Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

Original poster

University offer holder open days

15 replies

Mommybunny · 31/01/2023 13:15

Hi, I may be thick but couldn’t find an obvious place to put this thread - MNHQ feel free to move if necessary.

DS has two university offers for places I’ve never seen. He’s been to both (one with DH and the other on his own for pre-application open days) and is comfortable with his choices. He is resisting going with me to an offer holders’ open day because both are quite a far distance away from where we live and he would rather use the time to work on his A levels.

I trust him on his choices - he’s a pretty sensible kid and his school is advising him well - but I can’t say I’m comfortable potentially sending him off to live for 3 years to a place I’ve never seen. I’m not British so these places wouldn’t necessarily have been on my radar before having DCs applying to university. Where I come from checking out a college or university is a rite of passage for parents and students and there is a part of me that feels negligent even to think of not going to an open day. I know I’m going to need to help him furnish his accommodation and I just want some idea of what the place will look like before we’re traipsing there in September. We were in the middle of a house move in the summer and early autumn, and he didn’t get his act together in time for me to be able to go to the place he went on his own, which is why I didn’t end up going with him to the places he has seen.

Am I overthinking this? Do I need to just cut the apron strings and let him figure this out on his own? He will go with me if I insist. Can I go without him? Would that be weird?

OP posts:

Oakbeam · 31/01/2023 13:20

If he has seen them and is happy, I’d leave him to it.

You will find related threads on the Higher Education board, by-the- way.

Oakbeam · 31/01/2023 13:23

Going to an offer holder open day without him would be weird, yes.

I have done scores of open days over the years and never had a parent turn up on their own.

titchy · 31/01/2023 13:24

You're overthinking it. For one his father has been with him - don't you trust that he'd mention it was in the middle of a gang war zone?

I can't think of any uni where a mum's intuition would reveal anything significant sorry. All accommodation details of what's provided will be on websites, and while you (and I!) might like a pretty safe market town with a branch of Betty's to visit, the urban grit of a city uni may well provide a much better experience for your dc.

(Higher Education topic would be more appropriate btw if you wanted to flag your post to be moved?)

PatriciaHolm · 31/01/2023 13:24

If he's happy, as PP says, I would leave it, given he has been.

In terms of accommodation, there are likely to be lots of types and varieties, so visiting one example is unlikely to help! The Unis DD has offers from have quite a lot of detail on their websites about accom.

VioletaDelValle · 31/01/2023 13:24

Don't go without him. That would be very weird.
They are very much aimed at potential students. If I'm honest with you, the main purpose of these days is conversion - so hopefully making applicants choose you as their firm choice. If he's already decided then I'd say leave him to it.

Oakbeam · 31/01/2023 13:35

On reflection, some universities separate prospective students and parents at open days and tailor sessions for each group. Attending those on your own might not be quite so weird.

Original poster

Mommybunny · 31/01/2023 14:37

Thanks all for your replies. Happy to have this moved to Higher Education (I glimpsed at that topic a day or so ago and it seemed to me more geared for posters themselves attending higher education, not guiding their DCs in doing so, though on further thought the distinction really doesn’t make sense). How do I flag that?

Thanks also for being kind and not making too much fun of me for being anxious about this. I suppose what this is more about is me, not him - I was looking forward to going with him to see these places. We did go to one open day together, to a university whose offer he has decided not to accept - we took the train and stayed overnight and had a lot of fun. I expected we’d do more and I will miss it. And point taken about how little it is possible to know about accommodation even when you do attend an open day. He will be fine.

Will be much more on the ball when it’s DD’s turn in two years and go to pre-application open days with her! Tbf I think she will be much more keen to have me with her in any event.

OP posts:

SeasonFinale · 31/01/2023 14:40

There is nothing to stop you visiting the cities themselves without him. If not an offer holder day you can generally walk around the uni too but may not access buildings. Which unis are they?

OntarioBagnet · 31/01/2023 14:45

You can not go to an offer holder day without him. Yes, cut the apron strings. If he’s happy with the uni and city that’s all that’s needed. You won’t be living there. Blimey when I was 18yo I didn’t bother with the open day for my first choice and the first time I went to that city was the day before term started. This was pre internet so I couldn’t even google the place. Middlesbrough was a bit of a shock but I had a great time! 😁

Original poster

Mommybunny · 31/01/2023 15:46

@SeasonFinale You’re right, and DH and I will probably do that for Exeter, which DH already visited with DS and near where we are hoping to move ourselves. The other one is Newcastle, where I’ve never been and wouldn’t necessarily have any other occasion to visit. It’s a long journey from where we are now but if be willing to do it with DS.

OP posts:

Greatly · 31/01/2023 15:50

Dd applied during Covid and didn't visit any universities at all. She's currently very happy at Exeter! She went by course league tables.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 31/01/2023 15:54

I went to 2 offer holder open days with DD. It was useful, as they do talks for parents while the students have their subject specific input, so not at all weird for parents to attend.
I wasn't there to make the decision though, that was all on her! Ultimately, your son will be an adult when he goes to university so it's his choice.

Geamhradh · 31/01/2023 15:59

Offer holder days are really well planned and aimed at the student and the parent. I was amazed last spring at just how much insight both parties get on an offer holder day compared to just open days.
DD (and I) went to two last year (flying in from abroad) and came away with her absolutely 100% certain which was the one for her (in all aspects- course, people, place, city, accommodation etc) They really were invaluable for her. There were various organized activities during the day- workshops for the students and info sessions for the parents.
If your son is sure he doesn't want to attend any- that's fine too. They're taking place around now-April.
The FB wiwikau page has lots of information about various university related things and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Zwicky · 31/01/2023 16:01

Newcastle is fabulous. You don’t have to worry a bit. Lovely smallish city with loads to do, beach nearby, all the shops, 2 decent size universities, plenty of university and private accommodation, relatively cheap, excellent transport links, buzzing nightlife but relatively safe.

catsonahottinroof · 31/01/2023 16:02

I can't see any reason not to visit on your own - if it's like open days there won't be an official entrance gate where you have to show tickets you'll just scan in at various stalls. If anyone sees you on your own they'll probably assume you're a mature student. There will also be parents' talks for you to go to, then you can have a nosy around the campus. I might do this if I hadn't visited the university where my dc was going to (we've not got to that stage yet). I've been to a few open days so far and find it really interesting (some better than others though).

I'd probably not travel a long way though unless I wanted to visit the area anyway. Newcastle is great though, the city and the university.

Flip