Moving DD in Yr9 from state to private .... ?

[sunnysideup05]

I know many are opposed to private but our circumstances have changed a bit recently and we're able to afford to send DD to a private school in YR9 (she's currently Y8). She's at the local state and is very happy there, but we're increasingly noticing that she's not being challenged in subjects where she's very strong (English, history etc); and not getting nearly enough support in subjects where she struggles, particularly maths and science. There are huge gaps in her science and maths. The school itself is a very happy place but last year only 20% of kids got A-C grades at GSCE. This seems really low and is way below the national average. DD was always an avid reader, but has fallen in with a group that sees reading as uncool and it feels like her values and interests are changing - I know that's what happens at this age, but it worries me a lot.

Earlier this year she took an entrance exam and had interviews at a local private school. She was happy to do all this, and seemed to really like the school when we looked around it. She never said she was 100% certain she wanted to go if offered a place, but she said she really liked it as well as the people she met. Anyway, we've now been offered a place and in the last few weeks she's completely hardened against this as an option. She says it's posh, and it's an 'identity' she doesn't want, and the school uniform is horrible and she won't like anyone there. She also says she won't 'shine' there in the way she does at her current school (she is in the highest set and does well in sport). Her friendship group at her current school has become closer in recent months; and there's a lot of stigma attached to the private school she has a place at. At the same time, I feel like if she gave the new school a try, she'd really love it and the opportunities there would be amazing for her. I just don't know what to do now. She's happy where she is, but not getting the attention she needs (she's not being challenged in the subjects where she does very well; and not getting enough support in the subjects where she is challenged); there is no homework, so she's back at home by 3.30 with not much to do etc.... And when I say she is 'happy', I mean the teenage version of happy.... she's pretty miserable and grumpy about something or other most of the time... Part of our reasoning for sending her to the private school is that the days are longer and there are loads of extra-curricular activities that would keep her stimulated and engaged - that's when she seems happiest.

Any advice gratefully received.....

Thank you all so much for your advice - I really appreciate this!

With her grades - I think she would probably do fine in the subjects she is good at, but I genuinely worry about the subjects she struggles with. She is extremely hard-working but there are big gaps in her maths and science (partly a hangover from COVID) which are hard for her to fill on her own. I guess tutoring would help, but I also worry that this might not be as good an option for her, especially if it has to be online, which it would.

In terms of the school she is in now - its a warm, small, friendly school in a relatively deprived area. The vast majority of kids there have parents who did not themselves go on to university and are not aspirational in that way for their own children. None of her friends read. When she went for her interview at the private school, they had a group session and she told me that she was surprised how the other kids were using long words without feeling embarrassed and that you could never do that at her current school. There's no 'bullying' per se, more a general kind of sense that it's uncool to be academic. This kind of stuff worries me. She's popular and impressionable and she really, really cares about what people think of her. I can imagine her drifting further and further away from her love of books (which was immense) and dumbing herself down to fit in with her group.

The other big thing for us is that we are in a rural area, and there are not that many opportunities for extra-curricular stuff. So, she is often home by 3.30pm. They don't give her much homework at all. So she's in her room, or knocking around the house not doing much at all. The private school has clubs/extra-curricular stuff until 6pm every evening, and all the kids take part - it's one of the big draws of the school. She would absolutely love this side of it (although she won't admit it), and I like the idea of her having a fuller, more active life, rather than moping about the house so much....

I don't think she would have a choice but to move if she was my DD. I think there's an element of choice at that age but it's far too big a decision to stress a child out with. She has no idea on the long term consequences these things have. I'd request a trial there and see how it goes. A month in she won't even talk to her friends from state school.

Would the private school definitely go back and fill in the gaps? If she has gaps in maths, and then is expected to work at a faster pace as well, that may not help. Equally, in science, through moving schools (any schools) she could end up with more gaps, as often KS3 curriculums vary.

To be honest, tutoring sounds like a better solution. I teach rurally, and know people who tutor in person in this area. For science and maths, if you advertise, you will find someone.

I don't think moving a teenager between schools against their will is ever going to be successful.

@sunnysideup05 what did you decide on the end? Curious to know as we’re in a similar position, albeit my child is getting into trouble and fallen in with the wrong crowd at his comp. Y9 is turning out to be an horrendous experience for us, and what is making it worse is that we considered private at Y6 into Y7 but decided against it. Kicking ourselves now.