Suspension

[Dad59]

Has anyone had their child suspended for bunking school ? Anotherwords treating like with like ? My teenage daughter , who is in private school, has this school year encountered mental health issues including anxiety,stress,self harm etc . She was suspended for a couple of days earlier this year for bunking school on 2 or possibly 3 occasions due to anxiety attacks when on the school bus and not actually making it to school. Nothing was ever put in writing, just a quick chat with the head and the pastoral lead in the school office and my daughter told not to return until the following week. More recently other decisions are being made that are not sitting very easily with me. I am building up a dossier of events that have happened in relation to my daughter at her school in the recent past and due to my own stress at the time did not even question the suspension since it was only for 2 days. More recent events have given me more cause and concern to question what is happening on the pastoral side of things.

Thank you

If she is at private school, I think the point is, to give you both time to sort out whatever the problem is. Is it a selective, highly academic school?

Did you have a meeting with the head of pastoral care? What did they ask you to do? Has your dd told you what the problem is? Being bullied? Struggling with work? Some other issue? How old is she? If she is year 10 - 13, they will expect her to focus on her work instead

Bunking school would not be accepted at my ds' independent school. They would identify the problem and suggest a way forward.

I don’t understand why your building a dossier? What’s the purpose? If your not happy with the school either talk to them or move her.

I think a private school can do what they want.

If you aren't happy and they aren't happy they may let her go at the end of this academic year without you having to pay the autumn term fees.

If she is having MH issues then these should be your priority, not fighting with the school.

Why build a dossier? Just move her to a different school if you don't like what they are doing.

Yea agree, you haven't got anywhere to go with this. You can look at the complaints policy if you want but would probably be best to find another school.

Has anyone had their child suspended for bunking school ? Anotherwords treating like with like ?

In state schools, not unusual to deal with repeated truanting with a fixed term suspension.

Truanting is a safeguarding concern, especially when the child has known mental health struggles. Knowing where she is and that she is safe is thr schools duty of care.

The child (and parents) need a sanction that makes them understand that safeguarding and safety matters will always be taken very seriously.

It is unclear if she was suspended or told to take time off, which is not quite the same thing. If she is getting in the bus and then not making it into school that is a massive safeguarding concern. If the school can’t keep her safe then she needs to be a home. Having some time at home and working on her anxiety is important.

What does she do when she doesn’t make it into school? Does she call you and you pick her up and then you phone the school? If so that is not truanting, she is off school ill.

If she is just getting off the bus and then hanging around the shops telling no-one, then yes she (and you - suspension is a consequence for the parent as well) needs to know that is not on.

There will be a behaviour and attendance policy. If communication is lacking (maybe your dd has not be passing it on?) contact the hoy or senior management team member for pastoral care/wellbeing.

As others have said, this is a pretty standard sanction, whether state or private. Truanting school is pretty serious, so it rises above the level of a detention or similar. In a state school, there would likely be a reintegration meeting to address the issues around the truancy.

As far as I'm aware, independent schools are pretty much allowed to be law unto themselves in terms of managing behaviour- I'm not sure what "building a dossier" is going to do?

If she had an anxiety attack on the bus so couldn't go in, it sounds like it should be treated the same as if she'd vomited on the school bus. I would only call it truanting if she faked an anxiety attack to avoid school.

I would expect a consequence for truanting. The school is loco parentis during the school day (from the time she's on the bus if it's a school one) and need to know where she is morally and legally.

Thank you for all your replies most of which have been very helpful and actually gave me a direct answer to my question.The reason I asked this question was to ascertain that this was normal practice particularly where mental health problems were present. Well it seems it is, so I am not going to discuss with the school something that is standard practice whether I agree with it or not.

I really don't need worthless comments telling me to " talk to the school or move her on" and even further comments bordering on nasty and inferring my daughter is not my priority and the school might throw her out anyway and I then would not have to pay Autumn fees. I mean why somebody should be talking about money and Autumn fees to my straight forward question is really beyond me !

I only ever talk with the school if they appear to be in the wrong, and in this particular instance they appear to be within their rights irrespective of my daughters current situation. I accept that and will "move on " and continue with the school since at this later stage of my daughters education we have very little choice anyway.

Mentioning a dossier was obviously a mistake on my part as it was bound to attract certain people that decided to start assuming things in their minds about what intentions I had and asking me questions about that rather than answering the question I had implicitly asked. However for clarification it is nothing too deep , it was in fact just a bullet point reminder to ones self about certain instances in relation to my daughters mental health that I felt could have been handled better. I have learnt from past experiences(not education related) that having accurate records can be very important should they ever be needed at a time in the future for any unexpected reason. Its basically just prudent housekeeping , after all we are often told by others when we are not totally happy about the way things are going or how we are being treated by different organisations to " record everything, take notes and get it in writing....
just in case ".

Right now I have no intention of making an official complaint to the school or anything remotely similar as the school has already acknowledged in passing that some issues could have been handled better and I accept that oversights or bad communication within schools can sometimes happen. Let me say that on whole the school have been very good, they have tried to support my daughter as best they can and I of course greatly appreciate that, however where I consider a decision is being made that will negatively impact on her mental health I will certainly stand up and ask to be heard ,request they reconsider or at the very least explain their stance. I do not believe any other caring parent in the same situation would do anything differently. I also believe a good school should be perfectly happy to listen to your point of view, as no institution gets things right 100 % of the time and sometimes they are grateful for your input as a parent.

It is almost impossible to explain just how intense and stressful having a child with mental health problems is to those that have never experienced it. From her birth until around 14years I had indeed not experienced it, every school year my daughter had at least 95% attendance at both junior and senior schools, and on the whole was a very happy child enjoying life in general whether at school or otherwise. Then puberty hit and everything changed and now I know exactly what it feels like. Unless you have been through similar experience with an older sibling then trust me there is no dress rehearsal on the planet that can prepare you for this. You have to quickly learn on the job and if that means questioning a few decisions when your gut feeling is telling you they don't feel right then that is what you do. However sometimes you find yourself on the fence given a particular situation and can see both sides point of view. Its at times such as this that these forums can help people to make a balanced decision based on the majority of peoples answers, real life experience and opinions . Your answers (well most of them) as stated have helped me reach that balanced decision , so thank you.

From experience from family friends I would say that state schools are generally well meaning but a bit ineffectual due to lack of resources with children with serious mental health issues.

Private schools are generally either really really good or really really bad. They generally have far better resources to deal with issues if they want to. But some of them just don’t want to.

I have experience with a teen daughter who had severe mental health issues. She is doing brilliantly now as a young adult. But it was the most stressful time while it lasted.

Nobody knows the right answers, even the school are just doing their best as everyone has different needs.

Keep talking to them.

I'm not sure how private schools work so I won't pretend, but surely you had something in writing when she was suspended?