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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Private secondary and local friendships

12 replies

Penguin143 · 21/04/2023 21:03

I’m looking at a private secondary in Hertfordshire but am worried that a lot of children travel from various areas to get there. I have no issues with driving my son around for play dates etc (obviously as they get older it’s not quite play dates!) but have any other parents experienced an issue with their child not having local friends from going to a private school? Does it impact their friendships / weekends etc? He has such a great group of primary friends currently and want him to have the same at secondary.

OP posts:
CapaciousHag · 21/04/2023 21:37

What I remember from when child was at day school was that two or three of their school friends lived quite close by, so they saw quite a bit of each other in a casual, ad hoc way. With the others who lived further afield they tended to meet up for specific events and activities. And they all merged online.

You’re right in that there is a difference to primary school which was an endless round of birthday parties every weekend. And once they’re in their teens boys in particular are not great at socialising in person. So it may be a good idea to get him involved with some extracurricular activities where he can interact with new people.

Bear in mind there’s likely to be considerably more homework at senior school, which will cut into leisure time. Some children are quite glad of a rest come the weekend!

Original poster
Penguin143 · 22/04/2023 09:46

This is true. He already has a local football team and great friends there who he sees every Saturday. Plus I think he will stay in contact with primary friends because of gaming and having phones then etc.

OP posts:
PrepIn · 22/04/2023 10:01

In our village, 75% of the kids go to the local secondary whilst the rest go to a mix of other private / religious schools. The 25% all hang out together locally if that’s at all reassuring. It’s always really nice to see

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 10:31

He almost certainly won’t stay in contact with primary friends for long! They’ll all be scattered for senior school and they develop new and separate interests and associates. He may perforce keep up with children if you’re close friends with their parents - so they become ‘family friends’, but there may be increasing reluctance.

Don’t worry about preserving the status quo. Children move on easily.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 22/04/2023 13:20

Penguin143 · 22/04/2023 09:46

This is true. He already has a local football team and great friends there who he sees every Saturday. Plus I think he will stay in contact with primary friends because of gaming and having phones then etc.

He'll very likely stay friendly with the football team if he continues to play for them.

I teach at a pretty rural (state) secondary school, those who come in from the same area tend to be friendly, if not friends. Will he get a bus/coach to school?

If you're willing to drop him to a central location, that will be good as he gets older.

I think friendships are different to a school in town where everyone can walk to each other's houses! But they are possible, and likely everyone will be in the same boat, which helps!

A lot of friendships are very online these days, anyway.

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 13:38

Oh yes, obviously children stay friends with those they’re constantly meeting! I meant the children he ceases to have anything in common with going forward - if there’s reason to meet up they’ll eventually drift apart.

CapaciousHag · 22/04/2023 13:38

If there’s no reason …

TizerorFizz · 22/04/2023 15:21

@Penguin. He might stay in touch with a few but probably they will drift away as school friends take over. My DDs didn’t keep local friends. Just no need and they had new friends too. I made plenty of effort to make sure they saw their new friends. It’s just what you have to do!!

tadpolecity · 22/04/2023 23:35

My DC are on the other end of this. They go to the local big comp with all 1000 kids living within a mile or two.
They lost contact with those at private with 1 exception. They have nothing much in common anymore.
My DC do loads extra curricular & they all hang out locally / each other houses etc. They walk / bus it.
Private school mates have peers scattered within an hour in all directions. Parents are taxis

TizerorFizz · 23/04/2023 09:05

As we live in a small rural community and our school was 5 miles away anyway with a catchment area extending over 10 miles in the other direction. DDs didn’t have local friends they could walk to anyway. We decided to start again with boarding which gave immediate friends every day. Seeing boarding friends was an effort but worth it. Prep friends for DD2 were some distance away but you do it. School does all the clubs.

Twilightstarbright · 23/04/2023 12:50

I went to a private school in Hertfordshire, lived in outer north London. My friends were scattered across and I did socialise more with the ones closer to me but we would also get the train/tube/bus to each others houses or meet up in the local town centre.

If you live rurally then I think it’s part of the lifestyle that you need to taxi your kids around? For that reason we’ve chosen to live in a market town with a train station and lots of bus routes.

Sweetleftfood · 24/04/2023 09:55

My one goes to a local CofE comp and is not in contact with any of his primary school friends but seem to know a lot of kids in other local schools, mixture of social media and friends of friends etc

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