Year 7 ds keeps getting bad behaviour points

[elliejjtiny]

He has 8 so far since he started in September and according to the school's behaviour policy if he gets 10 (presumably this is in one year but it isn't clear) then the school will call us on for a meeting, there will be interventions, referral to early help etc.

I know ds is no angel. He has adhd and has a tendency to speak/do first and then think afterwards. Every time he gets a behaviour point I talk to him about what he should have done. He agrees and then does it again. We are living with the in-laws at the moment while our house is having building work done which doesn't help as we are overcrowded but dh takes him back to our house every day to play on his trampoline and I take him to the park/soft play every weekend. It does help with his behaviour but it's not enough.

Is there anything else I could be doing to help him. It's low level disruption, anti social behaviour he is getting the behaviour points for so nothing severe but it's happening a lot which I know is just as bad as doing something really bad 1 time.

really hard as it is linked to his ADHD and impulse control.

Would he do role play with you? To act out some of your alternative things he could say?

He needs to get into the habit of the right response instead of the habit of the bad response.

try and drill down with him, is it in class, hallways, break times, and then try and make a plan with him to reduce the triggers.

Is any of it in class, and if so, would fiddle toys etc help?

Are school aware of ADHD and how supportive are they?

Are there trigger times or lessons or situations?
If you can identify any pattern it might help with adjustments.
Hitting the 10 trigger point may actually be beneficial if it helps them put in interventions, but not if it is just punitive.

Thankyou. We have done lots of role play and when he is calm he makes all the right decisions but then when something/someone upsets him then he forgets everything. He has a very low tolerance with anyone touching his things so that seems to be a trigger. There is a boy in his class who has asd and they tend to set each other off. The other boy will pick up ds pencil case or something and then ds will do something to cause the other boy to have a meltdown. The school are trying to keep them apart but often they will seek each other out.

Does he have a timeout card?

I'd preempt the meeting with school for 10 behavior points, and see if you can get accomadations in place to reduce his stresses, and so reduce his behavior points.
It sounds like it's the ADHD causing many of the disruptions.

Is he on meds?
What allowances does he have agreed with school? He should have agreements in place re tolerances.
Otherwise he'll be at ten soon and dropping grades too.

School aren't trying very hard if they haven't switched his class

We had a similar experience and now he is 18 and has learnt over time to control his impulses to a greater extent. But
we opted for medication in early secondary. It made a dramatic difference to his behavior.

There are different meds and different dosages it is not a one med suits all situation. But maybe worth thinking about.

As our doctor said - the decision to start them is not irreversible. You can always try a couple of different options and then stop them if you want (under medical co girl of course).

Do you feel the school is being supportive of your DS? I'm not saying this is the case here but some secondary schools try and 'manage' out DC with additional needs/behavioural challenges. (I usually post on the SEN boards.)
Your DS has a condition and the school should be working with you to try and manage it. They also have a duty to make 'reasonable adjustments' for him.

Some good info here: www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/how-should-your-nursery-school-or-college-help

As others posters have suggested, I would be inclined to be proactive here. Rather than wait until your DS has reached 10 negative marks (hopefully he won't), I would be asking for a meeting with the Senco, HoY to talk about strategies for supporting him.

It sounds like he uses the trampoline at home to help him self-regulate. Is he allowed breaks from class? Does he have a time out card?

I hope the school are also giving him 'positive points' when they can see that he's been trying and not just 'negative' ones. My concern for your DS is that he's only at the start of his secondary school journey so you're right that it's important to try and address these issues now.

How is he academically and socially at school? Do you feel he's struggling?

Can you speak to school about your DS moving classes so he is not in sames classes as the other boy.

I'd be speaking to the school regarding this. What are they doing to ensure these poor behaviours are kept to a minimum? Are they taking into account his potential ADHD and adjusting accordingly?

Sorry - I see he's diagnosed with ADHD. I'd be putting this back to the school. Yes of course he needs to behave and not disrupt but the school need to adjust

with ADHD, if he’s only got 10 points so far this academic year I’d say he’s doing ok. That’s not even 1 a week!

I hate this...he's not being badly behaved, his needs aren't being met. I'd be arranging a meeting with school asap to get things clear with school.
Does he have an ehcp? I'd spend a bit of time researching adaptations that are often helpful for kids with adhd in school, and also thinking about what the triggers are for him.
I speak as a mum with adhd with a son that has adhd. Asking him to 'behave' the same way as his neurotypical classmates is like asking a kid with no legs to run up the stairs... you would be horrified if that happened, let your son know he's not misbehaving.

Thankyou. He doesn't have a time out card, or an ehcp or meds for his adhd. I will ask the senco about a time out card. He is now up to 9 had behaviour points as he kicked the child he keeps having problems with.

What other strategies for dealing with his impulse control have you already tried. When is he due to see consultant again? Were meds suggested last time? What is Senco suggesting?

Having 2 children with additional needs triggering and bringing out the worst in each other is crap. Both those boys are forming their own self image in this environment and there is no reason to allow a situation to persist which guarantees both of them become 'the naughty kids'.
Benefit of the doubt to school that they've tinkered and been slow to realise that tinkering isn't enough. They need to be separated properly ( not just the other side of the room) so they can't gravitate back to each other.
My DD was in a similar situation, drawn to a person for all the right reasons but triggered by the incompatible behaviours. It was only solved when one of them was moved to a different class, now they're both happier.
Presume the school are aware of your D's diagnosis so you have grounds for escalating this and doing a review.
How disheartening for your Ds to keep trying and thinking and reflecting, but still be set up to fail by obvious triggers not being removed and healthy coping strategies to be in place. (Time out card type stuff)

Yes yes yes

If meds haven’t been explored now would be a good time to revisit that option. It seems like he needs a bit more support. The difference the right meds made to our son was huge and made a difference when it came to GCSEs.

My daughter is also year 7 diagnosed ADHD but she has never had medication. We are now at that point we are considering it because the jump to year seven and the stricter expectations of high school are overwhelming her.

Totally agree with PP here - it sounds like dishing out behaviour points is a blunt tool for a child who is unlikely to respond in the way a NT child would. You need a meeting with the school about it. It's not fair on your DS, this other child or the rest of the kids who may be disrupted. But it is the schools job to help find a solution, not just hand out behaviour points and hope for the best.

Thank you. He's been discharged from the consultant so not due to see her again. School have given him some TA time so he shares a TA with the boy who has asd and 1 or 2 others. I think that's why school are reluctant for him to move classes. He has a "ready to learn" laminated sheet at school which has a list of reminders of things he needs to do at the beginning of each lesson, like get the right book, pencil case etc out of his bag. He was going to a handwriting practice group but school have said he doesn't need that anymore. The TA has said she will start a group, primarily for ds and the boy who has asd, to work on helping them to not wind each other up but that hasn't happened yet.

At home we do a lot of role play and we also watch programmes on tv and talk about what they could have done differently to avoid upsetting the other characters/getting into trouble etc. We also have laminated checklists in the house for him and our 9 year old who has learning difficulties to remind them to brush their teeth, what days they need their pe kit etc. We make sure we take him out to either the park or soft play etc every day that he isn't at school to burn off energy. He also has loads of fidget toys at home and Lego to help his concentration.

We got his mid year school report yesterday and although the comments were positive he was listed as below expectations for more than half the subjects and expected for the rest apart from pshe which was greater depth. In primary school he has always got expected for a couple of subjects and greater depth for the rest. So I'm concerned about that. Dh says that I shouldn't worry as expectations are probably higher in secondary school. My 9 year old who has moderate learning difficulties usually gets expected for the more practical subjects and below expectations for things like maths, English, science etc. We've never had any indication that our older son has learning difficulties and he was on the top table for maths and English in primary school.

Poor chap. Really working so hard to try to get things right isn't he. ☹️💚
I'm baffled why more time with this other boy to 'learn how not to wind each other up' is a good idea. It just sounds exhausting, more time with the person who gives him the greatest challenges!? If you talk to anyone successful they all say putting your efforts into tiny improvements at the things you're bad at is a lot less effective than putting your efforts into excelling at what you're good at... Which makes sense because we all have things that we are never going to be good at, why bang your head against a brick wall.
There are people who I (NT) will never gel with, and who will always be someone who brings out the worst in me (but I can keep a lid on my reactions), so I spend time with other people who bring out the best in me... This set up at school sounds exhausting and fruitless. Trying to get them to get on better is not a bad thing per se, but seems they are doing it because they have to share a TA not because it's a good idea in it's own right iyswim.
Would changing schools be worth considering? All schools are not the same and in year 8 he still has time to switch before GCSEs kick in seriously.

Pshe greater depth. What a love - all this role play and reflection is really giving him a lot of emotional and personal literacy, he's taking it all on board, which tells you he's massively engaged with what you're trying to teach him.
I hope he can be helped to succeed with who he is before he is turned off by all this failure messaging.
He isn't failing his needs are not being met in the school environment. 😢

Is that 8 behaviour points in total since September on classcharts? That isn't many tbh! I teach secondary & they will get point if they chat or are late to a lesson. My own DS has had 2 points this week for chatting in geography. He gets loads of positives too and had a great parents evening. I don't think 8 in 6 months is too bad!! If he has ADHD that's actually good I think?

I agree. I would push this back on the school and say that they need to do more to provide the right environment and support for him.
Our eldest is mildly anxious but masks it completely during lesson times now his secondary school age. So well that they sat him next to the child in the class who constantly fidgets and irritates the person they sit next to for attention as they thought he’d be calm enough to cope. So in the end after telling the other child to get their foot off his chair 100s of times, he reacted and gave them a shove. He got told his behaviour was not ok immediately but they didn’t leave it there and kept an eye on him so that when another child, who has their own need, plaqued him in the field at lunch time and wouldn’t let him walk away until he shouted, they immediately suspected anxiety (which his primary had told them about but in the midst of lockdown message hadn’t got through), involved us ( he had hidden all this from us as he was ashamed of his outbursts) and the SENCO - and before I even met with them had put him in a seat in the classroom that had more space and chosen a gentle soul to sit him next to too. The SENCO met him weekly for half a term to help give him some strategies so that he learnt how to stop reacting in ways that did him no favours and left him feeling ashamed afterwards - and it was all done and dusted with no further issue in a matter of days - and he’s now flourishing and couldn’t believe how much he enjoyed his last parent’s evening.

Our second child is at a different school and is extremely young for his age (developmentally delayed - so he’ll get there but is way behind the average curve). When he went to secondary, they gave him an enhanced transition and a TA equivalent whose role includes keeping a little extra eye on him. His tutor sends me a little email to let me know if it been a challenging day and the school has a health hub that all the kids can go to anytime of day for support. He need explodes outwards more implodes inwards so he would never cause any issues so I was worried he’d be invisible but they’ve totally looked after him and given him extra support and not expected secondary level independence from him and as a result he’s totally flying and loves it.

I feel the school may be letting you and your child down here - it feels more like starting secondary school was like when I went when you felt dropped in from a great height and expected to cope. Be proactive now rather than waiting for 10 points. This process should feel it’s about helping your child to meet their potential not merely how to stop them being disruptive. If they can’t help manage a positive reset then maybe a different school can? Equally medical help might be worth perusing too.