Private school sense of entitlement

[Amore2010]

We are two terms in and have picked up on this kind of behaviour from DS and are far from impressed. Otherwise very happy with the school and everything that it offers. Just wondering if his sense of entitlement is a specific school thing or whether other parents sending their kids to private secondary have noticed a growing chip on their shoulder?! DS was at a small prep and this was never an issue before, although he was a sweet loving little boy and now a wanna-be cool, pre-teen in a secondary school environment. I’m really on it from a home perspective but I really do think this behaviour is coming from the school. Help!

Can you give examples of the kind of behaviour you are seeing? It's very common in the pre-teen/ early teen years for children to have a phase of being selfish and entitled, no matter where they go to school. They have not reached full social/emotional maturity yet, and their changing hormones can cause irritability and impatience, alongside a growing awareness of social status and a desire to fit in. My state schooled sister was an absolute horror at this age, thought the world should revolve around her.

Is it private school or just that he isn't a sweet primary boy anymore but a stroppy preteen?

I doubt it has anything to do with the school. Far more likely to be pre teen hormones kicking in.

Strongly suspect he’s just being an entitled, annoying tween!

He’s a teenager, his school is probably irrelevant.

Surely that sense of entitlement and confidence is what you pay for private school for?

I’m joking (mostly) they all change as they enter adolescence as ppl have said.

We lived near a private school. Some pupils, saw them in town, seemed to have an entitled attitude but not many. I also think it’s the teen stage.

I think he sounds normal, as the school probably is too.

No, it’s an optional extra but we feel it’s worth the cost 🙄

He's a preteen , they just become more self centred and demanding!

Two dcs that are/were at private school, having moved from state secondary.

This will be mainly from being a teenager.
With my 2, what i have seen is increased confidence, not entitlement.
Private school children can often not realised how privileged they are too, and not quite ‘see’ how different other people experiences are. But again, that’s nit entitlement. That’s lack of experience/exposure.

Maybe worth looking at what it is you label entitled and check if it is really that or if it could be something different iyswim

I see it in lots of teens. Local secondary and private. It’s an age thing. Wait until he’s a rugby team God! Hero worshipped and entitled!

I think it depends what you mean by "entitlement" (some examples would be good). I agree with others that he's at the age where you would have seen a change in his behaviour/attitudes regardless of school, but I think being surrounded by a private school peer group is also more likely to have bred views that he "deserves" things and to have exposed him to others from more affluent families s he expects to have the same.

There was a recent thread from a poster who's DD was at a private school in Year 7 and expected her parents to fund limitless snacks and drinks at school as that's what she was seeing others get. If it's something like this - it is down to the school, or at least the peer group.

I think it’s down to the parents. Say no. Most dc really do understand what can be afforded. Asking is ok. Demanding is the next level. If parents cannot afford what others can, it’s not surprising Dc notice. But the parents have made that choice. They put Dc in this position. Personally I’ve not seen it. What’s more common is the inevitable comparison with holidays and hobbies etc. Not an entitlement to be the same.

Disagree as someone who works in a private school the entitlement is off the chart

From sweet loving little boy to sense of entitlement in all areas of life? Wth have you sent him! 🤣🤣

It’s an age thing but private school does tend to amplify it!

Normally it's instilled by the parents who tend to be aspirational and entitled themselves. You see the arrogance and entitlement in kids as young as preschool it's not a preteen thing.

My relative's privately educated kids definitely display this kind of behaviour, eg. making fun of other people's schools and uni choices etc which made my own DC shocked and uncomfortable.

TBH I came away thinking seven years in a very ordinary London comp was the best thing I ever did for my children; they might have had to fight for attention and education but it definitely gave them a sense of humility and taught them to show respect to people who have very different abilities and aspirations.

It’s definitely part of the private schools’ hidden curriculum.

The private grammars near me - most of the kids seem to have massive attitude towards their old primary mates in state. One sent letters out about how amazingly special they were and with huge golden tickets. Other has unreal level of it - really off putting. They are told they are the elite

Entitlement happens at all socioeconomic levels, it manifests in many different ways. What do you mean specifically by entitlement?

My previously quiet, sensitive tween has overnight turned into a loud, obnoxious know it all. I simply put is down to an entirely new louder/sillier friendship group and her finding her place within that.

@izzyislington I’d argue that’s down to bad parenting. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as they say.

Yes, it's vile but they usually come a cropper eventually, in my experience. Scratch below the horrid shiny surface and they bleed like the rest of us.

I know two pre teen boys well (relative and close friend’s son) who are surly and rude / entitled especially when their parents aren’t around.

one at a state school one home schooled

so it may well be age not school.

though I also think its societal not only / just hormonal (which is a version of ‘boys will be boys!’)

they see a lot of that behaviour form
men in life and on TV etc so they try it out too.

girls the same age can do similar but societal norms mean they get a lot more correction / disapproval for it (and society is sending them a bunch of other messages about females needing to be pretty / sexy / nice. UGH)