Firm Discipline Schools For Lazy Children

[roses2]

I am looking for a secondary school for my DS due to start September 2024. He is a lazy so and so and is currently inbetween expected standard and exceeding level at his primary. His teacher said if he stops staring out the window / chatting to his friends during class then he would be consistently at the exceeding level.

Does anyone else have a lazy child and if yes what are your thoughts on the super strict secondary schools where they regularly get detention? Has this helped your child's behaviour into focussing?

Depends if they're genuinely lazy or have undiagnosed ADD or other SEN. These schools can be the making of kids who need routine and clear expectations, equally they're a fast track route to mental health problems for others. It's difficult to know really, without having more information on your child and the actual school options.

Whoa. I was a daydreamer and often stared out the window. I guess one might of thought I was lazy. I did just enough that do ok.
If your child is at expected levels why can't you accept that? Motivation has to come from within, but if encouragement is needed I'd much prefer carrot than stick.

If he can’t focus, no amount of strictness, detentions or shaming will make him able to focus. Might want to look into why he is daydreaming. ADD is a possibility.

Thanks - possibly he has ADD / ADHD (he is always on time; likes to be early; excellent memory; never looses his belongings) but since the treatment for that is behavioral interventions I am wondering if sending him to the right school is one of the interventions I can take.

Seems to me your child is doing ok with decent results and social skills . Daydreaming aka brain resting is a proven positive for creativity, mental health and socialising btw. Boredom could also be a factor if they not engaging in the classroom . However if this is not good enough perhaps direct your energies to getting your child assessed rather than researching schools that will punish and coerce them . Then look at ways to promote concentration and study skills and improve engagement - teach and model skills don’t impose them with sanctions otherwise you run the risk of ending up with a stressed anxious child child who feels like a failure.

It really depends what your other options are tbh. If it's between a lax secondary with awful behaviour and a strict one with routine and good behaviour, than I'd take strict. Kids like your child tend to struggle at secondary regardless of the type as it's trickier for them to concentrate. That plus having to take subjects that don't interest them and mix hormones into that, it tends to be hard going. I'd look into a diagnosis and possible meds. It can make a huge difference to their self esteem.

I was a daydreamer in primary. In that " dreaming" space a lot of emotional growth was happening. I spent time hypothesising " what if" and looking in the window. I woke up around the age 13-14. End up with two master degrees, one from the US top uni, few languages.

My son's dad was a daydreamed, dordler, then he joined the gang of 8 years olds " The Dare" as they liked to be called. 😂He was underperformer in Primary. In secondary he woke up, grew interest in science. Ended up with science degree and builds up complex microscopes

So...every saint has a past and every sinner has a future

He is still very young. You will be proud of him one day

The "treatment" for ADHD really isn't "behavioural interventions". It's a neurodiversity and generally most strategies for living with it are used in conjunction with medication. If you think your child has one of these conditions you really need to educate yourself on it and be more tolerant instead of shaming your child by character assassination.

Can you not just accept your child as he is instead of deciding he's lazy and needs punishing for what might just be the way he is? Not being able to focus isn't a choice for some people. Punishment doesn't make people's brains work differently, it just teaches them that the system hates them and that they can't succeed no matter what they do.

DC with ADHD are usually always late, with wrong items and literally loose everything. You say your DS is the opposite. Maybe he's just bored

One of mine is the same. exceptionally bright, exceptionally lazy. He responds best to firm boundaries and consequences. If he thinks he can get away with the minimum that's what he'll do. He is "secure" in every subject, he could have reached mastery and he's perfectly capable of it. Of course secure is fine but I can't abide laziness and with a push and boundaries he excels and actually enjoys it. I don't care if my kids are top middle or bottom of the class if they do their best but he isn't so needs to be somewhere which helps him to do that. Your son sounds similar

If he is doing ok academically and happy then why do you want to put him in a super strict school ? Is he respectful, engaged and balanced ?

A key foundation of all education is actually being comfortable and finding your learning style - but it is one part of your toolset in life. Which seems to be missing in what I read about UK schools. Granted you only hear about the extremes of the scale.

Honestly the teen years are hard I am so glad I prioritised a school that is holistic in their approach they want happy, functioning, educated beings. So yes the odd daydream and chat are tolerated. Mine is thriving in the more chilled school as happy learners are productive learners and much happier young people to be around.

I have a very lazy one. No additional needs. Not just daydreaming... Actively doing as little as possible.

Responds well and is actually much happier with rules and boundaries in place.

In y7 at a strict school. We chose it for a number of reasons, including the school's v firm approach to discipline. He is happy!

@movein are you writing about my DS too, by any chance?!

I was lazy and daydreamy at school. Responded best to teachers who actually held up standards. E.g. had some teachers who never checked homework, others who actively pulled me up on it. I daydreamed all the way through the former classes but actually enjoyed it when teachers pulled me in because once my mind got engaged I would stick with it.

No one was lazier than my dyslexic ds. Spent most of his time staring out of the window, bad results ar A level.

Got into his stride at uni/MA level.

Now a journalist on national press.