13 year old daughter struggling to make friends

[Honey2822]

When she started in year 8 she was put in a new class and made new friends however after Christmas she got moved up into the top set class and has really struggled making new friends in this class. She was the only one that moved class at this time. She never has anyone to partner up with in class when they have to do group work with or no one to walk to classes with. I have spoke to the school to see if she can be moved into the other top set class as she knows a girl in that class but the school have said the other class is full. The head of year said she could move back down to the class she was previously in but doesn’t want to be moved back down as she has worked really hard to get moved up into the top class. I’m not sure what to do as she’s not happy but is adamant she doesn’t want to be moved down. She has said she has really tried with the girls in her class but feels she just gets ignored.

Does she not see the children in other sets at breaktime and lunch? I'm assuming she sees other pupils at those times. Does she have some friends she can see then?

Obviously it would be better to have a friend in lessons but surely if they are told to partner up the teacher makes sure she has someone to work with, even if they are not particular friends.

My DD had the exact same issue but opted to move back to her old English set/class. It didn’t affect her GCSE grade as she still got a 9. She was much happier and that mattered more to her and us to be honest.

This is what I have tried to explain to her about being happy but she feels like people might not talk to her anymore as it’s been a few months and they will ask her questions why she been moved. She is a very quiet girl and such a worrier.

She does see her friend at break and lunch. It’s just in lessons she doesn’t have friends the teacher sometimes has to partner up with her if there is no one left to partner with. On the last day of term the children were allowed to sit where they wanted and she was sat on her own

My DD simply told her friends she missed them, wanted to come back and her parents and HoY said ok. I had told DD that she could always say I “made” her try the top set if they wondered why she left in the first place.

but she feels like people might not talk to her anymore as it’s been a few months
This makes zero sense when you go on to say she still meets them at break and lunch 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with others - I think she just needs to be pleasant to people in her class. She may find that friendships form, or they may not. At very least, she's likely to find one or two people that she will chat to for a bit. Finding partners is a bit different as the maths of the class does sometimes mean there's just an odd person left over. If she's meeting friends at break and lunchtimes, then it's not as though she's totally left on her own. Presumably there will likely be another shuffle of classes at the start of next term if not sooner, so it won't be for much longer anyway? Does your school do everything within the same class or do they mix for some subjects (e.g. DC's school mixed for PE)? If they do mix, that's another group of potential friends.

Year 9 is prime year for girls falling out with each other, so I'd expect friendship groups to move around soon anyway. If your school starts any GCSE options in Year 9, that's even more likely to be the case.

Our school mixes the classes for most subjects so friendship pools are huge.
They also have loads clubs. Could she do anything to expand her social groups? I'd worry she's too reliant on 1-2 friends

When does she pick options etc? If she's starting her GCSE options in September, it will be all change again then, and she'll have a chance to make some new friends, or be in classes with her friends. I know it seems a long time away, but it's really not that bad!

If she's likely to be in this class next year too, then I would really push it with the head of year, and with class teachers- if class teachers are aware, they can be sympathetic and e.g. allocate groups, picking students they think might be friendly towards her?