Looking for kind and constructive advice as somewhat exasperated by DC2.
For context: Eldest child (Y12) is very middle of the road academically, probably below most of his school peers but usually present work that is relevant and well presented (maybe not always to their best ability but at least not slap dash).
DD2 (Y9), on the other hand (and I will probably be shot down on here but I think it's important for context) is very bright and so can usually wing it and still achieve scores in the mid 90s with minimal or no revision in end-of-topic and end-of-year tests (they might get scores in the 80% if it's a subject that DC2 has 'dismissed' as not important). We always encourage working hard but both DCs are independent and so we have let them get on with their homework etc without much input (but maybe we should have been more involved, but both DH and I have always been independent and with a strong work ethic).
Again for context, DC2 did get accepted to some top selective schools (state/private) and is on a high academic scholarship. For the 11+ we did have to nag them to do the work (same with DC1 tbh) as I know most parents have to, (there might be the odd child you read about on here who are 'motivated to do all the work themselves'). DC2 is sparky, fun with a great sense of humour and is able to communicate well with both adults and peers and is sociable in that sense.
The frustration with DC2 is that there is no sense of wanting to try their hardest or wanting to present work that is neat or to their best ability.
I just don't get it as DC2 is very interested in certain topics and will read non-fiction for enjoyment in their own time. I also don't get it as both DH and I always want to present work that is not only good content wise but also neatly presented. We are both hard workers and engaged in whatever we do.
I realise they're still young and that revision in Y7-9 is still developing but I wouldn't be at all surprised - and I know this is a long way away - if DC2 will end up with lower grades in their A-levels than their elder sibling as the eldest is working hard (and tbh deserves it if that is the case). For the GCSEs, I think DC2 will be able to wing it as their memory is excellent but I just don't think it's a great attitude to have and won't work once you step up to A-levels or uni.
I know families where children always seem revise hard and to produce the best or 'perfect' work and are super diligent. Many, I have to admit, are in families where there are either teacher parents, teacher uncle/aunts or teacher grandparents.
I'd like to know what the secret to their success is: what are the strategies and how to they communicate and motivate?
Please don't say 'they value education, encourage hard work, read to to their children and take them to museums etc etc (because we have done and still do all of this). We generally don't allow gaming in the week but the phone, admittedly, is a constant irritant and we do allow some TV in the evening.
What is the magic that happens in these families that so far has been elusive to our family?