Moving from primary to secondary school

[Mumsthework]

I'd love to hear some positive stories about kids moving from primary to secondary school. DS is a very sweet kid, well-liked generally but doesn't have any close friends so often feels a bit lonely socially. Would be great to hear from people whose kids really found their social circle when they moved to secondary school.

Ds1 is now in year 11, but chose a different high school to most of his cohort from primary. He had a positive move to year 7, was in a class with a boy he knew, quickly got to know other boys through playing footy, (who he now doesn’t mix with as they’re into hanging round town drinking and he isn’t), but really found his friendship group by year 9.
DD was in year 6 when covid struck, so she had a disjointed move in the same way the whole cohort did. Her bf from primary also moved and they were in form class together. Her friend subsequently moved schools, but DD made a close knit group of friends. She’s not particularly outgoing, not into fashion or make up and her friendship group are all similar, they all found each other.
i think whether outgoing or reserved, most children find like minded peers. Pastoral support can often help too. My dcs aren’t really the sort to do lots of clubs, but school out on many lunch time and after school sports / craft / games clubs

Ds struggled to find children in primary with similar interests and personalities. He got on with everyone but past year 2-3 he didn't really have a best friend. He was one of only 2 to get into his upper school. He didn't get on with the other child so didn't really move up with anyone he knew.

Day 1 transition day he made a friend. She introduced him to her other friends and that was that...he had a small circle there. He then started attending lunch time and after school clubs and made more friends with similar interests.

I think the good thing about secondary/upper school is there is a lot more children to find their "people" who they click with. There are also clubs to meet others with similar interests. (Ds even has friends in other years due to the clubs)

DD went from a two-form primary to an eight-form secondary, while over 20 girls from her primary went to the same all-girl secondary, she only had two girls in her actual form and she didn't really had a lot in common with both of them. That gave her the desperate needed opportunity to find a new group of friends.

In our borough all Y6 go to their allocated secondary secondary at one day in July. We encouraged her to take her mobile number on small slips of paper and hand it out to girls she clicked with. Then over the weeks up to school start, they started talking and met during the Summer holidays.

Encourage lunchtime/afterschool clubs, I found that most will find their group via interests, especially if they are not the sterotype ones.

My DD didn't really have friends at primary. An alpha girl heavy single form entry.

She went to secondary and ended up in a small group of friends who were all a bit quirky / had their own issues.

There is so much more choice of friends at secondary.

Which year is you Ds in?

A lot can change between primary and secondary. Children grow up and their personalities can change a lot in the process, especially during Y7.

But unless your lovely ds is inY6 I wouldn't wait til secondary school to dress his situation. If he is well liked, does he go on playdates or sleepovers? Does he have any hobbies or interest outside of school where he could make friends? I think as long as he is engaged and happy not having a bestie is not a bad thing at all, that can come later. How do you think you could support your ds now?

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