11+ Will you take a selective private school waiting list place over a less selective firm offer?

[ConfusedDotCom111]

A selective private school was our first choice but DD got waitlisted. However, we got a firm offer from a less academically selective smaller nurturing school. Shall we accept a WL place if it is offered (fingers crossed) or stick to our firm offer? My concern is if DD did not make it through the first round probably she is not quite the school standard and will struggle there? Or I am overthinking it and it was just not her day at the time of the exam?

Which does dd prefer? I don't think there's all that much to pick between kids who get offers and those waitlisted.I'd follow her preference.

Do you know where you are on the waiting list to see if an offer is likely?

waitlisting doesn't mean they will struggle. a waitlisted child has met the required standard, and wouldn't be given even a waitlist offer if they wouldn't be able to hack the pace.

have they said when they will tell you the waitlist outcome? and how much money would you lose if you accept the less-preferred offer and end up being offered (and accepting) from the waitlist?

@Northernlurker DD prefers the WL school and we also prefer it (a unique case when we all agree on something!)

@Hersetta427 I called the admissions and they said they don't rank the kids on the waiting list and they did not tell me how long the WL is. So, I don't know how they choose.

Wait list means that they’ve met the standard and the school thinks your DC will thrive there .

if that is your and your DC preferred choice then take it if it is offered. My DD was initially waitlisted for a selective indie but ultimately outperformed many in the year group .

So if a place is ultimately offered please don’t give the fact that it was via the wait list another thought . good luck

Make sure the WL school know you will sign the paperwork and pay the deposit as soon as you are offered and hold out until the last min for the offered school. It's easier if you know the WL isn't ranked so it's a matter of getting your dd to the top of the list.

if they don't rank the wait list, they may have a whole set of criteria for different things they want to be reasonably balanced across a cohort. depending on the character and ethos of the school they might be keen to ensure a certain proportion of the pupils are quite sporty, a certain proportion quite creative or musical, and a certain proportion quite quiet and nerdy, etc etc (it will be more complex than this, with all sorts of different things) - so they will know from experience that of the first tranche of offers they have made X% will turn it down, so after the deadline they will look at the cohort who accepted, and see what kinds of characteristics are out of balance and if there's not enough of a particular characteristic they will select from the wait list accordingly.

or it might just be a lottery.

@FeinCuroxiVooz They said they would contact us after the the offer acceptance deadline, hence sometime at the beginning of March. By then we will have had to pay a deposit for the offered school. We are prepared to sacrifice it, it is not a huge sum on the scale of things.

Thank you very much @NYE2023, it is helpful indeed, especially as it comes from your DD's experience. If we got a straight offer, we would have accepted it without thinking twice. It is the limbo situation makes me hesitant, although we always thought this school would be the perfect fit for our DD.

@redrobin75 I called the WL school straight away and emailed them confirming that we would take a place immediately should it become available. I am in two minds if to give them another call (being a bit of a nuisance) knowing that probably there is no movement until March or leave it until after the acceptance day?

Thank you all very much for words of encouragement. The 11+ journey has been a real emotional rollercoaster, certainly much more complicated than I have ever imagined.

But why do you think the more selective school is better than the less selective one?

Your child will thrive at either one. The more selective schools add very little value. The kids are usually tutored, under pressure, with their self-worth bounded to their scores or how well they are doing.

Make a choice based on the right school for your child rather than which one is more or less selective. How well your child does at GCSE ir A Levels will most certainly be down to how much extra work you/tutor do with them. Thereafter, in the grown up world, nobody cares which secondary school you went to. It’s your university that matters more. Your child would likely end up at the same university as those from super selective schools. That will also be the case for kids from state schools.

Choose where your child will thrive because that is what will determine her success for the stages that really matter.

My son have 4 schools to choose from. They occupy different places in the league table. We will take his preference into account but I’m thinking of sending him to the one lowest in the rank. Why, he is likely to be a big fish in a little pond. He is very bright with academic scholarships so I know he can hold his own at any of these schools but with the more selective one, I think the mindset of the students will be geared at competition to stay at the top. I would rather that he does not get bogged down with this. It’s too one dimensional of a life to live.

Surely you accept the place you have been given and then sit on the waitlist for the other place. You don’t need to choose. You can do both. Then if you get the waitlist place you take it and decline the other one. You may lose a deposit or you may not. They can be quite nice about this and you don’t sacrifice the deposit. As to whether your child will thrive if ‘only on the waitlist’. I don’t see why not. These places are ever so slightly random anyway and if she is on the waitlist she is definitely good enough. So then go for it.

Oh and by the way call! I made sure we were top of mind when DD was on waitlist of a highly academic school. She got the place and is thriving. Loves the school and wants to now stay into 6th form. We even got our deposit back for the other school. That may not happen but is a possibility.

@Motherparent19 don’t let your own fears hold your son back. My DS was less academic than my DD. Went to a highly selective school and it has pushed him higher than I would have ever imagined. And he loves it! He gets a lot of pride and esteem from doing well there.

It’s not a fear. I’m rather Machiavellian in my approach to things and I take a long term view of success.

Minus being unscrupulous 😀

If you're prepared to lose the deposit on the confirmed place then you accept that and stay on the WL for the other.

If WL school doesn't rank the list, my guess would be that you won't hear until after acceptance day as they will potentially review all acceptances as pp has said to ensure balance.

Given you've already notified them that you'd accept a place, I'd possibly be tempted to speak to them once more in a few weeks, but wouldn't do more than that. They'll be very used to pushy parents and have a process to follow so I wouldn't expect contact to make a difference, but you never know!!

It is a very good point, I did not think that the WL selection process is based on balancing the cohort (I though it would be down to exam results) but if they don't rank children on the WL you can be absolutely right.

call me cynical but when it comes to waiting list management they will be after those that accept quickly so they don’t end up scrabbling to fill their spaces . If a candidate has made it to the waitlist then they have met standard . So perhaps the only element of “balance” is if a wait list candidate was also strong at sport / music etc . But frankly they will be doing this with a business head on - they need a full school and a cohort with the best possible potential to translate into the league tables !

it’s hard to second guess waitlists - don’t forget schools over offer places to ensure that they don’t end up with too many spaces so it isn’t “one out on in “ like it is for state . However some schools will always go to waitlist; and I know plenty who managed to help engineer that a waitlist place was theirs rather than someone else’s including myself ! I have to say I’ve known a fair few over the years successfully beg quite hard for a place so whilst I agree you don’t want to be annoying, I would very much keep in touch in a non pushy way which also conveys how much you want the place .

if you mention the school someone might be able to give some more specific advice . For example one local popular school here you could usually tell likelihood of a place coming up from waitlist depending on type of interview you had .

@Motherparent19 I would totally agree that a selective school doesn't nessesarily mean better than a less selective. It just happened that the school we preferred is more selective that the one we got an offer from. The WL school is co-ed, which is very important as suites to our DD, academic but not a hot house with very good provision of extra-curricular activities and good 6th form.

Thank you @Ndd135632 and @MaggieFS for practical advices. We will accept the firm offer and try to contact the WL school closer to the acceptance day again. I am sure the admissions are very used to being bombarded with calls and emails. @NYE2023 I will keep in touch in a non pushy way as you suggested.
I must admit I have received a few brilliant tips and advices from all of you lovely ladies. If something like that is happening to your own child you get slightly paralysed (at least I got!) and you are not sure if the next step is one too far or not enough. That's why I really appreciate all received messages as they represent a pragmatic view on the situation from a different angle.

Maybe call on Monday, after half term and in the afternoon? In a friendly, chatty rather than pushy parent vibe. Depending on your date when you last called and emailed them.

Do you need to accept your firm just yet if it’s not yet acceptance day ? Our wait list place came through the day before acceptance day . Unless it is a school with “exploding offers “ surely you can wait until the last minute just in case the wait list comes up at the 11th hour Certainly you can use this as reason for ringing them .

That's a great idea from @NYE2023. You'd be annoyed if you accepted the firm offer ahead of its deadline only for a WL place to then come up. And indeed a good premise for making another call.

What are the schools, @ConfusedDotCom111 ? Went through all this last year, so might know
the chances of things moving or if the other school is good.

@NYE2023 do you mean if it was a general interview vs subject focussed?