State or _*poss* free place at private

[scarecrow22]

My DD is in y7 of what we so far think is a fantastic state school, both the teachers and pastoral care.

My DS presumed he will follow her, and I think he'd be well suited to the school.

However I know we would qualify for a 100% bursary for a very very good private school nearby. DS (y5) is vg at maths but average at English so would need a bit of help. However he is a quick learner and has a lot of knowledge of and understanding of other areas of life, from a love of bonfires and camping to a fascination with infinity, birds and problem solving. I keep trying to suppress and cast off the niggling idea that I want him to try because from the boys I k ow there the school turns out such beautifully mannered young men with a love of learning. But I can't shake it off. Partly because his character is so well suited.

Other factors to consider are that his DS might be jealous and feel we think more of him.

What do you think. Please don't be aggressive about my interest in private education. I guess I never dreamed we'd give it a thought, so I've not resolved it in my head.

Thank you.

It's a completely different scenario.

Your daughter rather than your son is in private
She's in private because she can't cope in mainstream
He is cleverer than she is.

In fact, you couldn't have picked more of a different situation if you tried.

Given what you've said, I wouldn't do it. The risk of having to move him from a school he's happy in later on would be too high for me.

Even without considering your daughter and the impact on her.

@Clymene the OP just mentioned unfairness between siblings so I commented on my experience of that.

@Clymene also I never said my daughter couldn't cope at state I just said that she coped better with smaller class sizes. She spent all of primary and the first two years of secondary at a state school.

Thank you so, so much everyone.

Based on at least two issues, I realise it is not a good course of action - for either of them. It's been very helpful.

I want to address the Freudian or sexist issues raised though: individually, siblings differ: if the boy is more talented/intelligent/keen to learn/hardworking, and the girl has other attributes, it is not sexist to put the boy forward for a different sort of education. It's just the way the penny fell. As long as, if it were the other way, you'd do the same. Ironically my parents were fairly old-fashioned about these things, but they sent me to a v academic school, which suited me perfectly.

That said, DS joins DD in 2024. He can't wait!

Thank you.

@scarecrow22 I definitely agree with you that siblings differ and it's perfectly acceptable to have 2 kids in two different types of schools.

However, in your situation you haven't even given your DD a chance to apply for the private. That wasn't even in the cards for her even though private schools are actually really great for the middling, less motivated children.
Whatever reason you may give yourself for that, your DD will still feel like she's second best. On top of that, you're not exactly sending him to the local flunk high. It sounds like a great state option. Why put yourself through any additional stress of annual financial checks etc.

@Dodgeitornot thank you for such a measured and understanding reply.

I don't like the aggressive side of MN, but everyone here has been frank and understanding and so v helpful.

your Daughter is happy and settled, it’s not unusual for children to go to different schools. I’d apply if your son wants to and see what is offered. If he’s only average at humanities I’m not sure he’ll get the full bursary (and they also look at assets such as your house and potential to increase income). Most schools would rather award multiple children part bursaries, I think he’d need to be exceptional across the board to get a full bursary