Son anxious walking to/from school

[BananaSlug]

Do people walk their kids to school in secondary? My son is autistic (not diagnosed) and started secondary school yesterday. His school is literally 5 mins walk from our house, so you leave our house there is a residential road to cross, then walk along and get to a zebra crossing, then it’s just across the grass after the zebra crossing. I told him yesterday as it was his first day I would walk him and would wait for him half way at home time. I waited and waited but he didn’t come (there is only one way home) I called his phone 4 times and no answer, all the other kids are passing and leaving and by this point 20 mins have gone by, was just about to call the school and then they called me and explained he was too anxious to leave and didn’t understand the instructions I gave him (about meeting half way) I was waiting by the zebra crossing. He then was brought to me by a member of staff. How can I get him more confident as I can’t do this every day and after yesterday I’m worried he is too anxious to walk home alone. Any advice how to help him?

Did you practice the walk over the summer?

Has he he got sensible pal that can walk with him?

Start small, walk him most of the way tomorrow morning and then stop around the corner or something so he does the last bit alone. Tell him you’ll be at the same spot to pick him up, so he’s only doing a small part of the walk alone. Then over time have him walk more and more of the journey on his own until he’s confident to do it all.

Its a lot of change starting secondary school, there’s so much going through his head. It sounds like he just needs a bit more time to adjust

I think you need to practice with him. If you can just walk with him for the rest of this week, then maybe get him to practice the bit you want him to walk alone at the weekend.

It's nerve wracking for them starting high school. My eldest, also autistic, started this week. He's getting the bus on his own but we ran the route over summer until he was comfortable and we have talked about what to do in certain situations, I'm still nervous for him though.

They have so many new things coming at them, your son probably just got overwhelmed, I would praise him actually for speaking to staff to say he wasn't sure what to do.

We’ve done it a million times yes he has had practice

No friends he didn’t know anyone going to the school so no friends at the moment.

Offering solidarity- I had an equally horrendous experience this morning on my DD getting herself to school. I’m counting the minutes until she it hoping hoping she has put it behind her. It was just awful. Really hoping it’s just the unknown and soon they will find their feet x

He will need time to adjust to the new routine. Why not meet him at the gates tomorrow? If he is embarrassed by being seen with a parent meeting him, you could just go on ahead once he has seen you and he can follow you home. The next day, you wait a little bit further away and so on.

If he is finding it so difficult to do this simple thing, he is surely going to have other problems as well. Might it be worth pursuing a formal diagnosis now, in order to access any further help that he might need in future?

Yes just to clarify yes that’s why I said half way as he didn’t want me to pick him up by the school

When you say he has done it a million times, was it always with you? Was it the ‘half way’ that threw him?

Firstly I would seek advice on the SEN board as parents of other autistic children might have tips - though I realise every child is different.

Then I would practice more at the weekend.

And then look for a diagnosiS - apologies if that is already underway.

No he has walked himself/sometimes with his brother as he generally doesn’t like going out on his own he is reluctant to do it. I said I would meet him by the zebra crossing. He is on the waiting list but it’s 3 years wait here.

Sounds like it was a too much too fast for him, I’m sure over time his confidence will grow but take it slow and build up the distance he walks alone over time. There’s so many other changes happening for him, I’m sure it’s all a bit overwhelming

take him to the gate and do it in little steps as he feels more comfortable
there is no point rushing it do whatever makes him happy 😊

If he's in a new school with no friends yet I'm sure that's where the anxiety lies but perhaps he doesn't want to say this and focusing on the journey instead. I hope he had a good day

Is his phone off during school or on silent? Dh set up an app on the children's phones (and mine) that means it goes onto certain modes at certain times. So mine goes silent without me doing anything at 10pm. The children's phones were set to silent with no overrides (like when you star a contact so they can ring you overnight and break through your "silent" setting on your phone) just as they reached the school gate timings wise. They also then came on automatically too giving them time to make it out the school gates. It meant they didn't have to take their phone out of their bag and remember to turn it on.

We also map shared so the children could see where we were (Ds still has this as he is in sixth form and I collect him from a massive car park a walk away from the school) and I can see where he is too. We just use Google maps and set it up to share location.

As for getting him used to walking it. I would walk behind him at a distance, so he gets used to feeling like he is alone without actually being alone. There are several children who walked to or from school with their parent. Not all children can do it immediately. Maybe have a meet up point closer to the school where you just fall in behind him like a stalker or private security

Sorry he is having a hard time of it. Ds1 also went to a school where he knew no one and I couldn't even collect him as I had to collect Ds2 from primary miles away. He was shit scared but just held his head high and faked feeling confident.

I'd say just walk with him for a while. It wouldn't be uncommon around here to see parents walking with their kids, although possibly because the school is next to the tube station.
Also a lot of kids get picked up by car, so you could do that for a bit if he is reluctant to be seen walking with you, even if it is just a two minute drive.

I can’t walk with him I have younger children in primary school I need to collect, I did wait for him today but that made me late to collect them. Their school is actually further away! I could wait for him yesterday as he started first. He did have his phone on silent yes. Other than that he seems to be doing ok at school better than I expected.

Is he able to go to the school library and hang out after school? My DD is autistic and found the crowds after secondary finishes too much to deal with. The library is open after school she she started going there for half an hour to let things quiet down and would then leave. Might that help him?

Talk to the school. I wonder if they could find a responsible older pupil from your direction who would walk with him as far as your meet-up point, or as far as the zebra leaving him to do the last bit.