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Secondary education

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Original poster

How do you prepare an 11 year old girl for getting the bus to school alone?

65 replies

Biostu · 09/05/2023 19:57

My daughter is 11 years old, she has been accepted into a very good secondary school that's further away than we would like. She will need to get two buses.
This is fine - we knew this when applying.
However, how do you prepare them for getting buses?
My daughter is dropped at school by car currently - with a younger sibling. We rarely catch the bus.

She has a day coming up in July when she has to attend for one day. Unfortunately, I am on a training course so can't be there to drop and pick her up (new job - I can't get out of it).
So my husband is on school duty... but he can't be in two places at once and the younger one is not old enough to make his way to school on his own.

This means my daughter aged 11 is going to have to get the bus to and from school on her own for the first time....

How do we go about this??
I'm so scared to let her go... She has a mobile phone and I have even got her a personal alarm for her house keys.
Help?

TIA.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 09/05/2023 20:19

What? Seriously? You've got 2 months to do a couple of trial runs.

DeathMetalMum · 09/05/2023 20:19

Dd uses her phone for her bus ticket it's much easier/quicker. Our area is shared by two companies but she needs a ticket from company A for the second bus, though can get on the either of the companies from home with any type of ticket so she uses the app and gets a weekly ticket means she can jump on any bus in the morning and doesn't have to wait around for company A's bus to buy the right ticket. Check things like this as can save time and £, particularly if you are not used to the local bus service.

She has a card and an emergency £5 in her bag - just in case, but has been let on the bus once when she couldn't load the ticket.

Spring45Mermaid · 09/05/2023 20:20

Part of practicing is maybe tail them but they do everything themselves including the ticket and seat choice and you just act like another customer. I was told (by her ) to sit in another section on our pratice runs. We did it 4x until she felt happy to go solo.

AllOrNothingSituation · 09/05/2023 20:22

Just practice with her, there's year 6 children that get the bus home alone from my kids primary school

clary · 09/05/2023 20:22

Does your dd go out in her own at all? If not, I would start that now. Let her walk to the corner shop or the postbox. Maybe meet her halfway back.

Is there any way they can walk to primary - as in, how far away is it? Could she start walking there by herself, maybe being dropped off by your dh halfway?

I would also practise her being home by herself for short periods, if you don’t already do that. This is a good time to introduce independence.

Then do a few practice runs on the bus, as others suggest, with you there, maybe sitting on a different seat so she sees what it’s like.

Mojoj · 09/05/2023 20:28

Hbh17 · 09/05/2023 20:10

11 year olds did this easily before mobile phones were invented, so please don't infantilise her. Show her what to do, and she'll be fine.

This. How ever did we manage years ago I wonder before everyone picked up and dropped off their kids everywhere they go? She's 11, she'll be at secondary school. Take her on the bus before she has to do it herself and show her what to do. Job done.

Original poster
Biostu · 09/05/2023 20:29

Thank you all!! We had planned to do a few practice runs over the summer... but then realised that dropping her for the transition day is now potentially not possible. Unfortunately, we do not have the option of alternative childcare for my son that day.
She doesn't have any friends from her current school going the same way either.

I think we will be doing some practice runs at weekends... I'm sure she will be fine come mid-September when she has made some friends etc.

OP posts:
Setyoufree · 09/05/2023 20:34

Can you give me any advice on what to say re where to sit, what to do if anyone gives her hassle? My DD will be doing the same on a public bus and I've never really considered safety things like that before (sounds ridiculous I know)

SMBCmama · 09/05/2023 20:38

I really think you need to prioritise her on this day. Your younger child can go in late.

Acunningruse · 09/05/2023 20:42

Completely agree that the transition day will be overwhelming enough and Dad should take her. Surely your youngest can:
a) be taken to school by friend or grandparent
b)go to breakfast club
c) be late and Dad take him after dropping DD at her new school

clary · 09/05/2023 20:43

@Setyoufree one thing my dd does is sit on the outside of the seat so no one can sit next to her and put bag on other seat. Obvs no good if bus is crowded, but if it’s a school bus or used by a lot of school kids, then another pupil will sit next to her which is ok. Don’t look at ppl when they get on.

Headphones that are obvious (so not cordless) stop ppl talking to you I find. dd says the same (just asked her)

Meredusoleil · 09/05/2023 20:44

I would suggest sitting downstairs at the front of the bus close to the driver, so can get their attention if necessary?

clary · 09/05/2023 20:46

Actually dd says sit towards the back (but not right at the back) or you get old ppl sitting next to you. Esp if there is a step up, go up the step.

AllOrNothingSituation · 09/05/2023 20:47

if you sit at the front you will be asked to move those are the priority seats. Tbh I wouldn’t rely too much on the driver where I am the driver couldn’t give a shit if you are being bothered and won’t get involved usually.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 09/05/2023 20:49

Hbh17 · 09/05/2023 20:10

11 year olds did this easily before mobile phones were invented, so please don't infantilise her. Show her what to do, and she'll be fine.

This

I can't believe some of the advice on here, the molly coddling is unbelievable. Surely by Y6 she's been on buses without an adult? And she has a mobile phone?

When I went to secondary school it involved a Train journey followed by a bus journey followed by a walk. No mobile phones. I think my Mum showed me which train to catch but not a lot more than that. I managed.

If you're really worried, get your younger child looked after and then your dh can take her to the induction day.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/05/2023 20:54

SMBCmama · 09/05/2023 20:38

I really think you need to prioritise her on this day. Your younger child can go in late.

I agree and prioritising her with something new isn't moddycoddling her, it's being a responsible and kind parent.

AngryLemon · 09/05/2023 20:57

clary · 09/05/2023 20:43

@Setyoufree one thing my dd does is sit on the outside of the seat so no one can sit next to her and put bag on other seat. Obvs no good if bus is crowded, but if it’s a school bus or used by a lot of school kids, then another pupil will sit next to her which is ok. Don’t look at ppl when they get on.

Headphones that are obvious (so not cordless) stop ppl talking to you I find. dd says the same (just asked her)

I echo this - wear headphones, look straight ahead and don't engage with weird men. It's not mollycoddling to prepare 11 year old schoolgirls for that, unfortunately Angry

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/05/2023 20:59

Seriously? You do the route with her on a day, or even push the boat out and do two days, when you and/or DH aren't too busy. You've got TWO MONTHS!!

Sometimes I can't believe the absolute rubbish I read on Mumsnet.

NauseousNancy · 09/05/2023 20:59

I work in transport.

Sit near the front, just not in a priority seat. Can shout to the driver if somethings wrong.

The biggest thing to talk about is unpredictability of public transport. Buses can be late, or not turn up. Have a plan for this - who does she call, what does she do. Is there an app which shows the real time of the buses to see when the bus will be coming/when the next bus is. Show her how to look up the bus timetable.

sometimes buses can be diverted due to road closures etc - planned and unplanned. Check the journey before she goes to make sure all ok. For unplanned closures, emergencies etc, talk to her about what to do. If a closure means she can’t get off at her usual stop teach her to talk to the driver - they get a bad rep but most will help a child.

make sure she knows the route between home and the bus stops, and then from the bus stop to the school if it’s not a dedicated school bus. Work out how long each walk takes, and calculate that with the bus times. Add in extra time for getting out of school at the end of the day.

biggest thing is to use her voice. I have so many parents call to say there was an issue with their child getting on/off the bus at the wrong place which would all have been avoided if they’d spoken to the driver. Kids will often just panic and get off if something looks different - teach her to stop, not panic, and ask for help.

LynetteScavo · 09/05/2023 21:16

On the day she has to attend the new school you get a friend to take your younger DC. Beg, plead and offer a play date in return. Your DH can then go on the bus with your DD.

Then take your DD on the bus a few times until she is confident.

I had this issue with DD starting secondary school. I thought she would have one school bus, but it looked like she would have to take two public buses at one point. We did a trial and it was a disaster. I asked for advice on MN and was asked if DD had SEN. Well, yes she does, but still she was a child who had just turned 11 years old who was not used to busses, and the town she had to change busses in. It's a MASSIVE deal for any child that age. It's not a 1.5 mile wander down the road, calling for your mate on the way.

Practice, practice, practice OP. And find anyone else who might be taking the same bus. Knowing there is an older teen going to the same school who is able to look out for your DD could be a godsend.

eddiemairswife · 09/05/2023 21:18

I'm always surprised that ordinary people don't seem to use busses anymore.

Setyoufree · 09/05/2023 21:20

Thanks so much all for your great advice. I agree with the PP - strategies for dealing with creepy entitled men who think it's their right to freak out children is an essential part of their education unfortunately :(

HighRopes · 09/05/2023 21:25

I strongly disagree with the advice to wear headphones. She needs to be able to hear any announcements, and be aware of what is going on around her.

I tell my dd to get off the bus and catch the next one if someone is bothering them or feels scary. If they are followed, they should go into a shop and explain they are scared and a strange adult is following them to the person behind the counter.

In practical terms, practice the journey. Practice the back up journey. Talk about what to do in different scenarios (eg bus terminates early, their bus stop is shut, in the worst case find the nearest coffee shop, take a breath and text you for advice if there’s chaos and they don’t know what to do).

CeliaNorth · 09/05/2023 21:29

Actually dd says sit towards the back (but not right at the back) or you get old ppl sitting next to you.

OLD PEOPLE!!!! Oh the horror! How dare old people get on a bus and sit next to someone!!! They should all just stay at home and never go out!

clary · 09/05/2023 21:34

CeliaNorth · 09/05/2023 21:29

Actually dd says sit towards the back (but not right at the back) or you get old ppl sitting next to you.

OLD PEOPLE!!!! Oh the horror! How dare old people get on a bus and sit next to someone!!! They should all just stay at home and never go out!

Well my dd is ND and has social anxiety so it would cause her a big issue if someone sat next to her - and older ppl are quite likely to chat in that scenario, which would fill her with horror.

I appreciate that for many dc this is not an issue (tho for more than people might think) but the question was asked about where to sit to avoid awkward situations and if no one sits next to you then they cannot make you uncomfortable.

I don’t personally have an issue with old people getting the bus. I even am one myself sometimes.