Grammar or state?

[SilverSpringss]

DD passed her 11+ and was awarded a place at a grammar school. She was keen to take the test and was excited to be given a place, so we accepted.

Now reality has kicked in and she is having a massive meltdown about going. She has had the same group of friends (there are 5 of them) since nursery, and only one of them also has a place at the grammar. The others are of course trying to persuade her not to go and are saying how much they will miss her.

DD is not the most confident of children, she definitely isn't the queen bee of the group and likes to follow the others. However they are a lovely group of girls and never have any fall outs or arguments. She is now really upset about having to leave them, and insists she wants to attend the state school with the others.

Just after some advice on what you would do in my situation? I don't want her to be miserable at school and resent me for having such an awful time.

Your words not mine "Our SS N London state grammar is falling apart. Completely overwhelmed with applications though. DDs comp has facilities better than many London privates. A purpose built eco building. In essence, school choice is a myth and it's all random."

Your responses are so childish. It's a public forum, make however many points you like. It helps though if you actually start and finish your point.

My DD went to grammar, so did her best friend from primary school. They were even in the same class. They drifted apart within the first half term. No massive fall-out, they are still friendly with each other but totally different friendship groups. Be reassured, primary school friends seems like a massive deal in the Y6 summer holidays but it won't matter when she gets there.

I got bored with you on the first point as you were obviously so distrusting of what I said because it didn't match your own experience that it was pointless continue. I was subsequently responding to another poster's point entirely but you must have missed that. If my comments were childish it was only that I was responding to you on your level.

How good is the non grammar? DD still has the same set of primary school friends, going into Y13 this Sep. None of them went to the same secondary schools, all went to different grammars. Still see each other every holidays and all have made good secondary school friends in addition.

It is usually possible to move from grammar to non grammar if she’s unhappy so I’d say to her to try it for a term or two. Out of DDs form I think 2 moved to non grammar within the first two years.

My DD was really stressed about going to a selective school (equivalent of grammar were I live) on her own, but honestly she made friends on day 1. It’s very common for students to not know anyone when they arrive and the school has programs to help them mix.

Nearly five years later none of her close group of friends from primary are still friends, even those who went to the same secondary school. Meanwhile DD has friends from preschool and two different primary schools that she still sees because she makes an effort to stay in touch.

I encourage my kids to take every opportunity and always try things that are challenging rather than deciding it’s too hard and giving up before you start.