Stowe school

[Bedsmum66]

Hi all, we really liked Stowe for day option. Loved it looking around. We have three bright sporty kids. However, I have read so much negativity here that it has left serious doubts in my mind. I can’t reconcile the reputation with the type of kids that I know are going locally who include lots of hard working bright kids. Guess I’m looking for a bit of reassurance that the kids work hard and my money won’t be wasted!!

Are you able to expand on your comment on why you wouldn’t to that?

Because Stowe is not an academic school, it just isn’t. I wouldn’t send an academic child from a grammar school to a non selective boarding school. And yes, Stowe has a horrible reputation.

Wouldn’t academics be down to the child as much as it is down to the school? Would you give any weighting to the overall experience the child will get and development from a school such as Stowe as opposed to a grammar?

@Legalbeagle12 Just to give context: I don’t know anyone currently at Stowe or RLS. There are differences I know about and I’m fairly local. I also used a boarding school instead of another Bucks grammar. It suited my DD and she thrived. But - she never started at the grammar.

I know Stowe has links with two preps. I have friends who used one of them but DC went to Rugby. They didn’t want Stowe for older DC but to be honest, younger DC was perfect for there. Academically struggled at Rugby but parents were in Arnold Foundation so that smoothed it out. DD2 has friends who went to Stowe and the London group are pretty rich. They all boarded.

The day pupils are more a more varied bunch for obvious reasons. I’m amazed they have haggled over the amount and it’s not fully means tested. This tells me they are desperate for brighter Dc.

In general terms, there’s a lot available there. Of course it’s beautiful. We looked for 6th form but the girls seemed bored. It didn’t exude life! More mooching with nowhere to go. So we went elsewhere. It has plenty of DC who do well but probably not at the depth of RLS pupils. RLS offers a lot too but I can understand your DD liking Stowe. Mine liked her boarding school more then the idea of the grammar too. If she is doing well at the prep she will be ok. Being in a school with broader academic intake doesn’t affect top Dc. My DD got 140 in the Bucks test and didn’t go to a top academic school. Didn’t need to.

Check out you are happy with the ethos, subjects, availability of clubs, day house and everything else. No doubt there will be some characters there. She will need resilience there more than at the grammar in my view.

@TizerorFizz
Thank you for your comments, its very much appreciated.

Our DD did extremely well at the 11+ exam (achieved higher than 140) and we physically moved prior to her sitting the 11+ to get her into the grammar school.

We were only made aware of the scholarship through a program which DD attended at Stowe. The initial offer made wasn't attractive and we were told that due to our income level the award wouldn't be increased. It was only when I pushed for clarity and asked to speak with someone more senior that the offer was relooked at. They do want her and have moved above and beyond from their perspective to make it happen - they did not have to and it is a business at the end of the day but they did. The only downside is it came so late in the day but not too late that we wouldn't be able to move her.

Whilst we know that Stowe is not an academic school (school is what the child makes it) I do think that DD will thrive in either settings and feel that Stowe has a bit more edge in terms of offering and her overall development. What really struck me and made me more confused after an agonising two weeks of deliberation and coming to a decision was reading the negativity placed on the school as opposed to anything constructive/good, which then made me question further if we are doing the right thing for our DD.

@Legalbeagle12 When DD took Bucks test, 141 was highest obtainable mark.

Worth also considering where DD may be applying to university. She’s far more likely to get into Oxbridge having gone to a grammar school these days. Having gone to Stowe will form assumptions form those that don’t know her.

To add: people are wedded to old reports and do know Stowe ranks lower than lots of private schools academically but it’s not that far away from the Bucks grammars. It has its position in terms of independent schools and is quite glamorous. It does have beautiful buildings but I’m not qualified to look at teaching quality. That’s really what will matter.

Whether DD gets the big tick in terms of overall development, I’m not sure. This, to some extent, will depend on her and your pockets.

I think it also depends what you are looking for. Possibly not sport so what else do you want? She might make friends with the very rich and go to the London parties. Or ones in stately homes. Or never get invited anywhere. She might be in the orchestra and do loads of drama. She might not. She might find a new hobby or not find the time. I would not expect a personalised pastoral care programme for her but they will hope she does well academically. So would the grammar. Stowe has nearly 900 pupils over 5 years. That’s around 175-180 in a year group. Quite a lot. My DD went to a school with 1/3 that number (450 over 7 years) and they did know all DDs. Especially boarding ones.

That’s another issue. Do boarding DC get more out of this school? They are there to take advantage of everything if they are able. I also think a school should assist DDs develop their interests and one thing that was important to me was that my DD could have a go and not be left on the side as she had been at state primary school sports. Going to netball club but never getting a game. Winning was all. I wanted her to have a chance. She got her chances at singing, music and drama. New pastimes discovered. Plus great school trips. So everyone happy. How do you think DD could develop at Stowe? For us, paying wasn’t just about academics but I know it is for some.

Also I’m not sure private schools are all plain sailing. We certainly noticed favouritism and bias. Speech days were a parade of Dc belonging to the great and the good - they got a prize for something every year, deserved or not. Will you find your tribe? Does that bother you? We did but others were aloof.

Widening access does not discriminate against Stoics alone. As a separate breed! The issue is wanting more state educated Dc.

@TizerorFizz
You can get up to 181 now, I think.

@Bushy23 thank you. We are aware that only 4% of students from Stowe go to Oxbridge/Cambridge universities.

I know 121 is pass mark. Max could well be extended now.

Anyway - DD wasn’t a back number!

I wouldn't send a child to Stowe unless they are very self motivated with their academics.

It's not an academic school and since it's boarding you'll have limited influence in terms of getting him to revise for exams and develop a good work ethic. So you're relying on your child being sufficiently self motivated to study hard while putting him in an environment that doesn't really glorify academics (but does have a record of glorifying other things, like drugs, bullying and racism).

It's not the case that a bright child will do well there simply because they're bright. Even bright children, in the wrong environment, can fail to meet their potential.

If you aren't really fussed about academics then it has a lot going for it. The boys and girls come out of Stowe with a certain eloquence and charm which can enable them to get ahead in life even if they aren't too bright. The sort of people that make decent estate agents, I suppose. Plus, you won't have to see your DS all that much is if it's not convenient.

I’m a bit out of date now, but I spent a lot of Saturdays between 2010 and 2019 following DS1 and DS2 around their sporting fixtures including matches against Stowe. Lovely setting and great match tea (the best on the circuit), but our experience was of unpleasant and unsporting boys and parents. I know one young person who left after being bullied. Things may have changed since then of course but I’d be very careful.

@MisschiefMaker What do you consider to be “not that bright”. No one at Stowe will get a string of grade 3s at gcse. You don’t understand that their results are perfectly decent. They will do well if they want to but many parents there are rich so DC don’t all need elite careers. Plenty of Dc can do well at schools where not all around them are super bright. They aren’t a Bucks grammars either.

Stowe is not all boarding. Lots of day pupils so parents do have influence.

Lots of very bright kids leaving from feeder prep including many scholars, so the profile (particularly day) is changing. This is up to date knowledge based on my knowledge of kids and numbers that have just left and those planning to join in the next few years. Peoples’ views are out of date on mums net as the school is moving towards a larger day proportion. Lots of parents like me, local and pushy- I certainly won’t be allowing my kids to not work. They will need to get jobs in real world after all.

@Bedsmum66 But you negotiated for money off the day fees. You are not paying boarding fees out of your trust fund or small change. Stowe does still have a few boarding who don’t need to count the £! Plus you never know what Dc might, or indeed, might not do!

@Bedsmum66
That's reassuring to hear, thank you for your comment.

I found out today that one of our friend's friend have daughters in the Prep feeder school and will be joining Stowe in a couple of years on academic scholarships too as day pupils. Whilst majority of the pupils do board, our understanding is that by opening the Day House, the intake of day pupils has increased over time and the intention is to grow this community more at Stowe.

we felt that the outcome of any academic attainment would likely be the same irrespective of which school she goes to but felt that Stowe would provide an all rounded education (although she’s not sporty at all), mentoring and pastoral care and instill a sense of confidence in our DD, which she lacks at present

@Legalbeagle12 This part of your first post jumped out at me and it seems like it’s the crux of your dilemma - you feel your daughter will do great academically wherever she goes, so switching to a less academically pushy environment wouldn’t be an issue for you.

But - and this is going to sound snarky but I promise I’m genuinely curious - you’ve mentioned the phrase “well rounded education” (and it’s been mentioned by others too) in relation to Stowe but I don’t know what this means. It sounds like a euphemism for something only private schools can provide but I’m not sure what it is. And it can’t just be sporting facilities because it sounds like your daughter isn’t particularly interested. So what is it?

Clearly, I have no experience of private schools but, like you, I have a daughter who started at a grammar school last week so I have a good idea of what a grammar school offers.

Do you feel like having Stowe on your daughter’s future CV would give her an edge or some kudos that a grammar wouldn’t?

TigerFizz- do you mean the prep school negotiated for a reduction in day fees in general? I haven't! This is true, although critical mass has to stand for sth, I would think that 1/3 or 1/2 of kids being day would help set the tone. Although I agree that it's not a grammar school, although surely there will be kids at the grammar that are equally unfocused? Whether this justifies the massive fees, if you can get a great education for free, is another matter! For me, it's the sports in particular that is offered at Stowe and the extra curricular. Of course, you can do it outside of school but being able to do sport every day and represent the school every week is a big sell for me. Like anything, depends on your children and your situation. If I was offered a free place, don't think I would even consider it.

@Bedsmum66 Huge apologies!!! I got the wrong poster.

@Jellycats4life I think it’s a nuanced all round education at private schools. Not all grammar Dc succeed and some have been over coached and aren’t happy.

Obviously it’s facilities but it’s more than that: or why pay? I didn’t want DD to be just one of many DDs at a grammar. We went for a smaller school so she could actually join in and not be balloted out. To have a chance even if she wasn’t the best. I wanted inspirational speakers, visiting musicians, opportunities for playing, laughter, fun, loads of clubs and activities as well as some academics! I wanted her to find out what she could do and enjoy and get encouragement to do just that. I didn’t want an exam factory and loads of Uber competitive parents. Many boarding school parents are fairly laid back.

Meeting people who could help her in life wasn’t on the agenda. Never expected it. I think you get that more in boys schools where high flying old boys come back in and there’s more networking. Girls seem to do less of this. I would now expect it though.

I like to think DD would have flourished and enjoyed most schools but she really wanted the one she went to. Long term she’s made amazing friends and, as adults, they are still very close. They have no bearing on her career at all but they still support each other. Also we have met a lot of families who have never set foot in a state school. Nor their ancestors. I guess for them it’s a club.

Thanks for your answer @TizerorFizz - I appreciate the insight 😊

My off the cuff response would be that I would be far more inclined to keep her at the grammar for many reasons but partly because it will be a lot easier to get into a good uni from a state school. However, her preference is very important. She seems to have set her heart on it so I would support that. She can always rethink for A level.

@Mirabai it is not true that it will be a lot easier to get into a good uni from a state school if the state school in question is a high performing grammar. Not very different from applying from a selective independent.