Has anyone arranged a meeting with admissions team for highly selective independent schools?

[Glassdoors]

Daughter is very advanced academically and is autistic. I'm wondering whether it might be an idea to arrange a meeting with the admissions to discuss her needs and whether they think she might be a good fit for the school.

Has anybody done this and did it help with the admissions process?

Tia

Some selective schools, not all, are wary of SEN. Personally I would just put her in for the exam, have a look around and ask on mumsnet about SEN support. Then if you get an offer you can ask some more specific questions.

I wouldn't mention the SEN at all before the exams. Many selective schools actively prefer to avoid enrolling SEN children.

No I would find out. You need to pay to sit their tests. Why pay to then find out they don’t want my child…

I asked DD’s prep school head a similar question.

His advice was wait for the offer and then have the conversation. Because you don’t want the SEN to be the first thing they know about her, before they have seen her abilities. Which makes sense to me.

I suspect it isn’t as black and white as “some schools are open to SEN and some aren’t” - many will be cautious in the abstract (not knowing the scale of needs) but much more supportive once they have met the actual child and seen they can do well.

You can find out a fair bit about support for SEN via asking questions at open days. Eg, do you screen all children in y7. What adjustments have you made in the past. Etc.

If your child needs any form of adjustment for the entrance assessments - extra time/quieter room/headphones to mitigate for noise etc etc then you will need to tell the School when you register. If you don't tell them, accept an offer and it's then clear that you knew she was autistic you'll find the school can withdraw the offer as you've not been transparent.
I'd recommend you address your questions to the SEN lead who should be at the open day, if they're not that's a red flag for how the school feel about SEN.... I also recommend you ask the proportion of pupils who are SEN at open day although private schools have to declare this, I think it's on the inspection reports or maybe the ISC report?
Imho I'd steer well clear of trying to get a meeting with admissions. If it's a super selective they must deal with thousands of queries and will most likely point you towards their website or their open events.
I'd be very open about her neuro diversity, address your questions to the senco lead at open day, make sure she gets all that she's entitled to at the assessments so that she's well supported and then if (when!) She gets an offer you can ask much more detailed questions at the offer holders days/evenings. At that point they will want her so they will really engage.
She's bound to be an asset to any school. Good luck with it and my advice is to choose a few schools for her to sit for.

Ignore the other posters. I am a SENCO at a selective school and I take a pretty dim view of parents that say nothing. You need to contact the SENCO to ensure that they can meet your child's needs. Your child's experience at school is only going to be as good as the provisions in place. For complex neurodivergent pupils, I like to meet with parents and that tells me a lot. I need to know I can work with them.
Additionally, I have to ensure balance with the amount of support I can offer so I may know that I have one very bright pupil incoming but with lots of social skills needs which may impact behaviorally and mean that the pastoral team will be working hard with them. That doesn't mean I won't take another ASD pupil because I will but not with very similar impacts to pupil A. Everything I do is geared towards the best outcome and best provision for the pupil whether that is my school or elsewhere. The child is at the heart of what I do and discoverthat a parent has not been honest frankly is concerning and we now have a clause that says if SEND diagnosed prior to the application later comes to light then we have the right to withdraw the place should we feel we cannot meet the needs. Just tell them. If they are shitty enough to discriminate against your child then why would you want them there.

I work in admissions at the kind of school you're talking about and I totally agree with @KathieFerrars . We would always be happy to set up a meeting, and we'd probably suggest an individual meeting with admissions/Senco rather than you coming to an open day (when you might not have the space and time to ask the questions you need, and it might be an overwhelming event for your child). Our school wouldn't be the right fit for every child with SEN - but lots do brilliantly with us - and you need to know whether our set up would suit your child's needs. And if you don't get a welcoming response to an initial enquiry - go elsewhere.

Also, if your child needs adjustments like a smaller test room, then an exam day when we don't know that in advance could be very distressing for your child. I've seen that happen and it's absolutely horrible for all involved.

I would like to add our personal experience in the recent 11+ process. DC has ASD and is very academic and we applied to a few highly selective independent schools. I do know that many have said independent especially highly selective schools don’t like to take SEN children (which is true as what we have come across during our application process) but there are also schools which are welcoming and some more welcoming than others.

In our application process, we submitted all reports (EP, SALT, OT etc). Basically everything that stated the diagnosis and recommended provisions. To us, finding the right school/fit is paramount and as what @KathieFerrars and @User40764 have said, if the school could not support the needs/provisions, then it would not be the right one for DC. We felt that we should be as open and upfront as possible and if it was not meant to be, we would accept it as such. We did not meet up with the admissions teams prior to our submissions but all the admission teams (except for 1 school) came back to discuss DC’s needs and if exam adjustments like extra time or separate/smaller room were needed. From this, we actually got some insight as to how the schools accepted/did not accept SEN and that did change our perception/ranking of the schools. It was quite telling to see whether the schools did actually practice what they preach. Needless to say, the 1 school that outright rejected all the recommended provisions was not in our consideration at all even though DC did eventually get an offer from said school.

Just to point out something else that @KathieFerrars has mentioned. In the offer letters received, there is a clause that states that the offer can be withdrawn if SEN subsequently comes to light. It is in the standard terms and conditions and not specific to us. I would be cautious about not declaring SEN as that could have a potentially damaging consequence later on. Also, in all the application forms, there is a section that asks about SEN and any corresponding reports so I am not sure if you can actually not mention it as that would not be very truthful.

Sorry for the long post and hope to help!

I disagree strongly with pp saying to keep quiet till after the exam. if it's the kind of school where talking about SEN early would damage your DC's prospects then it's definitely the wrong school.

My autistic DC is at a mainstream selective and academic independent school. They don't trumpet their SEN support as a major USP but their listing in the good schools guide has a tick against SEN support. I didn't make an appointment as per OP original question but I asked about SEN during an open day visit and was very reassured by how understanding they were, and they were very happy to make adjustments for him during the entrance exams to help manage anxiety. After he was offered a place we had a couple of meetings with the head of the SEN team to check that his specific needs could be accommodated before we accepted the place, and have had occasional meetings/email exchanges since - during which I have found that around a third of the pupils there have some form of SEN (mostly dyslexia and (what used to be called) "high functioning" autism and mild ADD but all of which at a level where high academic performance is possible with appropriate support).

Any school that is "wary of" or "would avoid enrolling" a child with SEN would be a hell-hole for any autistic child to attempt to survive in. you need to be up front right from the start and only go with schools that are positive and welcoming of neurodiversity.

I have an autistic child in the private school system and have been completely open with prospective schools about his needs: there’s no way I would want him at a school that can’t/doesn’t want to meet those needs. Mental health issues are so so commonplace in autistic teens: we’re prioritising just health and well-being over basically everything else. So if the most academic school doesn’t feel they can support him (or doesn’t want the hassle) then so be it, he goes somewhere else.

The last few responses are very interesting and contrast with the advice we were given by our current head. Thank you.

To be fair to him, the advice was never to try to hide the SN altogether, but rather to simply mention it in her report/any forms, rather than having an extra conversation about it. My DD doesn’t actually have any support needs at present, or need any exam adjustments, which may be why we were given that advice (but she has had in the past and I am conscious she may do again in future of course).

I also believe you should be very open with the school as you really do need your child to attend a school that actually wants them there and is going to be able to support them. The alternative is as child who is unhappy, unsupported and perhaps managed out, all of which take a terrible toll on confidence, self esteem and mental health.

I was incredibly honest about my DC's diagnoses etc. with the school he attends. They were clear they wanted them to go there and my child is absolutely thriving. However, there are a number of other parents who wanted their children to go to the same school at any cost, and were very selective in what they disclosed to the admissions and SEN team. Two of those children are having an utterly miserable time as they are in the wrong setting and struggling despite an enormous amount of support. One is developing significant health issues due to anxiety and might end up out of school altogether. It's incredibly sad and was completely avoidable.

For complex neurodivergent pupils, I like to meet with parents and that tells me a lot. I need to know I can work with them.

So could you say no to a pupil who had met the required academic entrance results if they had other additional needs?

@minipie we didn’t have any extra conversation and we only submitted all the necessary information/reports. It was after submissions that the admissions teams proactively reached out to us to discuss after speaking with their SENCO. DC also doesn’t have any support needs or exams adjustments (long story as to why not) but it was in the report/recommendations. As I said, it was quite telling as to which schools were willing to go over and beyond as this was before any exams/offers. I agree with pp that having the right school which is welcoming and accommodating vs one which can’t (or won’t) support makes a whole world of difference to our kids.

Thanks help1h, that’s great that some schools proactively got in touch to discuss. I agree that gives a really positive impression of the school and their support. I hope the same will happen for us.

@ArdeteiMasazxu may I ask what adjustments were made to help manage anxiety in exams? This is something DD struggles with.

It should and wiil no doubt be stated on the recommendation report the current Headteacher sends to the prospective next school, and maybe even followed up with a phone conversation between the two. I don't think that as a parent you need to be overly involved at the selection stage.

@Forever42 yes absolutely. Independent schools can make their offers using whatever criteria they like - they're not bound to a pass mark like the state school 11+. That's not about SEN though (or not specifically). You could have a child who gets full marks in the entrance tests, but if they're rude and arrogant in the interview, for example, then you can choose not to take them. But it could also be that they have SEN needs that you feel you can't meet.

Being in a separate room with no more than 3 other applicants.

Visual timetable and regular spoken cues for how much time had elapsed and how much time was left for each task.

allowed to visit and see the room a few days before so it wouldn't feel so new and strange on the day.

Didn't qualify for any extra time as no EHCP but was allowed to "stop the clock" (with the exam papers removed" and have a break at any point.

Some of the adjustments were "just in case" - if it had been raining that day DC would have needed ear defenders.

DC got in to a highly selective prep school. Before applying I had a f to f meeting with the head, plus head of one other highly selective prep re their dyspraxia and other issues. Both made soothing noises about being inclusive but one was FAR more knowledgable about the issues than the other, in a different league. DC got in to that school and not the other one - I think the other one may well not have wanted them, knowing the issues and obviously the school that suited them perfectly was school one, so it all worked out well. Anyway, yes, I'd do it.

Thank you Ardetei, interesting

These days, even in highly selective schools, there are loads of kids who are high functioning with SEN such as ADD or ADHD. There is a massive explosion in diagnosis of ADD especially amongst girls.

These schools will all be very familiar with it. Where highly selective schools barely had a special needs Dept 15 years ago, they all have them now and will have multitudes if students who have extra time in exams and other special arrangements such as quiet rooms, prompts or rest breaks….which are possible after having ed psych reports. And these kids go onto get top grades in GCSEs and A Levels.

So it’s outdated to say not to mention it. Schools are tuned into it and will be offering those special exam conditions to those who need them in their entrance exams too.

Yes, no doubt there will be some SEN which many schools won’t be able to handle and for the selective schools, evidence of high ability is always going to be necessary. But unless you’re talking about something unusual or that many schools woukd struggle with, it’s worth asking to speak with the SENCO at the school. As much as anything else, you want to be sure that any school will provide for your child and meet their needs….and unless you’re open about what those are, it will be hard to tell.

I started contacting SENCos of prospective secondary schools at the start of Y5 - I quickly eliminated at least one. I was comforted by the feedback I got from the various schools about the support they could offer my DC.
You’ve got to have some confidence that the school you pick for them is right for THEM.

Absolutely arrange to speak the school directly before sitting any exams.

My DC attends a highly selective independent school and I disclosed her SEN to all 5 schools we shortlisted and spoke to their Sencos. I was actually deliberately on the look out for any school that dismissed her SEN or appeared put off by it so that I could avoid sending my DC there. No way would I have sent my DC to a school that did not welcome her and want to support her!

Because no one in their right mind would send their dc to a school who doesn't want them and can't provide for their needs. There is no point sitting the exam and then finding out it's a completely bad fit for your dc and if they don't cater for SEN well then it will be a bad fit.

Just to reinforce the suggestions upthread (but only commenting as a parent with yr11 DC who has plenty of dyslexic/ADHD/Aspergers friends at her selective school.

Some schools can cope, and will help your child to thrive. Others, less so. The best thing you can do is to be honest, so they won't be unprepared and/or waste months trying to figure out what is going on with your DC. That will be miserable and stressful for DC,