Homesickness School Trip

[London1305f]

My DD is 12 and was recently on a school trip for a week. She was very homesick when she was away. She was allowed to call me at one point and was very tearful and upset. I want her to be able to go away on trips and to enjoy herself, but the homesickness she feels is very acute and I have no idea how to help her in the future. I worry she’s just a burden on the teachers when she is away and that other children will make fun of her for being so homesick. I also worry if she doesn’t learn how to deal with it, she will make life choices in years to come (eg choosing a Uni based on staying at home). Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Has she ever had a night away from you before this?
I'd start with much shorter time periods - just one night, maybe. And only if she's happy with it.

She has the odd night and is ok if she has her phone to contact us, if she needs to. She just can’t cope with the no phones rule on school trips (I agree with this rule btw)!

Op in the kindest possible way, she's 12. Plenty of kids struggle with residential trips, she really won't be the only one. I've been on them and once had a boy crying nearly every night, told his parents it was the best trip ever. It's absolutely no reflection of what she'll be like age 18 and choosing a uni.

Thanks. I worry other children will think she’s really immature. Silly I know.

They won't. She won't be the only one. Far from it. Lots of her peers will have missed out on smaller residential trips due to COVID. This cohort will be very homesick.

Try to find other opportunities for her to go away; sleepover with friends, cousins, grandparents.
Could join Guides or Scouts, many of them offer residential trips.
PGL offer weekends, long weekends and weeks away residentially too.

It's about building up her confidence and making sure she gets the opportunity to try again. When you drop her off be sure to keep things positive (stick to "You'll have a lovely time, I'm looking forward to hearing all about it when you get back", and entirely avoid mentioning anything to her in the run up or on drop off about "I'll miss you so much!" or "I'll come and pick you up in the middle of the night if you need me").

If she does hate being away, she's got plenty of time to build up coping skills before it impacts her ability to go away for uni or live independently as an adult! How did she find the trip overall?

Talk to school about the no phones rule. DD was very unsure about a school residential in Y7. However, after a chat with school, her phone was allowed to go, but the teacher looked after it most of the time. She was allowed it for a short period in the evening to call us. Made a huge difference and she enjoyed the residential.

She’s only 12, it doesn’t mean she’ll be like this in future. Things like uni are very different from a school residential. No rules, no bedtimes, she can phone, text, FaceTime you whenever she wants.

I hated going away with school, I found it all a bit strange, seeing teachers out of hours, sleeping in dorms with some people that were not my friends. I wanted my own bed, my stuff around me and my cat. 😅 I had shit parents but I still remember wanting to be home.

But, I loved going away with a couple of friends when we were invited with their family because I was really comfortable with them, and I loved uni and enjoyed holidays with friends and my bf as I got older. I still prefer home though, some people are just like that.

Encourage her, build her confidence, but I’m sure she’ll be fine. 💐

I did a few tiny, discreet things that made a huge difference to DC on school trips. The most obvious was a pillow case from home, but I'd slip daft notes (letters from toys, jokes, lists of random things or even just words) in their case to be found as they unpacked. Only DC could see these things. Also a bag of balloons, a whoopee cushion etc (you get the idea). All silly, but very upbeat and positive. Face paints were another good find, for the inevitable party on the last night.

I empathise. My dds were all homesick on trips away. As was I, and to some extent, even at the age of 58 having travelled a lot of work, I still am. What I found helped, both me and my dds was to realise that being homesick and enjoying the trip are not mutually exclusive. Acknowledging that you are missing home, but not letting it stop you doing whatever it is you are doing worked for us. I allow myself a few minutes self pity each day and then get on with it. But it really helps not having to pretend I’m not homesick when I am.