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Secondary education

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Help please, 15 years old daughter not in school

32 replies

Zapi · 08/05/2023 04:47

Hi , first time here posting here, I would appreciate any advice and direction towards helping my 15 year old daughter. She has been unwell for awhile ,anxiety and low mood, starting to get worse beginning of this year. She is on the spectrum, diagnosed in primary school. She is not attending school at the moment with severe anxiety, stopped going in by February. She is getting online CAMHS therapy for a couple weeks now, early days. I will write the back story below but to get to the point where I need help with, I am going to have a meeting next week with school Educational psychologist, I would appreciate any advice how I should prepare for it to get the most out of it and I would like to hear from anyone who is willing to share their experiences with similar situations in secondary education, their kids not school what to expect and do next . Thank you so much for reading.

Just to give more information
My daughter is under the school’s SEN for ASD. She is and has been affected by anxiety all her childhood but not to the extent she is experiencing at the moment. She had received different talk and CBT therapies through school to manage anxiety in the past but none of them she has found helpful. She had a difficult start in secondary school with transition and adjustments, bullying, finding it hard fitting in and making friends, the usual challenges with most autistic kids. But , by year 9 she was doing well academically, catching up with her peers and in a friendship group with a few girls who are all very academic. In her current Year ten she managed to move up to top sets in most subjects. And then after Xmas break last year, she started having severe anxiety symptoms usually triggered just before any kind of assessments and school had to call me a couple of times to take her home because she couldn’t physically calm down, too agitated. It did get pretty bad quickly after that, she couldn’t attend lessons but stayed in the school, trying do lessons by herself, struggled to catch up and finally stopped going to school since February. School has been supportive, they have offered reduced time table, a slow build up to reintegrating my daughter back into school. None accepted by my daughter. She is totally disengaged from any kind learning and she doesn’t think she will ever go back to school. She keeps telling me she is unwell and I am not understanding her. To be honest she is right but I am trying. My focus so far has been getting her some support for mental health while encouraging her to work on her GCSE. But she is waiting to be cured first, her words. Understandably I am worried about her education and future.

OP posts:
Bubbleswithsqueak · 08/05/2023 14:57

I posted on this thread about therapy for autistic kids (and adults) - CBT is not best practice for anxiety: How do I help my daughter? | Mumsnet

If you can get DD to the GP, a letter from a health professional often helps. Our GP wrote a really strongly worded letter saying that DS should not go back to school. @Lougle 's advice is spot on.

How do I help my daughter? | Mumsnet

My DD (14) is autistic (working assessment, full assessment due in the Summer) but until six months ago was more or less coping with mainstream school...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4800271-how-do-i-help-my-daughter?reply=125962673

Zapi · 08/05/2023 15:04

Thanks a lot for clarifying the process@Lougle @ThomasWasTortured @Oblomov23

Re therapy, definitely worth looking at your suggestions @gogohmm and @ThomasWasTortured , all the talk and cbt therapies she received so far did nothing.

OP posts:
Zapi · 08/05/2023 15:09

Thanks @Bubbleswithsqueak so far with my daughter’s experience with therapy, I do agree with CBT not working. I will look your link.

OP posts:
PrinceHaz · 08/05/2023 15:12

My 17 yr old autistic daughter limped through GCSEs with 75% attendance. She did well in them as they seemed meaningful to her at the time.
She saw college as a fresh start but it didn’t work. She has been out of education since Christmas.
When she dropped out, I felt as if she might just sit in bed for the rest of her life. I decided to back if with any expectations and leave her to it (which we have the luxury of as she is old enough not to have to go to school).
Last month, she told me she’d made a CV and she started to get interviews. She’s now done 4 shifts at Nando’s. She also has just got an EHCP and a place at a more local college to start again in September.
I think autistic young people have to do things at their own pace, give themselves time to recover from burnout and likely not follow the trajectory we had expected them to.
when she talks about waiting to get better, it makes sense. Of course she can’t recover from autism but she can recover from burnout.
To add, my daughter has been on antidepressants for several years. They really take the edge off the worst of the depression and help her engage with the world.

Zapi · 08/05/2023 16:21

Thanks for sharing @PrinceHaz. Yes the burnout thing I am just looking into it now after starting this thread. Kudos for your daughter for what she has done so far. Good luck.

OP posts:
Bubbleswithsqueak · 08/05/2023 16:30

My DS's diagnosis was generalised anxiety disorder with depressive episodes, and autistic burnout. He needed SSRIs to pull him out of the depression and to start to manage the anxiety. We had to find a child and adolescent psychiatrist privately, but the GP did shared care for the prescription.
Like @PrinceHaz says, it has all had to be at his pace.

Bubbleswithsqueak · 09/05/2023 22:07

Just thought I'd link to this thread about the use of an anxiety ladder:

https://twitter.com/naomicfisher/status/1528758679549386753?lang=en

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