Is this even possible?

[LostFrog]

We live in an area with a 3-tier school system. Ds3 is in Y6, so halfway through his middle school. His school has been going downhill for a while but just got Inadequate from Ofsted. He is a bright, enthusiastic boy, but is being picked on and starting to lose his confidence, and he is not being challenged. Two more years there will be soul destroying. There are no other schools in the area.

I think we have 3 options - 1) home school, but I would have to give up work and I am not confident that I could give him what he needs, 2) move whole family, but I have elderly parents close by, and older siblings would then be affected, 3) dh and ds3 move away to a town 40 miles away with a decent school - near dh’s office. Rent a flat and they come ‘home’ at the weekends. Is this even possible?

What would you do?

Just to say again - catchment is irrelevant except at the start of the school.

It will affect waiting list position if there are no spaces, but if there is a space, it is yours even if you live 500 miles away, as long as you can start quickly.

We are considering option 3 for sixth form. It's a bit of an extreme situation involving SEN.

Taking him away from his home and his social connections here is a pretty nuclear option though.

I certainly think it's possible, you just need any school with spaces and be prepared to travel. Are there any other options like splitting the difference on the journey, being a bit further from extended family but within commuting distance of school? If the next nearest school is 40 mins away you must be very remote - is there a school bus network that helps?

In your setup it seems to me that you could make home education work well. The fact that you could consider renting an additional property suggests you have quite a significant budget available. Your DH is around the house much of the time to provide supervision and some company even if he can't pay much attention to your DS.

If you have money then there are various ways to home educate, even with both parents working full-time. You'd want to consider your son's academic needs, for which you could use an online school (many home educators dislike these because they can be expensive and inflexible, but they suit some kids) or individual pick-and-mix online group lessons. You could hire some tutors in, which does not have to be for a huge number of hours per week because one-to-one teaching is so effective. You could educate your son yourselves during the hours when you aren't working; again, this is very efficient and would need far less than the 30 hours per week which school requires.

It would be good to get him out of the house to go places and see people rather than being stuck at home all day every day. If your jobs aren't flexible enough for you to fit in some outings, you could probably find a local home ed parent to act as a babysitter for a few sessions a week, taking him along with their own children to home ed activities, museums, tennis sessions or whatever. Many home ed parents would be eager to make some money doing a job which is compatible with looking after their own kids. Depending on your son's maturity and the availability of public transport and local amenities, he might take himself off out swimming or to the library or to meet friends or to an afterschool club for a change of scene; my eldest (a social butterfly) was often out doing things under their own steam at that age, having taken it easy at home up until 3pm and then going out to all sorts of clubs after school.

There's a home ed board here at Mumsnet if you want to chat about how it could look, or you might go along to a local home ed group to find out what is available in your area.

Could you get tutors in to your home rather than teach him yourself?

What happens in Year 9 - presumably it would be the same children moving up to high school? So he wouldn't necessarily escape them.

Posters saying to you to sort the school out are making it sound as if one parent alone can sort out what happens in classrooms - despite not being on site. That's an impossible task!

I'm a teacher and have some reservations about home schooling in certain situations, but in your place it sounds like the best plan tbh. It would be more doable because it's for a shorter amount of time because of the fact you're in a 3-tier system. I think living separately all week sounds like a really bad plan. Are you happy with the local secondaries on offer?

Also if your parents enjoy their grandson's company, that could form one piece of the home ed puzzle: perhaps he could spend one afternoon a week with them for some variety. He might be able to learn from them about gardening or carpentry or whatever they know about, do a family history project based on their lives, or sit with them and watch some documentaries about subjects he and they are both interested in.

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone for replying. We have booked a tester session with interhigh in a couple of weeks and I think that or other online would be the best option, whilst keeping up with cricket club, tennis and violin in his spare time. I also like the idea of my Dad stepping in one afternoon a week, I think that would be good for both of them. My mum probably not possible now due to health condition , sadly.

This is EXACTLY what Mumsnet is for, and I am so grateful to you all for your thoughts and advice 😃

Hope it works out well for you @LostFrog

Good luck! I hope he enjoys it.