Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Any advice for teen boy that doesn't want to do anything post GCSE?

36 replies

JPW1974 · 24/08/2023 13:07

Son didn't get the grades for 6th form, and is devastated. Angry, won't talk.
Has places at college for other topics, but at the moment saying he won't be going as it was our idea, he never wanted to go.

So, at the moment, he will be doing nothing when the next term starts...

Anybody else found themselves in this situation? If so, any tips on how to get out of it and move on?

He passed maths and English, so great news and massive relief there, but only got 33/40 points needed for 6th form.

I think the main issue at the moment is the feeling that failure as so many of his friends are going to 6th form.

I just don't what happens if he continues to refuse to do anything else.

OP posts:

HappiDaze · 24/08/2023 13:08

Can his school advise him ?

ClarkWGriswaldd · 24/08/2023 13:09

As he passed maths and English, is there any way the 6th form will take him? Have you spoken to them?

HappiDaze · 24/08/2023 13:10

BTEC, apprenticeship, vocational course at college

Lamelie · 24/08/2023 13:11

Military? He could do anything. And I’m not saying that in a cannon fodder way- army family with impressive careers.

HappiDaze · 24/08/2023 13:12

He'll need a while to process it all poor lad

It'll all work out in the end

LadyofLansallos · 24/08/2023 13:14

Give him a little more time to process

Twizbe · 24/08/2023 13:15

Give him time. It’s a lot to process in a short amount of time.

talk to him and tell him to take 24 hours to feel all the emotions. Tomorrow you can talk to the sixth form about options / the colleges about options and what he’d like to do.

For now though, tea and sympathy.

Stickortwister · 24/08/2023 13:16

In your boat. No idea what to do either. Currently quietly checking other sixth form entry requirements while he's shut himself in his room. Gutted for him.
Made more complicated by the subjects he loves and wants to do in the future are the ones he bombed :(

StressedMumOf2Girls · 24/08/2023 13:17

I think he just needs some time to process. Give it a few days but in the meantime, speak to his 6th form and see if they would accept him even if it means doing a different set of subjects (and also ask DS once he's calmed down if he would actually do those subjects...)

And if 6th form is out of the question, then yes have a look at colleges again. But I truly think he just needs time to process it all. He's probably more angry at himself than anybody else.

LBFseBrom · 24/08/2023 13:17

Just be patient, kind, and leave it up to him.

Clymene · 24/08/2023 13:18

Firstly, I'm really sorry. He sounds so disappointed and it must be horrible to feel like you're the only one (although I'm sure he's wrong).

Have you explored other options? I don't mean with him, I mean have you looked around other local alternatives which you can discuss with him once he's calmed down a bit. I agree that I'd leave him for 24 hours at least.

The council runs drop in sessions here for kids who don't get the grades they need so may be worth looking into as well.

Spendonsend · 24/08/2023 13:18

He needs a day or so to feel a bit crap about it.

Give him a hug, acknowledge his dissapointment, say you are here for him and when he is ready you can help him find a new path that will be ok, but you recognise he needs time to feel low.

Remember he may also be a bit embarrassed if he didnt do as well as he hoped. So i saw some advice saying check how they wants to share the news with relatives/friends etc.

Sisterpita · 24/08/2023 13:19

I am not being insensitive but were his results a true reflection of his academic/exam ability or did he misread questions or not revise enough? This is a good indicator of what his next steps might be.

He could resit in November or redo the year. He could go in a different direction apprenticeship, military, vocational qualifications.etc.

He needs time to come to terms with the results but then think about what he wants to do. The National Careers Service is a good place to start https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

Careers advice - job profiles, information and resources | National Careers Service

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

ThePlacesYouWillGo123 · 24/08/2023 13:21

His school will not want him to be a NEET (not in education, employment or training) as this looks bad on their figures at the next census. Push the school to organise a careers meeting with him. As part of the careers guidance for schools, all y11s should have a meaning full discussion with a careers adviser to discuss next steps / career paths / colleges etc and you can try and request some further support. Such support is often funded by local authorities so you may be able to go direct to see if they have any drop in centres for discussions.

Bunnyannesummers · 24/08/2023 13:45

Give him the weekend to get his head round it and then restart the discussions.

decided what he’d ultimately like to do and work backwards. But be clear doing nothing isn’t an option throughout.

his options include college, A Levels, Btecs, apprenticeships, t levels, volunteering…there lots he could do, depending on his interests

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 24/08/2023 14:46

Unfortunately, the longer he takes to process this, the harder it will be to find him something. He probably does just need time, but if he doesn't do anything then options may disappear to other students.

Can you at least accept the place at college, so he's got that as a plan in case nothing else comes up? If he doesn't turn up there in September, it won't be an issue, but if he doesn't accept the place, they could offer it to another student.

I would talk to the school to see if there is any option of him staying on for sixth form, or if they have any other advice- but it sounds like he has missed what he needed by quite a long way.

I totally understand that he's upset- but is there any way you could persuade him to at least talk to the college about his options?

Original poster

JPW1974 · 24/08/2023 16:53

HappiDaze · 24/08/2023 13:08

Can his school advise him ?

We've asked for a meeting with their careers person. Waiting to hear back.

OP posts:

Original poster

JPW1974 · 24/08/2023 17:02

Sisterpita · 24/08/2023 13:19

He could resit in November or redo the year. He could go in a different direction apprenticeship, military, vocational qualifications.etc.

He needs time to come to terms with the results but then think about what he wants to do. The National Careers Service is a good place to start https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/

I think so. He did great really, he had late dyslexia diagnosis (end of year 10) and got Eng Lan 1 in mocks, but with a lot of tutoring he passed English and Maths.

He did ask about resitting, but to get the points for 6th form he needs another 7 which seems unlikely - basically you need strong passes in all subjects.

He's out with friends now, hopefully they are talking about it. One friend has an interview for 6th form on alternative course, but head of 6th form did not offer this as a suggestion to us earlier, so we guess he was more borderline.

He has no real interests in other things at the moment. He loves fitness/gym, and has a place at a local college, but at the moment saying he doesn't want to do that...

Maybe he will change his mind. Military, service etc out of the question.

OP posts:

Sisterpita · 24/08/2023 17:23

@JPW1974he has done well given the late diagnosis. Has he been given all the tools and techniques that can assist him?

We still focus on academic achievements and university as the goal but that just is not the right path for many people. It’s also something that can come with age. Lots of people do professional qualifications and degrees later in life.

He is 16, it sounds scary but he won’t retire until he is 66 or later. That is 50+ years in which he can study, have several careers etc.

All he needs for now is time to adjust to the change I.e. not going into 6th form. Then work out what he wants to do for the next year or 2. He needs something to expand his horizons, give him some skills, maybe find what works for him and his dyslexia. It also should be something he will hopefully enjoy.

Use the National Careers Service quiz to find out what he may be suited for. Do the skills audit and these may come up with interesting options.

Original poster

JPW1974 · 24/08/2023 17:26

Yeah, I really feel the best thing for him is Sports Coaching at the local college - he goes to the gym 3-4 times a week and loves everything about fitness. I am hoping he will come round to that idea soon ... nothing much I can do now.
Happy he is not in his room, just hope he doesn't get wasted in the park now ...

OP posts:

Lovemusic82 · 24/08/2023 17:31

Give him time, he’s obviously upset because he didn’t get the results he wanted, it will take him a while to process. Hopefully in a day or two he will be able to sit down and discus his options. If he’s into fitness then there are a lot of options if that’s the area he wants to work in.

LIZS · 24/08/2023 17:45

Maybe suggest in the morning he goes into the college to talk through his options . There should be staff on hand to advise him what would suit his interests and they may have a different entry threshold. What did he want to resit? Could he do so alongside another course there?

boboshmobo · 24/08/2023 17:51

We told dd it's uni or a job .. you choose .. she chose uni .

There is no free loading

NorwayLass · 24/08/2023 17:55

Can he do a fitness apprenticeship instead?

bluebellart · 24/08/2023 17:56

I would give him a few days to process it and get over the initial disappointment. But I would then be making it very clear that doing nothing is not going to be an option, and demanding to know what he's going to do with himself.

As a parent, you simply crack down on it. Whatever he does, it doesn't matter, but he has to do something, or you are not housing/ feeding him. End of.

I know it sounds harsh but it really is what some kids need at that point. He really can't be allowed to see it as an option that he can sit around doing nothing and be subsidised by you financially. He is too old for that now and needs to either contribute financially or be in education.

Flip

1 2