Mixing state and private schools

[Whoknows74]

Hello, we have 2 children, the first is in Y8 at a decent mid range private school. Our youngest in Y6 has an offer of a place at this school, but also from a top ranking state grammar school. Not a bad position to be in and we think the grammar is a better fit for our youngest (and it gets better results), but are wary of mixing private and state education between siblings. Our youngest is happy to go to either and will have more friends going to the grammar. Do other parents have experience of doing this?

People on here will tell you that the state school kid will hate you and will expect the equivalent in cash at 18. It's nonsense. This specific scenario happens often. You've got the freedom to do what's best for each child and so you should.

DS went to private school at 11, DD to grammar school. she really didn’t care about it. To assuage our guilt we paid for her to do an MA at the other end of her education journey.

As long as you can still afford family life... if every spare penny is going on the private school for one at the expense of the other that is where the aminosity can arise. DH has admitted some feelings of resentment for his brother, who was rather lazy, getting all the money spent on him when he had to get a part time job to pay for a school trip for example. Even though the private school was to escape an extremely failing comp, which he respects the reasoning behind it.

A couple of my siblings were privately educated. However they had a different parent. They are also much older than me. I know I don't care and I know neither do my other siblings who are nearer their age.

One of my friends was sent to private school. She left at 16 and went to my college. Her younger sibling was sent to a state school. The only person with a problem about it is the sibling's spouse as they think their spouse would be more successful if they went to private school. They ignore the fact my friend then went to a college with a much more diverse group of people.

Thank you for the replies, much appreciated and all good points, paying for future education is a good idea!

If the grammar school is genuinely a better choice for your younger child, then I think you should send them there.

However, I do also think that you should make sure that they get similar amounts spent on their education. So, for example, you could fund your younger child through uni- meaning they wouldn't have to worry about student loans etc?

I think something like that could help prevent any resentment further down the line? In Y6, they won't really have any concept of the cost of private school.

@Postapocalypticcowgirl How is that fair on the one in private? Not their fault they failed the grammar. If each child goes to the school that fits them best, money is irrelevant. The grammar will likely have just as many opportunities as the private, if not more.

I think if one kid passes an 11+ and another doesn't, sending the one who didn't private and the one who did to a grammar is one of the relatively few instances where mixing and matching feels relatively low risk.

Both my children took the local grammar 11 plus as well as the exam for a selective private school. We were very clear that we could only afford the independent school with a bursary (75% off). Dd got the choice of 2 grammars and a bursary and we chose the latter because the independent school was nearer. Ds didn't get a place at the independent school but he did get into a grammar.

So in their case, they both had the same opportunities and their results dictated the decision. Ds has never ever complained about the money spent on dd; in fact I'm not sure it occurred to him at the time, as he only recently asked how much it had cost (he's now sixth form and she's at uni)! But I think he knows that it wasn't favouritism, and he can see that the only real benefit she had over him was nicer surroundings. There were lots of extra curricular clubs at her school which she enjoyed, but we've paid for whatever ds has wanted to do -gym, martial arts etc.

So I think as long as you've given both yours the same opportunity and you discuss the decision with them, you'll be ok.