‘Average’ Child

[Secondaryschoolstress]

Hello, I’m at my wits end about what to do with regards to DC secondary school. They are year 6 now and we have to decide.

When we moved here we were in the catchment of a grammar school and also 3 comps. 2 excellent, one awful. In my head DC would do the 11+ and go to grammar. Or we’d apply for one of the excellent schools.

unfortunately there has been some massive massive development either side of our village. I mean tens of thousands of new houses and now both the excellent schools are over subscribed and we’re out of catchment with the reshuffle. These things happen I get it. And it’s clear that DC are not academic and won’t pass the 11+

So the very real issue is that they will end up in the poor school. In the lowest set (but not enough so get extra help) where the behaviour is extremely poor. This is factual. I am friends with a number of staff at that school who openly say the lower sets are simply crowd control. And mostly staffed by supply because the school are unable to retain to recruit teachers and there are many vacancies.

I know a bright child who is keen to learn can do well anywhere. But how to do help a child who isn’t academic. All reports say my child is well behaved and puts it maximum effort in her studies most of the time. They are very sporty and arty, but just not academic. Which is fine. Except that
the majority of primary school friends are doing the 11+, or leave nearer the good schools so in catchment or parents are paying privately. And poor DC will be stuck at a school without her friends surrounded by poor behaviour and so many distractions in her learning environment.

I completely understand the issues behind poor behaviour at school. This isn’t about ‘my child deserves better’. But it is about wanting a school environment where she can concentrate and learn and reach her full potential. I am at a complete loss of what to do.

As the parent of an average child I think we have to make more effort with education than those with bright kids. The lower sets in some schools are terrible.

I put huge value on education, so if it were me I would do whatever it took to get her into a better school. Can you move? Rent for a couple of years near the better schools? Could she get a private school scholarship for her sport?

A last resort would be to accept the bad school and tutor her (either yourself or a paid tutor) or home school.

I would like to point out that 'average' children do not end up in lower sets, they end up in middle sets. I would guess even more so in a grammar area where top set children have already been skimmed off. It is lower ability children who end up in the lower sets. Furthermore there are plenty of lower ability children who do try hard.

So first of all you have to be honest with yourself, is your child average or actually struggling? My DD got 100, 97, 96 is SATs and wasn't in bottom sets in her comp.

Firstly, have a bash at the 11+, although it might be too late now is it? Some children do get through who are not especially academic, it can just be down to luck on the day

Be "that" parent at the school, if your child is in a set with bad behaviour. No child should have to accept having their education disrupted, so don't accept it - be on the case,

Keep records, what disruption, by whom, for how long. The second time it happens in a class, contact the teacher, CC the head of dept. The third time it happens, escalate.

The thing is, as a parent with a concern for the education of their child, your child is not going to be an issue in a higher set, with your support, they will manage fine.

So the school is likely to move your child out of disruptive sets - they know it isn't fair and they know a supportive parent will help a child cope in a higher set.

Of course we want a good education available to all, but the fact is, many secondary school students sabotage their own futures. They should not, however, be allowed to sabotage anyone else's.

What we do with the disillusioned, disengaged, disruptive element is a different question, but what we do with a hard working child with support at home is we move them up.

We don't have grammar schools where I live and the private offer isn't great so most go to three local secondary schools. My son went to the most popular. My son is 'average', well behaved but not a hard worker and found himself mostly in middle sets. We got a tutor for maths. He found his place in school through sport - again he wasn't the absolute best but a good team member - he made more friends that way. I would give the school a go.

Most of kids wouldn't pass 11+ without tutoring or hard work with parent. And this is not only hard work in terms of learning but mostly making them do it. There are few and far between kids that can just be self motivated.

But the thing is about the child's characteristic: is it a bright child, is he or she interested in popular science for kids, likes to write stories, is excellent at computing, superb at sport, very capable manually that is an artist or plays an instrument.

If a child is not " academic" I would not worry about the school with rather average GCSE results. But I would ensure that the kid uses his potential at whatever it is

Thanks everyone.

my child is bright (as in perky and switched on), and is well behaved and compliant. (Obviously I think she’s absolutely amazing). No interest what’s so ever in science or maths. Loves writing stories, but no care for spelling or grammar. She is already tutored privately for maths. Which she quite likes. But really All she wants to do is run and dance, or climb or draw and paint. And the comp we are stuck with has very poor provision in arts and sport. Like really minimal and the main focus is football which is the one sport she doesn’t like.

Her friendship group at school are the well behaved studious ones, but I suspect because they come from similar backgrounds. But it’s becoming noticeable they find her energy levels frustrating along with the fact that sometimes doesn’t quite ‘get’ what they are taking about.

I don’t actually care too much about GCSE results.

More the impact of the bad behaviour (there is a significant county lines issue) and lack of opportunity to reach her full potential, and lack of opportunities to undertake things she is good at. Art and sport.

@TeenDivided honestly, I think she is struggling. School however disagree. When I read her report I see a child who is putting is max effort (getting 5/5 effort wise) yet consistently year on year getting further behind.
But because she just about touches ‘expected levels’ they say she is fine…
in foundation she was working above expected levels in everything. Now she is working towards in maths and science. And just scraping where she should be (but very lower end) in the rest.
apart from sport and art, where she is still excelling…

She sounds like an ideal candidate for a non-academic private school. I would worry that the rubbish comp ends up being a waste of her time.

Yes she is the perfect candidate for a non academic private school. And we’d like to try that option. But unfortunately DH’s health took a serious turn for the worse and it’s sadly now not feasible

I would look at bursaries + sports scholarships at all rounder private schools. Ill health in a parent is looked on favourably by bursars. Otherwise you need to move to a better catchment.

Sporting opportunities can be offered outside school if the schools offer isn't stellar. For art/textiles/woodwork, what are the highest grades that children in the school have been awarded in the last few years? If just a few are reaching the top grades then it suggests that a talented child can do well even if the overall standard isn't amazing.

For the lower sets, the best advice is to avoid them if at all possible which, if your dd concentrates on maths and English this year, she should do, esp in a grammar area.

Be reassured that even in a tough school teachers respond to engaged young people that want to learn and work hard.

It sounds like intakes are in a state of flux, and that the chances of any given individual ending up in the grammar school have gone down due to increased numbers, meaning that the intake at the comprehensives is likely to improve… If private school is not an option, can you throw more resources at tutoring for more subjects, with the aim of ensuring she ends up in the higher sets?

In an area with no grammar schools, the average child would end up in middle sets. So if the top ability are creamed off by grammar schools, the same child may end up being closer to the top.

I was also thinking private schools but I see you said that’s not an option. Can you move? Alternatively you could see how it goes at this school you’re worried about (as someone said above, even in a tough school teachers will respond to a well behaved child trying their hardest) and maximise opportunities outside school for sports and art. With a view to accepting that you may simply have to move if it isn’t working out.

Oh, another option you might not have thought of might be a state boarding school? I understand boarding school isn’t for everyone and there aren’t loads of these and it’s not a zero cost option as you still pay for accommodation costs etc, but there are some and significantly cheaper than private school.

Studies show that one of the most important factor in student outcomes is their family situation.

So - ensuring your child turns up at school, eats properly, gets a good nights sleep, is supported in their learning - is more important than where they do that learning.

Schools do provide extra curricula activities in an easy to access way but you can organise these out of school. It's not always as easy but it is doable. Also getting involved in your child's school is a good way of understanding it and helping her get the most out of it.