Lock Screen policies at work. Lock your device before leaving your desk or you are responsible if someone uses your computer for nefarious purposes.

Do you have any concerns at all OP about a power imbalance amongst friends - or trying to fit in . I would expect her to be pretty forthright with her friends about this if she’s been got in trouble by their behaviour.

This sounds to me like she's trying to fit in. I would be telling her if it happens again she will not be allowed to have friends over (I assume this is happening at home?)

You may want to believe that it is not your DD's fault or responsibility, but the truth is that it is.
If she isn't mature enough to be responsible for it then maybe there should be other adjustments in place.

I would also be having a conversation about her "friends" and encouraging new friendships perhaps through after school enrichment or out of school. These girls aren't her friends, she's their scapegoat and they are bullying her.

The friend gave your DD money? Why?

If she’s not supposed to let others use it, I’d leave them to it (unless you think she’s being bullied). She’ll soon get fed up and stop letting people use it.

@DelilahBucket no it's happening at school, all their work is done on the Chromebooks, so they have them all day, and frequently finish bits at lunch.

I do think she's trying to fit in, she often feels that she's not liked, but she does need to learn to take responsibility for her own things.

@EduCated the friend gave her money to apologise for getting her into trouble.

@Alwaysfreeolives DD would never speak out to her friends, she worries by doing so they wouldn't like her. She only got let off the previous incident, due to the fact that others saw the girl using her Chromebook and when asked by the tutor she admitted it, then wrote an apology on DD's WhatsApp apologising for doing it.

She didn't want to implicate her friend who wrote it (and the friend gave DD money).

That needs to stop. What else will 'friend' ask dd to take the blame for, in exchange for money? DD needs to be told never to accept payment to keep quiet or take the blame for someone else's wrongdoing. It's quite small stuff now, but it could become serious.

As for not trusting her friends, well, they are not trustworthy, are they?

Also, what happens if these kids move on to bullying others outside their own friends' group via Chromebooks/social media etc?